Why so confusing

weel

Hey, I am now 9months since suffering my miscarriage, since then we have been trying but nothing, I started using OV strips but very quickly got disheartened when the line was faint and then dissapeared (never got 2 dark lines). So this window I decided not to test and hope for the best, I am now 5days away from AF and ive got sore breasts, sore back and started to bloat, I have taken a pregnancy test and it's negative I am utterly heartbroken I know I should never have tested but I genuinely felt that I could have been this time. 
I will need to start using the OV strips but I worry that I will never see 2 dark lines indicating my LH surge, I am a few months away from turning 40 doctors have asked me to wait until April before going back for tests but this is torture