Dealing with previous miscarriage anxiety and staying positive in current pregnancy

pottsyj3

Hi all, new here but just wanted to post as I am sure others have gone through the same. We had a miscarriage in October 2022 and we had been thinking we would not get pregnant again because my husband had fertility testing done and his numbers were low. Well much to our surprise we got pregnant again and are currently 6.5 weeks in.

We are both struggling to stay positive about the progression of the pregnancy as I had covid over the weekend and wasn't well and as of last night had some light spotting. This has not progressed to heavier bleeding so far but it worries us that its progressing on a similar pattern to last time (light bleeding, then nothing). I started with a dull ache in my lower back and some mild cramping today but find it hard to tell if these are normal pregnancy symptoms or the more dreaded cause. I do still have a lot of gas, bloating and had tenderness in my breasts this morning so hoping that's positive.

Has anyone else struggled with the anxiety that a previous miscarriage can cause and do you have any advice on being more positive? Pregnancy for us isn't joyful and happy, its just daily concern over the health of the pregnancy.

froggerblue

Hi @pottsyj3! I'm sorry that you are feeling anxiety due to a recent pregnancy loss. I would invite you to join the PGAL (pregnancy after loss) Check-in thread and the Pregnancy after loss thread. I'm pretty sure you will find kindred souls in those two threads. We might not have all the answers you need, but we complain and support each other through that. Know that you are not alone, and being concerned and scared is okay. I am in a similar situation and I can understand a bit how you feel as I had a fourth miscarriage last august and have been dealing with an anovulation problem.

pottsyj3

Hi @froggerblue, thank you very much for responding and I am sorry to hear you have gone through all that. I will certainly ask the questions over there. Thanks very much again.

starlight8323

@pottsyj3  Welcome to the September 2023 board! We’re so glad you’re here, and we hope you’ll find some support for what you’re going through! Be sure to also post on our “Introductions” thread, so we can get to know you a bit better, and be sure to read the “Read this First - Board Organization” thread, so you can get a feel for the board! 😊
I’m so sorry to hear about your previous loss and the anxiety that you and your husband are feeling! I can definitely relate to the feeling of anxiety after a miscarriage! It is so exhausting, over-analyzing every little feeling, symptom, and twinge! I’m sorry to hear that you’re having some spotting and light cramps, that must be sooo hard! I hope you can get some reassurance soon! 💛✨

momhopeful29

I miscarried in August. Today I learned I’m 7w1d and heard a heartbeat. It’s so hard to go about each day hoping baby is okay. What’s been helping me is making a list of things I can do each day to help keep baby healthy. It’s little things like make sure to eat breakfast, 24oz of water by lunch, a snack of fruit after work before dinner. This early it’s most likely chromosomal if there is a miscarriage and nothing us mamas can do. But it helps I think to shift to positive mental checking of the todos. I’ve also been talking to baby. It helps me feel connected so that no matter what happens I know our time together has been special. 

Keeping you in my thoughts ❤️

starlight8323

@momhopeful29 Wow, these are all great tips! I completely agree about talking to your baby, so that no matter what happens our time together was special! This is something I practice, as well as taking lots of pictures wherever I go! I cherish every photo in the album I put together of my first pregnancy! Even though it was just a short time, baby and I had lots of memories together! 

runningyogimama

Welcome! Definitely check out our PGAL threads!

I wanted to add, since so much is about kind of forced positivity and positive affirmations and all of that, that it’s also okay if you’re not feeling positive, either for the moment, of the entire pregnancy. You can lean into and feel your feelings - they’re all valid. If you’re anxious and scared and hesitant to get your hopes up, that is valid. You don’t have to be hopeful. You don’t have to force positivity in a way that doesn’t feel genuine to you. Being positive or not has no bearing on the outcome of your pregnancy. ❤️

pottsyj3

Thank you everyone for the words of encouragement and great advice. We are both typically pessimistic people so it is natural for us to be on the more negative side of thinking but these definitely help. Our family Dr. requested an earlier scan for us so here's hoping we get a date for that soon which would help greatly. Currently not supposed to be having a scan until March 2nd so quite a wait yet.

My partners sister is a nurse who worked in gynecology so it is reassuring to have her to bounce concerns off but realizing she doesn't understand the anxiety previous miscarriages can cause, she will ask questions like do we know our due date or will we find out our gender, both questions are so far from our minds right now as our focus is just getting by day-to-day.

Thank you again everyone.