PGAL/Complications Check-in

thescarletmom

It's been a hot minute since we did a PGAL check in, I don't think we've done one since the new year!

And I think at this point in the game, PGAL and complications anxiety probably overlap a lot, so we can all check in here if we want 🩶

Weeks/EDD:

Loss/Complications history:

How are you feeling? Physically and mentally:

Upcoming milestones:

Rants/Raves:

Anything else?:

thescarletmom

Weeks/EDD:

23w2d / June 14

Loss/Complications history:

5 first tri miscarriages; 20w low-lying placenta

How are you feeling? Physically and mentally:

Physically I'm feeling pretty good. I have things here and there, like heartburn and fatigue/insomnia. But that's making everything way harder mentally. Yesterday I was sitting at my desk and it just hit me that I didn't *feel* pregnant (i.e. terrible), and I had a mini mental breakdown about that. I keep having horrible nightmares and intrusive thoughts that I'm not really pregnant at all, I've made it all up in my head, etc. Wtf? I would like to file a complaint.

Upcoming milestones:

Viability next week. I know my husband is holding his breath for it but I'm not sure how much better I'll feel. Our follow up u/s is right before DS2s birthday at the end of next month.

Rants/Raves:

I guess the good part of not feeling like a dumpster fire (and the insomnia) is that I've been able to nest and deep clean around the house. But really, really, REALLY over it with the constant anxiety

Anything else?:

monkey_mcfee

Weeks/EDD: 23w6d, June 10

Loss/Complications history: 1 early miscarriage at 9 weeks after a fourth IUI

How are you feeling? Physically and mentally: physically - really good actually, I’ve been focused on doing a pregnancy workout most days and have kept it up. If the heartburn would leave though, I’d be happy. Mentally - I’m finally accepting that this baby is happy and healthy, and might make it after all. It helped that we learned the loss was because of a freak genetic thing unlikely to happen again. 

Upcoming milestones: next ob appointment next Friday

Rants/Raves: every timei feel baby kick or move it makes me really happy!! Lets me know things are moving along
 
Anything else?:

thoseboysmama

Weeks/EDD: 22wk 3 days / June 21st

Loss/Complications history: I had a miscarriage last year. I was due around this exact same time. We were road tripping and I miscarried on the side of a highway on a dirt road. All the kids in the car. Had to stop and get diapers and clothes for me. I somehow managed to get all the blood off the seat. I'll never forget passing that baby and not being able to find it in the dark. I have driven by that spot 3 times now. Everytime it makes me soo sad. 

How are you feeling? Physically and mentally:

I feel great. I play little mental games with myself which may seem strange but little milestones before I can do any purchasing. I avoid certain appts which I never did until my "pandemic" baby and realized how much the regular appts made me stress. So this time I'm sorta following that method. 

Upcoming milestones: Our 10 year is coming up and I'm trying to think of something special to do. If we go to our mountain property it's too high in altitude. I had planned on doing a night out there just us, but don't want to risk it with baby. Otherwise just waiting for that 3rd trimester. 

Rants/Raves: We just went to a water park with the fam. I did a few slides in a tube because we had to have an adult with the each kid. Per the rules. Then I saw a sign saying no pregnant women, which I think is more liability, but then worried me. I do rougher slides at the park with them. When more adults came I stopped to be safe. All seems fine. I know I'm pregnant but truly forget sometimes amongst the fun of the other kids and not wanting them to feel like their worlds are all about waiting for baby now. They understand I can't do all the things anymore, but it still makes them sad. We ride, play soccer, basketball, baseball, hike. Just a very active bunch and now I have to tone it down. My oldest said I can beat you in a race now. 🤣 give me a few months kid, and I'll reclaim my speed!

thescarletmom

@monkey_mcfee I'm glad you're feeling more secure now that you know what happened with your loss 🩶 also would like my heartburn to go away, it's one of the more irritating symptoms I have currently. And yay for baby kicks!

@thoseboysmama a friend of ours used to own a comic book shop that we spent a lot of time at. My second miscarriage happened in the back bathroom there, and I only realized after he closed it that I had subconsciously avoided using that bathroom for years after it happened. Ah, the little mind games we play that make ourselves feel better and worse. I hadn't consciously set any limits on purchases but I could not bring myself to buy so much as newborn socks before our anatomy scan. I still am struggling with buying anything more than clothes and cloth diapers. For example, I want to order a solly wrap, have added one to my cart so many times, but there's something in me afraid to actually pull the trigger. I think I'll try and convince myself it's okay to order after my next midwife appointment if it goes well. Passing on things that bring you more stress than peace is always good 👍 I would also say that a lot of those signs are just liability, and a few times with your kids when it's not very busy won't be a big deal! It's hard to not make your bigger kids feel like the baby is taking things away from them before they're even born so I totally get it.

pttomato

Weeks/EDD: June 23, 22 weeks 1day

Loss/Complications history: GD, incompetent cervix with cerclage

How are you feeling? Physically and mentally: Physically I’m feeling pretty good. IC is weird because you really can’t feel it so I have to remember to take it easy even when I feel like I can do a lot more.

Mentally I’m doing ok. The last two cervical measurements were good, the cerclage is working well. My blood sugars are still good too. The third trimester has always cause an increase in insulin resistance so we’ll see what happens at that point, but it’s weird to think I could make it through a pregnancy without needing insulin.

Upcoming milestones: Two more weeks until I’m 24 weeks. 3/31 I’ll be 28 weeks which is the first “big” milestone, so mostly I’m just trying to get to April.

Rants/Raves: I’ve been doing ok with my activity limitations most of the time. Sometimes I get frustrated feeling restricted, but potential avoiding strict hospital bedrest is definitely worth it, especially with the older kids. 

I feel like the GD is so routine at this point I spend hardly any time thinking about it, which is such a contrast from my first pregnancy. I’m not sure it’s good that I’m so used to it, but it’s nice to not have the added stress.

Anything else?:

kalesix3

@thescarletmom I love this, I was just thinking about our old pgal threads 💜

Weeks/EDD:
25 weeks tomorrow, June 3rd or 4th depending on who you ask 🤦🏻‍♀️ 

Loss/Complications history:
Two first tri miscarriages +full term stillbirth

How are you feeling? Physically and mentally:

Physically I feel good, just tired, I seem to have officially completely run out of my second trimester stores of energy. 😛 I have a lot less anxiety than what I started the pregnancy with, I feel like, or maybe I'm managing it better, the growth scans every few weeks and all the movement and personality this little baby has is helping too, my ultrasound got rescheduled for Monday, so I'm just waiting. 
I have noticed a ton of weird mental hangups happening though which doesn't thrill me, I think I'm just stressed and upset to leave the house my daughter died in honestly. I feel a bit out of control mentally about it. Aggressive worrying about whether I'm prepared is something going on too, I guess maybe subconsciously I feel if I don't do a good enough job preparing for the baby I won't get to have a living baby or something, honestly it's all a bit much and I can't seem to stop having stupid nightmares when all I want to do is have happy baby dreams.
It's funny I've been no contact with severely abusive bio family members for 8 years and they  don't really have a noticeable presence in my bank of nightmare material until I'm pregnant and then it's a free for all apparently, I'm so freaking over it. 

Upcoming milestones: surviving birth is the biggest one but I have all my third trimester NSTs to get past which feels like a milestone. 

Rants/Raves: I'm going to pick up my son's placenta this weekend, that's all I can really think of.

Anything else?:

thescarletmom

@pttomato I've definitely had a difficult time remembering that I'm supposed to be taking it easy because I'm not in any pain, so there's nothing physically that I can fall back on as a sign that I'm doing too much. It sucks, especially when DS2 just wants me to hold him while we're at the park or something. I'm happy to hear that so far everything is holding steady with your cerclage and GD 🩶

@kalesix3 I am overall way less anxious now than I was at the start of this pregnancy, but the mental games that still pop up sometimes are not great. Years ago, DH read me a story off reddit where a man basically explained that his wife was experiencing a delusion, insisted she was pregnant, even though all the tests and doctors said she wasn't. And that no matter what anybody said she believed she was carrying a pregnancy and would get mad at him for not "acting like he was going to be a father soon" etc. Truly a tragic situation, she had a lot of trauma from their recent infertility diagnosis. But when I went to go lay down in bed earlier this week all I could think was "what if I've hallucinated this entire pregnancy like reddit lady and just nobody is correcting me?" I had a very strong fear going in to our anatomy scan that they'd start the ultrasound and there would just be nothing on the screen. Outside of this weirdly specific panic (not that my baby has died but that she simply never was in the first place) I get occasionally, I don't really have much anxiety anymore... but boy does it still suck when this comes up. 

I can only imagine how hard it must be, consciously or subconsciously, to wrestle with leaving the home you thought you'd bring your daughter in to. Little trauma triggers that pop up like that are so hard.

littlebabybuster

Weeks/EDD:
25w1d June 2nd 

Loss/Complications history:
2 first tri miscarriages, bells palsy & preterm labor at 31w 

How are you feeling? Physically and mentally:
physically, i’ve been feeling fine, this baby carries really low & he loves to burrow till it hurts 😅 but i get my cervix measured weekly via ultrasound to make sure the pressure i feel isn’t caused by incompetent cervix. so far everything has been good & doctor says i’m not needing a cerclage. i also have gd with this pregnancy but i’ve been able to control my blood sugar levels just with my diet which has been nice, in result i haven’t gained any weigh this pregnancy, on the contrary i’ve lost 24 pounds so far and baby is growing right on track!
mentally, i’ve tried to stop myself from thinking too much of stillbirths. i don’t have a history with stillbirths but knowing women with gd have a higher risk messes with my mind, i tell my husband i won’t feel 100% at peace until this baby boy is in my arms alive & well, so many horror stories develop in a matter of minutes and i have to snap myself out of thinking about it 😬

Upcoming milestones:
just passing that 31w mark will be such a big step! i went into preterm labor with my first born so i’ve also been on weekly progesterone injections, once i pass that mark i’ll feel like the pain from the injection sites is worth it!

Rants/Raves:
babe’s been extremely active & i love how he puts on shows for my husband & 4 year old, i love seeing both of them huddled over my belly feeling and watching every kick & roll! it’s the best feeling