PGAL check in w/o 3/6

runningyogimama

Do you all still want weekly PGAL check ins? Want to switch to monthly after we get to the second trimester? I don’t want them to be redundant, but know for me, it’s a bit easier to share updates with those who “get” PGAL vs the normal weekly thread, so understand if anyone else wants to keep doing that. Let me know your thoughts!

This thread is for those who are pregnant after a previous loss(es). Thread will have discussion of MC, TFMR, CP, etc. 

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Weeks/EDD?

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?

Any appointment updates?

Any big milestones?

Rants/Raves/Questions?

froggerblue

Weeks/EDD? 12w0d / September 18

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? I'm good today because I got to see baby move and all, still nausea is getting worse

Any appointment updates? Today was NT scan and blood draw, thursday is obgyn appointment

Any big milestones? It's my longest pregnancy yet and baby is really energetic so I feel a bit more optimistic, still scared, but at least I know I'll feel happy for a few days.

Rants/Raves/Questions? Would you believe I usually am a super optimistic, smiling, energetic person? I'm just so scared that something is going to go wrong again that it's affecting my very own nature.
@runningyogimama I don't mind either way. But it's true that I find it easier to share my feelings about my pregnancy in the PGAL thread. Some info is the same as the weekly update, but I don't really mind that

babysavvy

Weeks/EDD? 13w2d, 9/9

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? I’ve been really struggling, wanting a reassurance scan. It’s tough with one month between appointments, not knowing if things are still going well. I was happy for the first time after my scan a week ago, then it kinda turned. Pregnancy is triggering still, I suppose. Not sure what each day/week will hold. My morning sickness is slowly improving. Happy the second trimester is around the bend. Looking forward to feeling movement. Then, that’ll be another thing to stress over. 

Any appointment updates? No.

Any big milestones? No 

Rants/Raves/Questions? See above. 

babysavvy

Also, I don’t mind continuing here. It is nice ranting/raving to people who understand.

runningyogimama

Weeks/EDD? 12w4d / 9/14

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Just exhausted still - physically, I can’t complain, since this has been my least nauseous pregnancy ever. Emotionally…dare I say hopeful? I feel a little better after our NT scan today. I was able to take enough deep breaths to calm down before going in to get a normal BP reading (they kept being slightly high because I’ve been so nervous).  

Any appointment updates? NT scan was today! Everything was perfect - NT was so small it was barely measurable, and got to see baby’s brain, and saw baby rubbing their little eyes with their hands. The tech may have slipped and said a pronoun that gave away baby’s gender/also showed a bit of a crotch shot, so…we are deciding if we want to just know for sure (but not tell anyone else we know) by looking at the NIPT full report, or wait still. 

Any big milestones? NIPT and NT being normal! Next milestone is making it past14 weeks, which is when we found out something was wrong with our daughter.

Rants/Raves/Questions?
For anyone with older kids, how did you announce to your kids after having a previous loss? I’m anxious to tell at least our kids and our parents now, we just need to figure out when/how the conversation with our kids will go. Telling them their sister was dying was one of the worst things ever. 

litzi-2

Weeks/EDD? sept 9, 13+ something

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? physically just hoping that things will start to get better soon. last pregnancy started to improve at 14 weeks. emotionally, i dunno. i'm trying to not be optimistic or pessimistic and just go day by day. but mood overall not amazing.

Any appointment updates? nipt low risk was great news. 

Any big milestones? passed first tri loss but also had placental abruption/ PTL at 23 weeks with my first and was told we would lose her (but didn't). It was very traumatic. So I really don't feel ok until after 28 weeks. I know 24 weeks is viability, but I talked to way too many neonatologists about morbidity/ mortality with 24 weekers. 

Rants/Raves/Questions? Why do your OBs have you do NIPT and NT scan? Mine does only NIPT and AFP at 16 weeks. 

@runningyogimama my 6 year old understands that i'm pregnant with a baby. I literally told her that sometimes babies get sick/ die. I don't remember how I worded it. She seemed really stressed by that fact initially (6 year olds just don't talk about death a lot). She got over it pretty quickly. But it something would happen I would just remind her what we talked about, so I wouldn't have to explain it at a harder time. 

runningyogimama

@litzi-2 What’s AFP? My OB does NIPT + NT, because NT scan can show other possible anomalies that aren’t chromosomal, so wouldn’t be picked up on genetic screenings (even though NIPT is more reliable for those things). A thicker NT can be indicative not just of trisomies, but of issues with the heart and kidneys (and most trisomy babies just happen to also have those). It’s almost like a super early anatomy scan, where obviously you can’t see as much since they’re still so small, but a quick check over of things like brain, bladder, all of the limbs, etc. Knowing all of the things I now know can go wrong, I would honestly insist on one, and wouldn’t be waiting until 20 weeks at the anatomy scan (which was actually the norm when pregnant with my oldest two - NT and NIPT weren’t a thing yet).

My kids all definitely understood losing their sister (they are 9, 8, and now 4 was 3 at the time). We said the same, sometimes babies are too sick for doctors to fix and they die. My 4 year old still says that often and talks about her often (we talk about missing her openly a lot). My worry isn’t them not understanding, but that they would possible be worried about another baby dying, and I don’t want any of them to have that worry. 😕 And maybe they won’t, but I have a feeling at least my 4 year old will. 

anniemarie887

i will try and come back for a real post - i just got busy at work
i am happy with a blanket month long thread or weekly! 

froggerblue

@litzi-2 My obgyn recommended NT and serum markers (instead of NT and NIPT) as those are covered by insurance here. There are various heart and artery issues as well as growth issues that can be diagnose early with an NT scan. I haven't heard of AFP either. Can you share more information on that test?

Sadly NIPT isn't covered by insurance here and it cost over 600$. So where I live, it's not considered the go to when you don't have any high risk factors. But, if you get a result from medium to high risk with the first screening, the NIPT is free to confirm the result. So at least, that's that.

litzi-2

alpha fetoprotein is just a screening for neural tube defects. i'll ask about NT and see what they say, thank you guys.

anniemarie887

@litzi-2 with my first in 2019 I was 31/32 years old and I was NT or NIPT. I’m not sure if their philosophy has changed, or it’s bc I’m “AMA” at 35/36 but this time it was NT and NIPT. 

starlight8323

@runningyogimamaThank you for posting these check-in threads each week! I’d like to think that if my appointment tomorrow (11w0d) goes well, I’ll start feeling a lot more confident and will feel more comfortable checking in with the rest of the group. But I can’t say for sure. ☺️ Maybe at some point the amount of participation in the PGAL threads will start declining, and that’s how you’ll know? That is so precious, that you got to see Baby rubbing their eyes today 🥹 I think given the circumstances, if I were in your position, I personally would choose to find out the gender for sure, because I wouldn’t want to assume it’s the gender that the tech accidentally said, and get my heart set on it, then it turn out not to be true in September! 

@froggerblue I’m so sorry to hear that your nausea is still getting worse! 💛 I can definitely relate to what you said about usually being a an optimistic, smiling, energetic person, and PGAL changing your nature! I’m usually a very positive person, and it feels so strange to me, to feel like there is zero chance this pregnancy will have a good outcome.

@babysavvy I so feel for you, having to wait one month between scans! 

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Weeks/EDD?
10w6d       Due 9/27 

Any appointment updates?
Tomorrow is my 11 week ultrasound. During my last pregnancy, I found out at my 11 week scan that I had miscarried at around 9 weeks.

Any big milestones?
If the appointment goes well, then tomorrow will be the longest I’ve ever been pregnant.

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?
Physically, I’m okay.

Emotionally, I feel like I’m living in a dual reality. In one reality, family, friends, and co-workers ask me about my pregnancy, how I’m feeling, when I’m due, if I’ve chosen a name, etc… and I answer them happily, “I’m feeling okay,” “I’m due in September,” ”I’ll probably wait until it gets closer to the third trimester to decide the name,” “I have an ultrasound coming up this Wednesday, so I’ll text you a pic, if I get a good one!” 

Then after they leave, the second reality kicks in, where I feel like there won’t be a third trimester, and nothing will happen in September, and that the text I send them after my appointment won’t be a cute ultrasound pic, but will be telling them that the baby passed away. 

I know there’s something wrong in my brain, making me think this way. But if somehow tomorrow goes well, I think/hope it will resolve itself.

Rants/Raves/Questions? natm

runningyogimama

@starlight8323 Oh my gosh, you are not broken for thinking that way!!! Pregnancy/baby/child loss is traumatic. Trauma literally rewires the brain. You are expecting a previous lived outcome because that is what your brain has already experienced - that is so incredibly normal! It really truly is. There is nothing wrong with you. PGAL is HARD - it’s so much harder than pregnancy without a prior loss…there’s no comparison (which is also for me why this thread is helpful - and I actually had the same thought, that if participation here drops off, maybe then we can switch to monthly instead, and if it never does, keep doing weekly). 

I’ve got more replies, but I’ll have to come back - I just couldn’t read that and not respond. ❤️

starlight8323

@runningyogimama Thank you so much for your kind words, they really meant a lot! 💛 That is exactly what is happening, I feel like I’m just re-living the same experience I had before, not a new one! 

froggerblue

@starlight8323 I feel this duality is normal. I also have moments when I truly think I'm enthusiastic about my pregnancy, but I also feel the constant dread. I know it can be hard, well it is for me, but try to not feel guilty over feeling happy or dreadful. It's okay to feel scared and it's also okay to rejoice when you feel like it. Feel free to share how you feel. You are in a safe space.

anniemarie887

@starlight8323 absolutely normal and i have nerves before every sonogram. once you've experienced that i don't think you can turn it off in your brain. 

Weeks/EDD? 13w/Sept 13

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? emotionally - i think finally some relief, physically - it's different every day, more good days than bad. 

Any appointment updates? NT scan was Monday and everything looks great, we saw legs/arms/cute little nose, nuchal fold was 1.6mm. my OB got my lab orders sorted, i may try and run down to the hospital today and handle it... i go back 3/17 for a normal OB appt, but if i can run down today we would have all the labs back by my appointment. 

Any big milestones? we've passed them all! 

Rants/Raves/Questions? it's wild to think i've had 4 sonos already, i had 4 total with my daughter in 2019. between NT and anatomy will be the longest wait for a scan. definitely hoping that as a STM i start to feel movement earlier than i did with my daughter (which was 20 weeks).

froggerblue

@anniemarie887 I'm glad you passed all your big milestones and the labs order trouble is resolved.

sdunstan

@starlight8323 I have the same challenge. It is so hard. My birthday was this week and my SIL told me she was hoping for another “happy healthy year” but last year I lost a baby and I can’t help but worry this year I’ll go through it again. It’s hard to imagine a happy healthy year right now.


@runningyogimama our three year old was very aware of our last pregnancy and so we had to talk about how baby wasn’t with us anymore and we were going to wait to tell her this time but when I threw up the first time she caught on right away. But it is hard bc I worry about what she’ll go through if we lose this baby too. Also I really appreciate this thread. There aren’t many people in my life who understand and you all have been a blessing.

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Weeks/EDD? 14 wks 3 days (September 3rd)

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?

Exhausted. I know the second trimester is supposed to mean energy but I am not feeling it yet. 

Any appointment updates?

I have a heartbeat check this week (03/09) and at 16 weeks. 

Any big milestones?

Yesterday marked the day we lost our last baby. I have an at home Doppler and checked heartbeat today and I’m really grateful for that but it has been hard. 

Our due date for last baby is tomorrow also. 

Rants/Raves/Questions?
just feeling like everyone I’m close to is so moved on and not aware of how hard this has been. Trying to have empathy that they don’t want to hear the hard, or my sad… i couldn’t even celebrate my birthday or think about this week bc of all the milestones and felt so lonely in that. Grateful for my husband but wish the people who say they care for me would also want to be part of the hard moments with me, not just the easy ones. Also tired of feeling weepy. 

runningyogimama

@sdunstan I’ve seriously said so many of those exact words before - I even said yesterday, after I did announce to a small group of friends (actually from my M13 BMB), that what’s making me hesitant to announce to family is knowing there will be people who want to show up and celebrate and will congratulate us and send us gifts, who didn’t even say a single word when our daughter died. I understand it’s a them problem with their own issues with loss and grief and not a me/personal issue, but it makes me not want them in my life at all.

@anniemarie887 I just said to my husband that I’ve already at this point had as many ultrasounds as two of my pregnancies, and more than the other two! That’s great you’ve passed all of your milestones. 

Now I can’t even remember who else I was going to respond to yesterday. 😅😅 My brain is as tired as my body!