PGAL 12/15

stashattack

This thread is for those who are pregnant after a previous loss(es). TW for entire thread due to discussion of MC, TFMR, CP, etc. 

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Weeks/EDD?

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?

Any appointment updates?

Any big milestones?

Rants/Raves/Questions?

ccmrc143

Weeks/EDD? 5w3d Aug 14

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Emotionally it’s up and down. I’ve been waiting for this thread. I have moments of feeling confident and excited and other moments of fear. 

Any appointment updates? I have a nurse phone intake next Wednesday 

Any big milestones? I only made it to CD 31 with my CP and now I’m at CD 36. I also have way higher HCG than last time.  

Rants/Raves/Questions? How’s everyone planning to handle the holidays in terms of telling people? 

I’m very guarded and private and my family doesn’t know about my CP. my mom had 5 MCs and I’m an only child. I know that loss brings up trauma for her and so I never told her I was pregnant or had a miscarriage. I don’t plan to. And now I’m going to be with my parents for Christmas when I’ll be nearly 7 weeks along, God willing. I don’t know why I’m so scared to talk about it but I just am hoping to be able to hide my symptoms and get through the holidays as normal. 

emeraldcity603

Weeks/EDD? Aug 24

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?  I keep having this nagging feeling that I'm not actually pregnant. I tested again yesterday to see my line progression and the thought crossed my mind that it could end up being negative. The line appeared super fast and was very dark. Emotionally, I’m doing good. Just trying to focus on the upcoming holidays and not any impending doom. Physically, I’m a wreck. I am recovering from the flu and now have bronchitis. I probably need to see a doctor. 

Any appointment updates? I have a telehealth appointment today to discuss progesterone suppositories. My first loss was due to a very large SCH and I have had one with every pregnancy since. Last time I used progesterone to help reduce the size (don’t ask me the mechanism. I have no clue anymore) and it was so small the US tech didn’t even want to measure it. I pointed it out on the screen and requested it be measured. 

Any big milestones? I have had an early 2nd tri loss and a CP so I already have hit my milestone for the CP. Getting past week 14 will be my next. 

Rants/Raves/Questions? My midwife suggested an herbal tea to help with my illness. Echinacea is what it’s called. Has anyone ever drank that while pregnant. I’m not the super hippy dippy type so I usually only use western medicine. Especially in the early weeks like this. They suggested stuff like this with my last pregnancy and I would look into it and be too fearful to give it a try. 

@ccmrc143 I already told all my family. They are prayer warriors so they will have their entire church praying for this baby. I don’t see these people because they live in another city. So the only people I would face with the news of a MC would be my in-laws. 

ceclarlinetlo

Weeks/EDD? 3+4 is my best guess august 29

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?

emotionally I’m in my head about the darkness of my lines. My most recent loss was a CP in September. I got clear lines for a week but they stopped getting darker, I had 4 days of the same darkness before the line significantly faded. I’m right around the same timeline currently and I’m just so anxious to watch the lines get darker at-least every 2 days and so far that’s happening. 

Any appointment updates? I just can’t bring myself to call until 5 weeks. Cancelling my appointment last time was really hard. 

Any big milestones? Not yet *sigh* 

Rants/Raves/Questions?
I hate that I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about whether it’s time to POAS or not and having trouble going back to bed until it’s time. Last night it was 2am. 🙃 

ceclarlinetlo

@ccmrc143 I’ll be thinking of you over the holidays. I wish I could take advantage of the holiday gathering to tell my family but I’m not sure I will.  I’ll be 5 weeks and I would like to see a heartbeat first but I don’t live in the same state as any of them so they chance to say something in person is enticing, but my family aren’t really my support people I would go to if things end badly so I’m not sure I want to tell them yet. Plus I have an almost 6 year old so telling everyone else means he will know and I’m really not sure I want to open that can yet. 

ceclarlinetlo

@emeraldcity603 I’m sorry you have been sick. I had the flu for two weeks in November and couldn’t not believe how long it took to recover. I hope you are feeling better soon.

Also forgive all the separate posts. I’m old and tired and out of practice with the bump lol. My last BMB was Jan 2017. I did an Ava bracelet group with my second child. 

wendy838

Weeks/EDD? 6 weeks / Aug 11

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?  Same as everyone else I think...just taking it day by day. I've been taking a test every few days to just calm myself down when I see the 2 pink lines. I haven't had any blood drawn or seen any medical professional yet so it's my only way to see if I'm still pregnant.

Any appointment updates? I have a doctor's appointment on Dec 19 and an intake call with a midwife later that day. 

Any big milestones? My personal milestone is 8 weeks since that's when my first miscarriage happened, so I'll be a mess until new year's  

Rants/Raves/Questions? Trying to hide the early pregnancy this holiday season is going to be hard! I hope no one questions me when I don't drink at the get-togethers. We haven't told anyone in our family yet, waiting until after the new year.

emeraldcity603

@ceclarlinetlo I was the first out of everyone I know to come down with the flu and everyone else has recovered. I have coughed so much that my muscles ache from it. My throat is sore and I have no voice. I have 5 kids at home to wrangle and no one can hear anything I’m saying. DH is about to leave for a work trip so it’s all me for the next 6 days. I just need it to end. I didn’t get the flu shot this year but you bet I will be first in line for it next year. I have never been this sick. 

emeraldcity603

I’m trying to decide when I go in for my first US. They said I could go as early as 6 weeks or wait until 8 weeks. I may just do it at 7 weeks so I’m a little further along and we can see more. My telehealth appointment got rescheduled for Monday morning. I’m a little upset but a few extra days won’t hurt I guess. I’m just anxious to be taking the progesterone. 

ceclarlinetlo

I think 7 weeks is a sweet spot Because there is less chance of a limbo week. 6 weeks is a gamble for seeing a heartbeat. 

ceclarlinetlo

I’m feeling some twinges/cramps the last day. So minor I’d probably not really notice if I wasn’t symptom spotting like mad. My RHR has gone up a beat per day since getting my positive test and that didn’t happen last time so that’s helping me feel hopeful. 

Edit - typos

emeraldcity603

@ceclarlinetlo this is has been the strangest pregnancy for me so far. I haven’t had any of my usual twinges or cramping. I have only had 1, maybe 2 days, where I felt any cramping. I was convinced my test would be negative. When I saw the second lines (I took 2 tests simultaneously) I was shocked. I even waited later than I usually do to start testing because I didn’t want any super faint line that I would obsess about all day. So I tested on a day that would give me a yes or no and then I could just wait for my period. 

ceclarlinetlo

How was everyone over the weekend? 

I had a good cry yesterday worrying about whether my lines are dark enough. I’m hoping that actually crying is a sign of being hormonal (I’m not much of a cryer). 

My first big milestone to pass for my most recent loss is Wednesday. I feel like I am going insane from the days going so slow. 

ccmrc143

@ceclarlinetlo Aw I understand that — the crying and the lines. I didn’t cry between my loss and the start of this pregnancy. Now I cry a lot and count it as a symptom. In the bump app they say that feeling emotional counts as a symptom so hopefully that can help you feel a little better about it. The line darkness, man I have gone down all the rabbit holes. I’m sorry it’s been stressful for you. Last week I ran out of strips and it’s been a blessing to not even have the option. I’ve been tempted to go buy more but I figure it’s Christmas and there are a lot of better things to spend that money on. It’s all hard. I’m thinking of you and everyone else going through these first few weeks, juggling all the emotions and fears. I’m glad you have a milestone on Wednesday 🙏❤️

emeraldcity603

@ceclarlinetlo I think I’m going to step away from the tests. It’s causing me more anxiety than reassurance. I’m trying to stay calm and just keep telling myself there isn’t anything I can do to keep myself from MC. I haven’t had any bleeding or spotting so those are all good signs. I feel at this stage those would be the first signs something was wrong. I have been worried about being so sick. Last year I got pregnant right as I was recovering from COVID and it ended in a CP. I think my body was just fighting too hard to recover that it wouldn’t hold onto the pregnancy. I was so heartbroken. I also spent the next pregnancy freaking out and a huge ball of nerves. To the point I would convince myself I lost the baby and just break down and not be able to get out of bed all day. Anyways, I’m trying to avoid all those things this time. 

ceclarlinetlo

@ccmrc143  thank you 💜

@emeraldcity603 oh wow I can imagine how stressful that must feel to have been sick last time and again this time. Do you you feel like the antibiotics are working? 

emeraldcity603

@ceclarlinetlo I could tell a difference after the first dose of antibiotics. So they are definitely helping. 

I just had my telehealth appointment and I’m getting 200mg of progesterone to take through the first trimester. I’m so relieved. 

emeraldcity603

How is everyone? I started my progesterone last night so I’m feeling much more at ease now. 

gingermama29

Weeks/EDD? 4 weeks, 8/28

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?

Anxious but trying to stay positive. Physically, I’m getting over a nasty head cold and am crazy congested. Dealing with mild nausea too but I’m happy to have symptoms.

Any appointment updates? I had my second beta today and it more than doubled from 147 to 397! That is definitely reassuring me. Next beta is Monday and then my RE will schedule my first ultrasound.

Any big milestones? My first loss was at 7.5 weeks (blighted ovum) so seeing the First scan and hearing a heartbeat will do a lot to ease my anxiety.

Rants/Raves/Questions? Anytime else doing lovenox injections? I’m getting MASSIVE bruises from the injections! Like half dollar sized. I’m a ginger so I already bruised super easily but woof!

ceclarlinetlo

@emeraldcity603 I’m glad your progesterone is giving you some peace of mind. Every little reassurance is so important so early on. 

@gingermama29 I am taking baby aspirin, and I got an enormous bruise from dropping the smallest book on my foot. I had a blighted ovum back in 2015 so I totally understand how you are feeling. Fingers crossed for all of us! 

emeraldcity603

@gingermama29 aim not taking any injections. I can’t wait for the reassurance of the first US too. I have to wait a week longer than I originally wanted because DH will be out of town. I wish I had more consistent symptoms. I haven’t felt nauseous or queasy in a few days. I’m just trying not to dwell. 

gingermama29

@emeraldcity603 it’s SO hard not to dwell, especially after having a loss! How long do you have to wait for an US? I’m still with an RE so I’ll get mine pretty early on

emeraldcity603

@gingermama29 the second week of January. Last pregnancy I got lots of US with MFM doctor because we have 2 kids with a fetal heart defect. It’s not major just a bicuspid valve instead of a tricuspid. They weren’t able to tell me anything last pregnancy with any certainty so I’m opting out of all the extra US this time around. It’s too hard to make appointments when my husband is available to keep all the kids. We will take the baby in for an echo after he/she is born. 

I swore I wasn’t going to test anymore because the last test looked lighter and really freaked me out. I broke down and did it again. Just to see if the line was continuing to get lighter. Thank goodness it’s not! I feel so much better. The test line is almost as dark as the control line. 

ccmrc143

so I have a suspicion that our close friends from out of town are pregnant with number 2. They’re visiting us next week but we saw on FaceTime and DH and I both thought we saw a bump. That thought brought me extreme anxiety and despair. Instead of thinking that rational thought of “wow if she’s pregnant then we can be pregnant at the same time and our second kids will be close in age!” I reacted as if I wasn’t pregnant at all, as if being confronted with her potential pregnancy would bring up all the grief I’m still holding from my loss in October. I’m now so scared about this totally unproven hypothetical and it’s made me realize that I don’t actually believe I’m pregnant or having a baby. I feel much more confident that I’ll have another loss, that my ultrasound will come back with bad news, or that I’ll start bleeding at any moment. This is so hard. I want to turn off my brain until this baby arrives, or at least until my first scan on Jan 11. I found myself repeating over and over last night a prayer that I think I made up, and I’m not even sure i believe any of this: Holy Spirit wash over me and make me whole. No idea where it came from as more of a non-believer than anything. Early pregnancy after loss is a world I don’t want to be in. Grateful to have this space to let it out. 

ceclarlinetlo

@ccmrc143 💜 I wish I could push a fast forward button to January 11th for you. I totally understand assuming this will be another loss, I think that’s a totally normal coping mechanism. I wish I could say something that would help alleviate the stress. I’ll be thinking of you today. 

emeraldcity603

@ccmrc143 As a believer, I believe prayer to be a very powerful thing. That’s a beautiful prayer you have been saying. I hope it brings you some peace.