Super Anxious/questioning everything

knottie1cb7eb8a5dc0e7c3

This is my first pregnancy. We planned it and now that it happened, I’m so anxious. I was never the type who desperately wanted to be a mom. Not a hard yes or hard no at any point in my life. If I never had kids, I think I’d be fine.
My husband has always wanted a family, though. His parents are so excited about grandchildren and it just seems like the expected and assumed thing to do…like everyone just asks when we’re going to have kids like not having kids isn’t even a choice.

We talked about my age (will be 34 this year) and what if we try and it doesn’t happen right away…I got all in my head and anxious about whether I could have kids and if it would even happen if/when we decided to start trying. I felt like there was this time crunch to figure everything out and we immediately got pregnant when we started trying.

I don’t even feel excited, I just feel anxious. My whole life is going to change, my body will change and that terrifies me, I’ll be the primary caregiver at home so bye to my full time career—I’m worried of never having a break or any time to myself and being constantly exhausted. I feel guilty about my thoughts because I’m asking myself: did I even want this or is it just what everyone else wanted? Did I want to start trying or was I just anxious to know if it could happen? …I just feel so stressed and I want to feel happy with my husband, but I just feel like maybe I felt pressured to want this and tried convincing myself I did…like I don’t even know what I want and I just feel lost…can anyone relate??? I feel like everyone who plans a pregnancy was hoping to get pregnant and REALLY wanted kids. Was anyone just indifferent to begin with? It doesn’t feel real yet and i can’t even imagine what my life will look like. I’m just hoping some switch flips and I love being a mom and it was just anxiety of all the unknowns…but what if it’s not anxiety? What if I don’t want this? Just want to know if anyone has felt the same way as me ☹️

stormageddon-darklordofall

Sounds like you should seek out some therapy/counselling to work to get to how you're really feeling and maybe find a good place/comfort level with your situation and be able to make decisions from there.