Miserable/feel like I can’t do this

knottiebc405fd79e64ddf2

This was me and my husbands main goal after getting married, to have a family. All I want now is to be a mother but I feel so miserable, more than I’ve ever felt in my whole life (and I’ve been through a fair amount of physical set backs and challenges) that it’s scary to feel like I want to do anything to feel better. Anything to make this misery go away. Anything. I keep hearing it’s gonna get better in the second trimester but I’m afraid this is going to truly break me. I’m in week 8 and I can’t imagine doing this for another month. There has not been a second I’ve felt even half way decent. I’m constipated, and I feel like my blood sugar is so screwed up. Help. I feel so guilty for having these terrible thoughts of “omg I don’t even want this anymore.” How do women do this???

Please keep any judgement to yourself. I won’t be able to mentally handle it. Please be kind.

00kim00

First, let me say that I'm pregnant with my first after 7 years of infertility, loss, surgery, and eventually IVF. In no version of reality could you say that this baby and this pregnancy weren't extremely wanted. When I found out I was pregnant (especially given my history of loss), I was determined to celebrate and enjoy every second of this pregnancy, no matter how long it lasted. 

Even with that, though, from about week 6-8 until maybe week 18-20 (it does NOT magically go away as soon as you hit second trimester), I felt so horrible I thought I might be ok if this turned into another loss, or our remaining embryos on ice don't survive. The constant nausea was so draining and miserable. If you feel guilty, imagine how I felt having those thoughts after what I've been through to get here! 

But then... It got better. The nausea mostly went away, I started to feel baby move, it became more real, I felt pregnant but not miserable, and all the discomforts became totally manageable. I made it through, and so will you. I'm now 37 weeks and still wanting to (and for the most part actually am) enjoy every day of this pregnancy.

You can do this. The misery is only temporary, even if it does last longer than one trimester for you.
 And you end up with a baby in the end! If it doesn't get better, you may decide this is the only biological child you'll have; or you may decide it was so worth it you want another and are willing to go through it again. Pregnancy really sucks for some women, and it's ok to hate being pregnant. Or to hate it for a bit then become ok with it. And talk with your doctor- they have things that can help when you're miserable, constipation and nausea and whatever else you're feeling may have a solution, or at least something to help it improve to more tolerable.

knottiebc405fd79e64ddf2

Thank you so much for this…I REALLY needed to hear all of that right now. Because I can’t even feel excited about having a child right now. Even though I don’t and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, at least I know it’s coming. And at least I know that I’m not alone in feeling this way. Thank you 💜

bks-funkyfresh

I'm on pregnancy #3 and am having terrible anxiety and worry and intrusive thoughts. My husband thinks maybe I don't actually want this which is INSANE because I want this baby SO bad to be a part of our life and family. It's part of the reason I am having such bad anxiety and fear because I want more than anything for baby to be okay. He can't understand, (despite very much trying!!!) why I am detaching purposely during this first trimester or having all these fears. All that to show - you are not alone.

kpendo27

Thank you for being so vulnerable!!! You are not alone. I have so much irrational resentment and anger towards my husband because he isn’t feeling miserable…. Which is not fair, I know. But it’s truly rough right now. We had a tough journey to get where we are and we are so excited about this baby, but being miserable is NOT fun.  

knottiebc405fd79e64ddf2

Wow thank you for sharing that…I’m having some of the same fears which certainly doesn’t help. Thank you for making me feel like I’m not alone. Remember how strong you are. Because omg after experiencing this, I’m realize it’s insane how strong we truly are as women!!

knottiebc405fd79e64ddf2

I feel the same way! I make a joke that being a woman is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done lol I feel like it would be so much easier as a man. I’d trade places with my husband in a heartbeat!

teej2222

Sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind. I am so emotional and almost feel depressed sometimes. I hope it gets better🫣

pinkivy81

Thank you so much for this post. I’m currently in the bed crying because I’m so tired of feeling miserable. I miscarried last January, spent all of last year trying to get pregnant, had no viable embryos from IVF and then this happened spontaneously. I’ve been praying for this baby and am trying my best, but I’m in week 10 and have had 4 weeks of absolute misery. Nausea, fatigue, food aversions, NO food tastes/smells good so I’m so unfulfilled by meals but make myself eat so that I’m not more nauseated. I’ve tried healthy food, junk food, veggies, fruit and not one meal leaves me satisfied. I still try to motivate myself to workout, but even that’s become more difficult as my intake decreases. I want this, I prayed for this, and I feel terrible for feeling this way. I just want these symptoms to pass. 

knottied40c3c414a48d410

Relating to this so much. About 7.5 weeks now and the nausea is constant. It’s hard to be excited when I feel so crappy which ends up just making me feel so much guilt as well. Hoping the 2nd tri is easier for us all.

lexyjw

Thank you so much for sharing this because I’m feeling the exact same way. I’m 9 weeks into my first pregnancy and all I feel is anger, sadness and misery because I just want to not feel like this anymore and i don’t know how I’m going to endure the remaining months. I think because I’m feeling so terrible, it’s making me not feel connected to baby yet because all I want to do is cry over how I’m not feeling good and have no motivation to do anything because of it. It’s helpful reading these comments knowing I’m not alone in feeling this way. 

babyontheway1222

Thank you for being so honest in your post. It’s been so hard for me to talk about this because no one around seems to understand. I am grateful to have gotten pregnant and this is what I’ve always wanted but the constant all day nausea is making me miserable and also making me doubt myself as a mother. I also started a new job without telling them and i feel so guilty about that too. Woman have to endure so many things that men don’t. We are so strong. I am 9 weeks today, hoping second trimester will be a lot better for all of us…

nikestheraccoon

Girl, I've been ttc for 20 months, but feel absolutely terrible. I desperately want this baby, but feeling like you want to puke 20 hours a day is no picnic. With my son, I felt the nausea ease up around week twelve or so. Hopefully you can get some relief soon. 

knottie4b8183480277a1d2

I feel the exact same way. I wasn't 100% set on having kids but we thought we would leave it up to the universe to decide and I got pregnant right away. From week 7-now (11 1/2 weeks) it's been completely miserable. Everything makes me puke, I have zero energy, everyday is a constant struggle on figuring out what to eat.. it really messes with your head. I had feelings too of regret and how can I get through this or ever do this again? I feel like I'm neglecting everything in my life right now because of the condition I'm in and it's so hard to try and keep a good positive mind set. Praying it gets better for us all who are struggling ! Taking it day by day and any little win needs to be celebrated

hihelloitsemily

I’m only 4.5 weeks in (found out very early) and had to get medication for the nausea. I’m miserable. I’m starving but nothing alleviates the nausea. I’ve also questioned this, as it was unplanned and the dad has chosen to not be involved.

Currently sitting at the airport, with a flight that’s delayed hours and I’m miserable. Trying to live my life as normally as possible.

absutton85

Second pregnancy, morning sickness kicked in 3 days after my missed period, and now in week 7 I can barely do much more than sleep and barf. I'm having a hard time getting work done or spending time with my 3yo. Last time, my morning/all day sickness ended around week 16, and I'm just so bummed thinking about the long stretch of misery ahead of me. I have two jobs and am not sure how I'll get everything done. It's nice to just come and commiserate with people here because none of the tips online do anything for me. I just kind of have to accept being miserable for a few more months. 

knottie3f1491b811beb20d

Thanks for sharing this. You are absolutely not alone. I’m not one to usually posts comment on a public board + engage with strangers but I feel so alone and I’ve been struggling so much with this pregnancy. And reading your post made me feel not as alone, so thank you.

I’m currently 8w5d and in the thick of the first trimester. Massive nausea, intense hunger, food aversion to literally everything, puking often, fatigued 24.7, it’s so hard.

When we had our first , I was pregnant at the height of COVID and so I didn’t feel like I was missing out on much as everything was shut down.

I haven’t had a social life for the past 3 weeks and I miss people. I miss drinking. I miss ENJOYING food with friends and family. I miss having energy to talk and be present and engaged to my husband. I’ve been an awful employee. I feel like I’m not a present mother to my little girl (27 months).

I want a big family but I think this is the last time I can go thru pregnancy. So it makes me sad that my body just doesn’t handle pregnancy well at all. :(

sinclair29

Girls I feel ALL OF YOU! I am really glad to read there are many of us struggling and we are definitely not crazy or unique. I am in week 11 and I am miserable physically and mentally about 99% of the time. Exhausted, nauseous, dizzy, loss of appetite or extreme hunger, no energy to do anything, my apartment is a mess, the list goes on. I really hope at some point my body adapts to this because I don’t know how I’m going to do this until November. Also having really intense anxiety and depression feelings, I assume it’s the hormones messing with my brain. Anyone else had that? Good luck girls!

homesteadmum

Thanks everyone for posting.,, it helps to hear other people going though the same thing!  I’m 9 weeks tomorrow and hoping there’s soon a light at the end of the tunnel. Ya it’s so hard being sick all the time, getting so behind on everything and honestly I’m getting bored of myself talking about how sick I feel so what does everyone else think 😜I feel like just being a hermit so I don’t have to explain to people that I can’t even think about anything hardly except for how nauseous I am. 

Violet1286

I am in the same boat, I haven’t been to a doctor yet I think I’m about 5 weeks but the sickness is horrible I already normally don’t have a great stomach but this is pretty bad. Has anyone else experienced diarrhea and cramping/soreness ? I miscarried last October and everything makes the anxiety worse. Am I going to be this debilitated for 3 months?? Or will it become more regulated? Right now I can’t do much of anything, the nausea is constant and every day is just mentally taxing. Also if there’s anyone that can show me a little light at the end of the tunnel it would be greatly appreciated.

annaruns

Hi all and thank you so much for sharing. I'm a little over 6 weeks and feel absolutely awful 95% of the time. It makes me question whether I want this, whether it's worth it, and why we decided to try in the first place. I feel super guilty for saying/thinking those thoughts, especially when so many have a hard time conceiving, but I just feel like a shell of myself. I think the worst part is having to act like everything is normal around friends and coworkers until we get past the hurdle of the first trimester. I just feel so alone and like my whole world is caving in, but I have to pretend like everything is perfectly fine. I'm 38 and this is my first pregnancy, so the risks are definitely there. I understand why they caution you not to tell the whole world, but it certainly creates a really lonely, dark place that feels completely isolated. I'm so grateful for everyone here sharing similar stories and experiences, as it really helps alleviate some of that loneliness.

Violet1286

I can completely relate! I am an advocate of telling your core people though I miscarried in October and I’m pregnant again about 6 weeks now AMFI wouldn’t be able to do it without support from the people I told. The first time I told too many but if it makes you feel better maybe only tell a few so you have some good support especially moms!

annaruns

That's a good idea! It makes me nervous since I'm older, but probably holding onto a scrap of sanity is worth it! Thank you!

Violet1286

Totally understand I’ll be 37 in December 💗 it has helped me a lot I know there’s a lot of people that say to wait but you would want those people there if you (hopefully never experience it!) had a miscarriage or complication. 💗

knottie69f2953659183260

Firstly, you are not alone. For the longest time I had heard friends and family talk about how beautiful and magical pregnancy was. Now that I’m 9 weeks (with my first) I’m seeing how un-magical this is! I feel sick constantly without a break. I haven’t shit in days. My boobs feel so heavy they could rip off my chest. And on the rare occasion that I do feel good, I’m a mental wreck because I’m scared that my hormone levels are dropping prematurely. Pregnancy is NO joke. I’m thrilled to be having a baby, but I’m considering the possibility that this may be the last time I’m willing to go through this.

annaruns

Girl, PREACH!

mommy_times_2

I completely feel this thread. You are not alone.  I am 6 weeks and laid up on the couch feeling miserable while my mom entertains my 4 year old, wondering how I am ever going to make it another 1-2 more months feeling this horrible. So overwhelming. I know it will end and I will have a sweet baby to snuggle and love, but man that seems so far and this feels impossible at this moment. I keep telling myself, I can do difficult things.  Lots of prayers for strength is all I can do. Hang in there ladies❤️

knottiea1ebc5b4eb12fb7f

Thank you for being brave enough to start this thread and share your feelings. I really thought I was completely alone here and was so guilty that my thoughts were spiraling. I recently found out I’m pregnant and now I’m 6weeks+4days and the initial excitement I had is gone. I’m miserable with nausea, constipation, gas, bloating, fatigue and anxiety. Anxiety about losing my first pregnancy. Anxiety about never feeling better. Anxiety about everything around me falling apart because I’m so sick and tired all the time. I start a new semester at university soon, and I’m scared I’m going to fail my classes if this all keeps up. And yet, I have several health issues, so this pregnancy is a miracle. I want it more than anything and to be connected to my baby. But this first trimester is beating me down. I really hope we all come out the other side feeling better so we can experience the joys of being pregnant, and stop detaching. I love my baby already. But this is so so hard.