PGAL 12/8

thescarletmom

This thread is for those who are pregnant after a previous loss(es). TW for entire thread due to discussion of MC, TFMR, CP, etc. 

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Weeks/EDD?

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?

Any appointment updates?

Any big milestones?

Rants/Raves/Questions?

thescarletmom

Weeks/EDD? 13w1 / June 14

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Still find that baby feels more if than when. I feel the most disconnected from this pregnancy compared to the others, which makes me a bit sad. If I'm not feeling sick or actively thinking about it, I tend to completely forget I'm pregnant. The overt anxiety creeps in less and less, but those secondary anxiety symptoms are there. Physically, I'm so tired and the brain fog is heavy. I have less nausea which is nice, but not really less vomiting? So it's just less warning of when I'm going to puke haha. Also, my boobs are not having a good time. DS2 is still nursing once or twice a day, but he's only nursed on one side for over a year at this point. So one side hurts because it's engorged and full feeling with no relief, other side hurts because my nipples are sore when he nurses and I'm starting to have a very strong aversion to it. Will definitely be weaning soon

Any appointment updates? Appt today! Crossing my fingers that it's all good news and we'll get my anatomy scan scheduled today too.

Any big milestones? Officially 2nd tri! Feels pretty big.

Rants/Raves/Questions? Just ready to feel like this baby isn't a figment of my imagination. The part of the journey where the obvious anxious thoughts slip away and it morphs into almost apathy is hardest for me.

ReadyForaB

@thescarletmom I can so relate to it still feeling like an "if" rather than a "when".  Ughhhhh!

Weeks/EDD? June 10th / 13w5d

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?  Physically - terrible.  Like really terrible.  I have felt worse this week than I have since becoming pregnant.  Isn't it suppose to get easier as I go into the second tri?!  I have a headache almost every day, a cold, and I just feel run down, tired and foggy.  

Any appointment updates? OB on December 22nd and anatomy scan set for January 17th.

Any big milestones?  Second tri this weekend!  woo hooo!

Rants/Raves/Questions?  I have three, yes three, photo shoots scheduled around this pregnancy haha.  I scheduled a valentines day's session for me DH and DS to use as a social media announcement.  It is right after my anatomy scan so I love the timing. Then I have a mother's day set scheduled for my son and I which are going to double as my maternity photos in March (a little early but I am already huge and I loved the set a local photographer set up for it).  Then, I was not going to do newborn photos bc they are just SO EXPENSIVE in the area I am in but a girl I know just started her business and ran a crazy cyber Monday deal I cold not resist.  And her photos I have seen so far so amazing.  Am I insane?!

annemarie96

Weeks/EDD? June 20th, 12w 2d 

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?
Physically this has been a hard, hard season. I’m starting to get to the point where it’s just morning sickness though, instead of all day, every waking moment sickness. 🎉
I’m able to take care of my kids basic needs now and not rely on my work-from-home husband for everything. 😬 Poor guy has been amazing. I can clean a bit which has been so so nice!!
Emotionally I’m doing better than either of my other pregnancies! It has really surprised me, but it’s been the answer to a very desperate prayer. 

Any appointment updates?
I had my first in-person appt yesterday and I loooove my midwives. They are exactly what I need right now for this baby. I’m so thankful to be having what I always pictured in that way. 🙌🏻

Any big milestones?
Hearing the heartbeat yesterday was huge! We had seen it on the ultrasound, but hadn’t heard it yet. Definitely cried. There’s something about the sound of that little heart beating. 😭

Rants/Raves/Questions?
I think a rant and a rave is how polar opposite my family and midwives are. My family literally started all but assuming my baby would die as soon as I was pregnant. No one was happy they were so consumed with worry. As usual. 

My midwives wouldn’t even let me make comments about my body being broken, etc. They were so so so encouraging and positive. 

My family would have been like, yeah in this family all our bodies are broken. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Sorry kid. 

ariescdngirl

@thescarletmom can def relate to your comment re: if/when…sigh 

Weeks/EDD? 

11 wks, June 29 

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?

Feeling quite tired and nauseous. Also taking each day and week at a time, as each milestone given our recent loss. It’s hard to be super excited and happy given the emotional toll and angst about what could happen at any given time. 

Any appointment updates?

Waiting for NIPT results including gender. Dec 12 - NT testing and first OB apptmt on Dec 22 

Any big milestones?
The fact that I’m here at 11 wks which is 3 wks longer than my previous pregnancy. 

Rants/Raves/Questions?
Trying to hide my small bump at work has been hard and not drinking for any of the holiday events. Looking forward to holidays with family and friends where I don’t need to hide my bump and can be free to behave like a pregnant first time mom-to-be! Looking forward to second-tri and planning Babymoon in the New Year as well! 

thescarletmom

Update from appointment yesterday: I actually didn't see *my* midwife, because she was at a birth, but her backup midwife did my appointment. Turns out she was the student who was at all of my appointments with DS2! She was weeks away from taking her boards and becoming a CNM when he was born, and she was the one who actually "caught" him while my midwife hovered. It was so nice to see her and also see how far she's come in her own practice in the last 2.5 years 🩶 however, it did mean I didn't get the ultrasound I wanted, but that's okay. 

I asked and she confirmed that new research is very negative on Tylenol during pregnancy and she strongly discourages taking it. I mentioned I took it a handful of times when our family had a nasty cold at Thanksgiving, and she said once or twice isn't the end of the world and everything will be fine, just to avoid it going forward.

Got to listen to baby's heartbeat and I had a moment of being in utter shock when I first heard it. I didn't realize how much my mind had assumed this baby wasn't going to make it and had steeled itself for that reality. My brain literally went silent for a few seconds as I listened, I was so surprised. This pregnancy has been a wild ride as far as how quietly negative my mind has been.

ReadyForaB

@thescarletmom I am so glad you got to hear baby's heartbeat!  I know the feeling.  When I went in for my 7 week scan with this pregnancy and the tech turned the screen toward me I just started to cry.  So much of me assumed it would be bad news again. 

Also Re: Tylenol, yes, I have seen so much about it lately.  My doctor still says it is okay to take but I haven't no matter how terrible my headaches get.  For the life of me, I can not remember if I took it with DS. That being said, I am sure one or two times is fine.  There are people who take it constantly. 

annemarie96

@thescarletmom there’s nothing like hearing the heartbeat. It’s so...undeniable. You can’t explain it away or doubt it. Absolutely amazing every time. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

thescarletmom

@ReadyForaB @annemarie96 ugh, it's so much emotion to hear the little thumping of their heart. Strong and steady 🩶 this pregnancy has been easier, and in other ways so much harder, mentally than my others. I can't wait for this baby to just be in my arms.

@ReadyForaB right, my midwife mentioned she had a patient (FTM, bless her) who was taking it for every little thing and that she was way more concerned about that than the occasional here and there. She didn't try to make me feel bad or guilty at all, but of course I can't help but feel like I should have just toughed it out. 

annemarie96

@thescarletmom that’s nice that they didn’t guilt you about it. That was the one thing I didn’t love about my midwife so far. I’ve had some horrible headaches and had to take Tylenol about once a week, maybe slightly more often. Sometimes one dose, sometimes just one tablet. She reeeeeallly tried to encourage me to use these acupressure things and stuff like that and never take Tylenol once, but acupressure didn’t work for the nausea so I’m very skeptical it’s something I’d get relief from. 

I really did feel a bit judged though! 

And what I saw seemed only problematic when it’s taken a lot for a prolonged time period, right?? 

I wasn’t worried about it before! 😭

thescarletmom

@annemarie96 that's so tough! I've had my current headache since yesterday around noon and it was so bad, nothing I tried helped, not even sleep. In fact, it hurt so much I was waking up every half hour and finally at 2 am I broke down and took one Tylenol (not even two) and felt terrible about it but also *knew* I was out of options. I made sure I'd had something to eat, I drank plenty of water, I even tried a soda for the caffeine, obviously tried sleeping. None of it worked, and between Tylenol and other pain relievers, one is definitely the lesser evil. I think sometimes in trying to make sure they get the seriousness of their point across, providers miss that their patient is telling them they are driven to this option by having a lack of others, and that their focus should be *there* and not on making them feel bad for arriving at that point. I hope in the future your midwife tries to help you find workable solutions if they exist, instead of guilt tripping you 🩶 and my midwife said she recommends not taking it at all, but that every once in a while is not going to hurt anybody. So I think as long as you're as sparing as you can be, you're going to be just fine. 

annemarie96

@thescarletmom those are the exact situations when I have taken it too. Only when I’m not able to sleep, it’s making nausea worse, etc. 
She did try to give me other options, but acupressure hasn’t worked for me and her other thing was like WATER!!! Which is very fair, just sometimes I’ve been puking it all up. It really does feel like a “between a rock and a hard place” situation sometimes.

kalesix3

The Tylenol thing is a mess, I didn't take much if any during my son's pregnancy and I've managed not to take any this pregnancy so far but I have zero qualms giving him children's Tylenol and he's had it since pretty early on because of how much mouth work he had done and his tongue tied being lasered twice. Plus he's a hard teether so there have been times he needs Tylenol to sleep for days at a time and of course google doesn't tell me anything about children's Tylenol dosage causing autism, just maternal use which I honestly think is so typical. If men had children we would have found a safe effect pain relief solution decades ago. But as far as I can tell the reason why everyone is suddenly against it is the study that came out in May last year and the lawsuit that started in November against Tylenol the brand. 
But especially with treating covid everyone says take Tylenol, avoid Motrin and ibuprofen, so definitely a rock and a hard place situation. 

kalesix3

Weeks/EDD?
June 4th, 15 weeks tomorrow. 

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?
Emotionally I felt like I was hitting my stride a little, especially being so sick still giving me some reassurance, but then a buddy of mine in my TTC group who got pregnant the same day I did, went in for her 12 week scan and they found out both babies had died and since then I just feel like my anxiety has gotten a lot worse with spiraling constantly. Plus even though it's been 5 weeks since I started feeling tiny flutters, they don't feel much stronger 😩 I know it's probably fine and normal but this baby just doesn't seem to be as active as my son was and that's really hard to deal with now. I keep reminding myself 15 weeks is still insanely early but also the baby is the size of a glazed doughnut.. how am I not feeling stronger kicks from something in my body that's that big. 😩

Any appointment updates? I thought I had an appointment on Monday but I looked at my calendar and I marked it on two separate days so on Monday I guess I'll call them and confirm. 

Any big milestones? Not really but I'll feel better after the anatomy scan. 

Rants/Raves/Questions?

annemarie96

@kalesix3 that’s hard! I think right at the beginning of my pregnancy I kept expecting a loss because my sister had one when I was about 5 weeks. 

And I’m sure the kicks are normal! You felt baby so early and I feel like it stays like flutters for a long time, since most people don’t feel them for a while still. 

If you think about it baby is all head and belly right now. Focusing on organs. The limbs are probably pretty small and thin still, yeah? I bet once they get more muscle on them is when most people start feeling baby. Idk. Just trying to picture baby and I feel like it makes sense. 

Even at 27 weeks when my son was born, he weighed just over two pounds and was a decent size, but his limbs were TINY!! He’d kick but it was so feeble compared to his overall size. 

thescarletmom

@kalesix3 one of my due date twins on this board announced a few weeks ago that she went in for an appointment and baby had stopped growing. That was hard enough on me and she hadn't been very active here - even a little proximity makes those losses so much harder. I definitely felt like my anxiety got worse after that. And agree with @annemarie96 that baby's kickers are still small even as they get big! But DS2 was a way less active baby than DS1 and that was a nightmare for me - so I totally understand how unsettling that feels.

And as for the Tylenol it's so hard just because doing ethical studies on pregnant women with medications is just practically impossible. I know I personally would never sign up to be part of clinical trial for something like that, and I'm sure most people wouldn't either. I also know over the last few years/decade, there's been some studies that aren't super favorable on Tylenol generally, I can't remember exactly what they say the issues are. But no matter what they might be, my family can't switch to ibuprofen or naproxen for pain management. My husband was born with only one kidney, and Tylenol is the only pain reliever processed in the liver and not kidneys, so he can't take anything else to protect his kidney function. Ugh. It's a lot to mentally juggle how medicine evolves over time and what's okay and what's not.

kalesix3

@annemarie96 yes as soon as I hear someone had a loss it's like my brain goes into preparation mode because it will happen to me too for sure. 
I think right now for me the baby has all it's organs and major systems are working and it's just growing larger at this point, it's legs are more proportional as of this week but I'm trying to keep reminding myself that it's still pretty tiny and there's a lot of uterus to float around in too. That's a good reminder about the flutters, I just need to be patient and try to stress less, as long as I feel something, anything each day I'm still pretty lucky at this stage. I feel the the fruit and vegetables comparison is hard because I know how big and hefty a navel orange is but we're talking teeny tiny bones and baby probably wouldn't take up much of my hand right now. Sigh. I know it's normal I just keep spiraling about it. What's intuition and what's just constant paranoid you know 🤦🏻‍♀️

@thescarletmom it's so much harder on you when it's a due date twin too because your brain just immediately knows it can be you and it might be you and it probably will be you and before you know it you're just spiralling all over the place with anxiety, or at least that's how it feels for me with due date twins. 💔
I'm trying to keep reminding myself that I actually have no way of knowing how active this baby will end up being because it's so early so just chill for awhile about it and reassess later but if this one is anything like my daughter I'm going to have a nightmare of it. 😩 
I don't actually think Tylenol is dangerous for pregnant women, the studies that say it's unsafe all talk about the autism and hyperactivity connection and they know that from doing a study on cord blood, which is much more ethical. But if it's got other effects from crossing the placenta I can't find much information on it that's not just rumors fueled by the anti medical conspiracy theorists sadly. I know the crunchy community just hates Tylenol because they think fevers should burn as hot as they want and mother nature will cure your child, completely forgetting that before we had fever management mother nature killed children with fevers all the time 🤦🏻‍♀️ 
I did find the numbers on the heightened risk of causing autism from taking Tylenol and it's still only like %2.65 I think, and nobody can really specify what an "extended period of time" taking Tylenol even means. So I'll take extra caution but I don't think it's a death sentence if you need it. 

annemarie96

@kalesix3 I have been there, with the whole “is this intuition or paranoia?”.
It’s frustrating how similar it really does feel. ❤️❤️ 

kalesix3

@annemarie96 ugh yes it's so hard and the more I overthink about it the more uncertain I get. What a mess, this pregnancy thing makes me so happy and so miserable at the same time lol