Weight Gain (tw: past eating disorders)

cjaebee

I’m hoping this is a safe space I can be completely candid. This is my first pregnancy and I’ve wanted to be a mother more than anything in my life. But as I approach my first ultrasound, my brain is filled with dread and worry. I worry about having a healthy and happy baby of course, but I also worry (against my control) about the weight gain as a person who has had eating disorders. I’m in week 7 and am not handling the weight gain well; I feel so selfish and I know I should talk to my therapist about it. Can anyone relate?

linh18

I also was quite worried with my first, as I also struggled in my early 20s with an eating disorder. I can share a few things that helped me, but it will be different for everyone.

 One thing that helps is if you can be up front and honest with your care team. Let them know you don't want to see the number on the scale (if they do weigh ins). My practice did not do weigh ins at appointments and that really helped me. I never saw how much weight I gained during my pregnancy and only knew that I was in a healthy state to give birth and care for my newborn afterwards. 

Also what helped for me is to concentrate on what is actually happening inside your body. You are growing a baby! And not just your baby, but also a placenta, amniotic fluid, breast milk and tissue and muscles to be able to help birth and care for your little one. If it helps you, remind yourself of what food is doing for your little one. Your little one is developing and you are creating their fuel to help them grow. Every different food you are able to eat can contribute to their growth. Red meat/high iron foods for their blood cells and circulatory system, veggies for their different vitamin needs, even sugary foods to introduce them to new tastes and to give them energy for those precious little kicks that will come. 

If you have a partner I'd also encourage you to be honest with them. Sometimes they don't know the struggle we go through. My husband was really good with encouraging me and reframing my thoughts about food while I was pregnant. We would joke about certain foods becoming a favorite if the baby was really active after I ate them, he would remind me "the baby's probably hungry, do you need a snack?". 

I hope some of these things can help you!

cjaebee

Thank you a thousand times for your wise words! I will take it all to heart and truly, it helps so much to know I am not alone. I actually spoke with my therapist about it today and it was so good to get it off my chest. I can now say I am truly excited for my ultrasound and feel much more prepared. I appreciate your reply more than you’ll ever know, @linh18 !

knottie442c5c54f4269280

Right there with you- I haven’t weighed myself in over a year due to history of eating disorder (instead i rely on the fact that if my clothes still fit comfortably then I’m probably maintaining my weight +/- 5 lbs - sounds totally weird but works for me). I had a TON of anxiety leading up to first prenatal appointment knowing that I’d have to step on the scale (and in front of my partner and right after lunch). It wasn’t as far off from my baseline as I feared, but I still find myself struggling with anxiety related to the next weigh in, if I’m gaining weight too quickly, increased appetite etc. Trying my best to focus on listening to my body and eating when I’m hungry… @linh18 thank for for the tips and encouragement, and @enticinglullaby thank you for posting it’s helpful to know others are facing similar situations !

cjaebee

Thank you for sharing your experience @knottie442c5c54f4269280 - I went in for my first ultrasound and was able to get those emotions off my chest when speaking with the Ob-gyn as well. She reassured me that it is not unusual at all and to try to turn any of the toxic thoughts into healthy habits that will not only help the baby but myself. I still have a hard time on the scale but I comfort myself with knowing there’s a little one depending on me being healthy and thinking positively. All the best to you as well!!