New member trying to decide between DE and Adoption

faith2023

Hi, I’m new here and could really use some input. I’m 40 years old and have been married for 3 years. My husband and I have went through 5 cycles of IVF without success. On our last cycle, I became pregnant but it ended up being a chemical pregnancy. The doctor now recommends for us to proceed with donor eggs because I have a diminished ovarian reserve.. I really see a donor child as having a genetic connection to my husband as a big bonus. He already has a daughter and I wanted to be able to give him another child that is genetically connected to him as well. I think that’s my biggest reason why I want to choose the donor route. If he didn’t already have a child genetically connected to him I think I would go for adoption. On the other hand, if we did adoption, I was thinking perhaps we could try naturally while we waited because we were told traditional adoption can take 2 years on average.

I’m having such a hard time making a choice. I also don’t like the word “donor” I don’t understand why it isn’t just seen as pre birth adoption (well partial adoption). The word adoption makes me much more comfortable. I’m struggling with how I would tell our family about having a donor child, especially his side - because they are very judgemental. But with adoption, I would be very comfortable.

PLEASE give me some input if you’ve been through this or making a choice like this too.

nken20

Hi I had both sperm and egg donation and we had the treatment done overseas.  Adoption didn't really come to us as an option.  I want the baby to come out of my womb.  That is he only connection I will have with the baby.  I want to experience carrying the baby for nine months.  But the choice is yours to make of course.  Adopting would be less stressful in the sense that you don't have to go through all the protocols of IVF.  So I can see why you are more comfortable with it.  And maybe the stigma of IVF is higher that adopting.  Do let me know what you have decided in the end?

blacksnoww

Hi, I recommend discussing with your doc if IVF OE combined with PGS NGS/ PGD will increase your chances for getting pregnant. Also, some docs say ovarian rejuvenation can improve egg quality. The article explains the procedure. You also need to remember that IVF clinics (most of them) limit age of patients for IVF DE which get high success rates but you might need a few attempts. And most clinics offer IVF DE treatment to ladies aged max 45. At this moment the choice of good and best IVF clinics is not limited that this might change if you decide to undergo IVF DE  being e.g.  43-45.  Hope this helps. All of the best.