Pregnancy After Loss

mamatobe0619

Hi everyone! I am currently 5 weeks 4 days and feeling a huge mix of emotions!
Congratulations as well to everyone who got that positive result! Yay!
For me this pregnancy has been quite nerve wracking and I’m thinking that might resonate with others.
This is my first pregnancy after a loss (the first was a blighted ovum).
With knowing how common this is, I wanted to put this discussion out here to promote super positive thoughts for anyone who may be experiencing their first pregnancy after loss.
Here’s to the next 8 or so months and sending positive vibes to all of you❤️

saybae

hey! I’m in the same boat. I had a loss in September. I pray all of our babies stick

musicianmomma

I lost my first pregnancy in November and just found I'm expecting again. I pray our babies stay with us too!

chartput

Not my first pregnancy after loss. But I had two miscarriages before we moved on to IVF. Now I have my 13 month old and we got a surprise + test a week before christmas. Very anxious since all of our natural pregnancies have been miscarriages. But our first ultrasound looked good. Having gone through this before though, I can tell you the anxiety doesnt go away until the baby is in your arms. Hoping for the best for all of us!

iiridescenti

We are on our 3rd IVF attempt - 1st was a MC at 7.5wks without a known cause and 2nd failed. We don't have many tries left so we're being extra super cautious!

The anxiety is real though - I cried today cause we were going to get Korean tofu but I wasn't sure if the side dishes would be fresh enough so we ended up going somewhere else! I told my husband we can go back in the 2nd trimester instead when risk of MC is much lower!

runningyogimama

I’m here, but not in the “staying positive” camp, so hope I’m still welcome. We lost our daughter 9/1/22 at 17 weeks due to T21, and then I had a MC in December to really squash my last little bit of hopefulness. 

I’m feeling pretty numb to this pregnancy, and don’t think I’ll feel better about it unless a live baby is born. Once you’ve experienced something that was a percent of a percent of a percent chance of happening, after a point in pregnancy when you’re supposed to be “safe,” nothing really feels safe anymore. 

iiridescenti

@runningyogimama so sorry for your losses - stay strong and try not to stress (to give your current the best chance!) We're all here to support you along the way! 

ash_marie33

Trying to stay positive. I had 2 miscarriages last year, and one was a partial molar pregnancy. Also have felt a little numb to this pregnancy, and had some bleeding (after having sex last night) which has me totally freaked out. I’m praying that it is just normal bleeding and nothing to worry about. 

benten24

runningyogimama said:

I’m here, but not in the “staying positive” camp, so hope I’m still welcome. We lost our daughter 9/1/22 at 17 weeks due to T21, and then I had a MC in December to really squash my last little bit of hopefulness. 

I’m feeling pretty numb to this pregnancy, and don’t think I’ll feel better about it unless a live baby is born. Once you’ve experienced something that was a percent of a percent of a percent chance of happening, after a point in pregnancy when you’re supposed to be “safe,” nothing really feels safe anymore. 

Your feelings are valid and there’s no rule saying everyone has to be “positive” about pregnancy or childbearing or really anything. Feel your emotions and let yourself process through them, mama. 

I’m so sorry for your losses and I hope that this pregnancy is the most boring, uneventful pregnancy for you

benten24

This is my first pregnancy after an early MC a few months ago. The first week of knowing about this baby was rough for me; emotionally, I was not sure this one would stick. I also have anxiety about everything and just kind of prepare for the worst. I’m wondering if I’ll feel more attached after my first US and once I see a heartbeat. To be determined!

wanderlustsoul

And to add…not being positive doesn’t have an impact either way on the pregnancy. PGAL sucks. 

runningyogimama

@benten24 and @wanderlustsoul thank you for saying that. I am super against toxic positivity, so was truly hoping that wasn’t going to be a common theme here like I was seeing, or else was going to peace out completely, because I can’t deal with that attitude right now. 

benten24

@runningyogimama definitely not from me! I’m a realist and don’t mind having all the hard talks. The forced positivity we feel we need to present to the world (IMHO) leads to unhealthy emotional responses & teaches us to avoid things instead of processing through them in a healthy manner. I’m really glad that you are setting boundaries (i.e., being okay with dipping from this BMB if it’s not as real as you need)! If you ever want to chat, I’m here!

wanderlustsoul

@runningyogimama I am also against it and I think it’s unfair to say to someone. After loss, you get to feel whatever you want to feel. I am so, so nervous. After 2 miscarriages, it’s hard to be positive because I didn’t think it was gonna happen again to me last pregnancy and it did. So. 🤷🏽‍♀️ 

runningyogimama

@benten24 I 100% agree with everything you said! Forced positivity is incredibly damaging, and then that just perpetuates everyone feeling they can’t show their feelings, so don’t even feel their feelings because they think that’s abnormal. I also refuse to TW about my daughter for this same reason - I always used to think TW were for the benefit of loss parents so would use them about any kind of horrible sickness or loss, but I now know other loss isn’t a trigger for loss parents - it’s for everyone else’s benefit because talking about loss and grief make them so uncomfortable, so they prefer to ignore it. 🙄

@wanderlustsoul It’s SUPER not okay to tell anyone who’s been through loss (or anyone!!) to just stay positive because worrying is bad for the baby (like, NO, worrying/stress doesn’t cause MC or chromosomes issues or stillbirth - no, that’s not on mom, how unfair to even imply it, ever!) - but my response to that was not going to be a very nice one (so I just didn’t response), so I’m glad you said something. 

anniemarie887

hi all, this is my 5th pregnancy. i have one daughter, from my first pregnancy. i had three losses between sept 2021 and may 2022. two d&c's, then a hysteroscopy to remove retained tissue. the first d&c was due to a MMC that was dx Jan 2022, we were not told before my appt that the hospital was back to restricting guests b/c of covid, and i had to get my u/s and find out alone. it was extremely traumatizing. i wound up being dx with chronic endometritis, prob due to the retained tissue. i had to do two rounds of insane antibiotics, and each time check with a uterine biopsy. finally was cleared in november. 

that being said, i am excited but nervous. i had three early, and great, betas last week. my RE just had me do a 4th today for peace of mind. i will go in 6w4d for an u/s. really glad to be getting some extra hand holding after everything we've been through. i loathe toxic positivity. i am a very feel your emotions, acknowledge that they are all valid type of person. 

babysavvy

Currently 5w5d after two losses last year. Just started spotting. This stinks. If you pray, please pray for us. 

knottieb5c46387e307d32b

This is my first positive pregnancy test since we lost our little girl at 22 weeks in September 2021. I am absolutely terrified, but also extremely hopeful that the sticks and we have a very healthy baby.

Expecting women to be nothing but happy and sunshine and rainbows really disregards their emotions. So, excuse me for not being super excited, and unfortunately, I probably won’t be until after our 20 week, anatomy scan.
I feel for everyone and their pregnancy traumas, it’s a long road. 

runningyogimama

@babysavvy Thinking of you!

litzi-2

@runningyogimama thank you for pointing this out, that its ok to not be positive/ optimistic. Its worth saying that mental health issues (ie depression and anxiety) are real during and after pregnancy, especially with a history of complications or loss. Speaking from experience. I withdrew from friends and family and seriously suffered alone for a long time. It was hard for me to separate what was "normal grief/ adjustment" and depression. Just throwing that out there. 

my personal coping mechanism this pregnancy is to not think about as much as possible. i also shared with a few people early on, who I know have had loss and could be supportive. 

mamatobe0619

@runningyogimama I’m sorry for your loss and I’m sorry you felt as though my initial post was to force positivity. It really wasn’t forced at all. 

The reality is that emotions are complex and everyone goes through grief and emotions very differently. 

Some of us prefer to try to stay positive and that is okay too. 

runningyogimama

I woke up with a tiny amount of pink spotting, and I’m freaking out. 😭 I know it can be normal, but also, can be the start of the end. 

babysavvy

@runningyogimama 🙏🏼 ♥️ 

wanderlustsoul

@runningyogimama thinking of you and crossing it all that it’s nothing. 

benten24

babysavvy said:

Currently 5w5d after two losses last year. Just started spotting. This stinks. If you pray, please pray for us. 

@babysavvy thinking of you. I hope the spotting was short lived ❤️

knottie49a739150ea694ca

🙏🙏🙏🙏

ash_marie33

Been feeling a little anxious this week, not really for any particular reason. But after 2 miscarriages last year, this pregnancy still sometimes doesn’t feel real. I think it’s because we haven’t really told anyone yet (9.5 weeks now, and planning to tell family at 12 weeks). My husband is soooo supportive and he’s my life saver. But there are still moments of worry throughout the day. I’ve also had some mild cramping today and yesterday. Most likely just my uterus expanding, and occasional round ligament pain, but any little cramp or pain makes me sooooo worried and throws off my whole day. Thankful for this safe space 🙏🏼🤍

jesssin12

We have been trying for the past 2 years now and had 3 losses in that time… But we made it to 10 weeks safely as of a few days ago and want to put out the positive vibes!

jennaverhaeghe

My first pregnancy we lost at 20 weeks. I went to my 20 week us and was told no heartbeat. No reason. No explanation. It took 5 years after that to conceive our DD #1. Shortly after came DD#2. And now I’m 9 weeks with #3. It never gets easier. The anxiety and worry never goes away. Thinking of everyone and hoping everything works out for all of us.