Ugh. I was feeling so good today. And then I went out to do our business delivery and pick up a special whiskey from a local distillery for DH and I think the smell of the distillery set off my nausea. I'm so glad I picked fast food for dinner tonight so I don't have to cook.
Next up: the depression I was hoping to keep at bay is peeking in at me. Pragmatically, I know it's triggered by hormones, and I know it has a name (antepartum depression) and it doesn't last forever and it'll pass. I know my daughter is worth every tear I ever cried through this during my pregnancy with her and I can't imagine my life without her, so I know the other side of it is a good place. I know to give myself grace. But man...sometimes those truths are hard to remember. So I'm typing this here as a reminder to myself, and to anyone else who might have those hard thoughts, because maybe it isn't just me -- it's ok to grieve the life you built and loved that a pregnancy will irrevocably change. That change may ultimately be good, but it doesn't mean it won't be hard. Pregnancy can be tough, and the newborn months are no joke, and it's ok to not *want* to do it again -- it doesn't mean you won't love the baby, it's just recognizing that love sometimes means doing hard things. It is not a reflection of your ability to be a good mom that there may be moments you wish the whole thing was just a dream you can wake up from, because someday when a friend or your own daughter is facing this same thing you can hug them and say "I know what that feels like" and genuinely mean it.
Sorry to be such a downer. I've been busy and distracted the last week between finding an OB and prepping for our trip (and then being on it) and now, being alone in the quiet (my daughter is at my folks' today), I'm finally beginning to process this pregnancy -- and coupling that with a big hormone swing is a pretty explosive combination.
@ki1244 thank you for sharing. I struggle with depression a lot. I changed medication recently and I’m finally coming out of a 2.5 year depression. I am worried about post partum and the first year but your words are encouraging to read.
@ki1244 I needed this reminder today. I had terrible PPD that hit ten days after birth like a ton of bricks. I don’t even know if I ever got fully out of it, but Zoloft helped me function again. I keep telling myself that in 5, 10, 20 years I’ll be grateful for going through the hardship of mothering a toddler and a baby at the same time. It helps sometimes, but not when my 19mo is playing with a tape measure and slams it on my head which happened tonight. The transition to two feels like one of those “I don’t even know how to comprehend how hard it’ll be” things but still I am grateful. And you’re right about being able to be a supportive friend and mother to others because of your experience. And I’m with you in just beginning to process this pregnancy. Thanks for sharing 🙏
@ki1244 no you are bringing up some amazing awesome honest feelings. I had PPD bad, but because it really hit at the start of the pandemic, I didn't seek any sort of help until I was drowning 6m postpartum. These hormonal depressions are no fucking joke. DD was such a colicky baby, and sometimes I think "are we making a mistake, can we handle that again". And this is such a wanted baby. We contain multitudes and that includes wildly different feelings about the same life event.
@ceclarlinetlo@tumbleweed-1@ccmrc143@stashattack thanks gals. I'm sad that we've experienced the personal hell of depression, but I just hang onto something my friend's mom (and counselor) told me last time around -- "you don't see it now, because you can't while you're in it, but this part of your story is what you'll be able to use to bless someone else. God allows the hurt sometimes, but trust that he can redeem it and use it for glory." She wasn't wrong. I talked to so, so many new moms over the last three years (I started a moms ministry at my church in my old town because we just didn't really have much of one but man, is it so necessary) and I'm by no means a finished product, but I could honestly tell them "this part sucks. It's ok to say it. And it does get better, but in the meantime, please let me stock your fridge with some one-handed snacks and fold your laundry while you take a nap, because I've been there and this isn't shameful, it's just this season and it will pass." And then when it did pass, we talked more about the fun part coming up, and what we could do to bless the next round of new moms getting into the weeds. And I don't know that I could have had the same empathy without having experienced it myself (and having that one friend who pressed in when I was trying to shut everyone out, who came over uninvited with a lasagna and a laundry basket and wouldn't leave until I let her fold whatever was in the dryer).
That being said...I honestly didn't really expect to be here again. I'm 38. I said after my daughter was born I had no desire to do this again, and I would move heaven and earth for her but God those first few months were hellish. I started Zoloft then and have been on it ever since. If we were going to grow our family, we wanted to adopt -- which of course is its own journey with its own challenges, but was something we wanted to do. But then covid changed everything, including, of all things, the landscape of adoption, and that became a much steeper hill to climb. So we tossed around the idea of having one more but I didn't really think it was going to happen, and yet here I am, not really sure what the heck just happened (despite knowing exactly how babies are made) but reminding myself I don't need to feel guilty for feeling like this was a mistake. Feelings are just that. But it just feels like the old stories about the guy who got stuck in a crevice while rock climbing and had to cut off his limb to get out -- obviously in the long run it's far better to survive and live a full life and be an inspiration or whatever, but you also know it's going to hurt like hell. And convincing yourself of the truth when the hormones are screaming something different is...hard.
Morning sickness is beginning to become unrelenting. It was just in the morning and a little at night but by 9am I have been fine, not so today! I don’t know how I’m going to hide it during all the christmases coming up!
I haven’t really been feeling like I have experienced MS until yesterday. For a few days the smell of ketchup has been absolutely disgusting. Last night I ran up to the store for last minute Christmas gifts and stocking stuffers for my kids. The smells were killing me. At the checkout line there is a Papa Johns and the smell nearly took me to the floor. I had to cover my nose with my wallet to block out the smell.
I’m also getting super emotional. I’m crying multiple times a day right now. For stupid reasons. Or I start thinking about heavy, deep things and before I know it I’m ugly crying.
Ugh MIL wanted to talk about Christmas plans including food. And of course it started setting off my food aversion. I can't wait to be able to tell her next week
Just fell asleep singing Away in a Manger to my daughter before her nap. Like in the middle of a verse. I also know I need vegetables but ugh the thought of that is horrid. Fruit I can handle, but I practically gag at the idea of anything green. So... apparently this pregnancy I have become a giant toddler.
The last two days I haven’t had any symptoms other than occasional boob pain. I’m much more energetic than I was. Tomorrow I’ll be 6 weeks so honestly I’m hoping some symptoms ramp up to convince me everything is going ok.
Guess I asked for it after my “no symptoms” comment last night. Today i have felt so nauseous and there’s a horrible taste in my mouth to the point where water tastes terrible. I am starving despite feeling awful. And my emotions are all over the place. And i’m 6w today, like clockwork. Grateful!!
I definitely was not prepared for how early symptoms would start. Today has been better, but I’ve been getting hit with waves of nausea, cramping, and headaches. All have been pretty manageable so far though.
New one for me: I can't relax my abs. Like, at all, all day. It has just felt like I'm doing a plank, except I'm standing up and walking around, or sitting, or anything but an actual plank. It's the weirdest thing.
I'm so emotional and over stimulated today. It's the first day off of work and I feel like I already Need a vacation from my vacation. I'm just very burned out.
@stashattack I get overstimulated almost every day. I usually put a movie on for the kids and then go take a hot bath to relax and calm my brain. Although by the end my toddler is usually posted at the tub playing with toys in the water. It’s cute and I allow it. It could also be all 5 posted by the tub instead of just him so I take it as a win.
I thought my exhaustion in week 5 was a lot, but the start of week 8 has been like getting hit by a bus. I’m trying to embrace the cat nap when I can. I’ve also started to have a pretty consistent headache the last few days along with more nausea. Thankfully I’m not actively throwing up, but the food aversion means even if I did there isn’t a lot that would be in there. I work 12 hour night shifts as a nurse, and I feel like my body is really pissed at that this week…hopefully if I can get through the first trimester it’ll start to get easier…
I've had a stuffed nose for past week and a bit, pretty sure I have pregnancy rhinitis. It's so annoying because I sound terrible and I constantly blow my nose to clear it. I lay down on the couch and fell asleep almost instantly last night. It was glorious. until my husband came in and was like "were you sleeping already??"
Can’t say I have much to complain about. I keep waiting on it though based on how my last two pregnancies were. I’m more anxious I’ve noticed and on and off uneasy feeling. The most annoying is bloat and peeing all the time. Let the fun begin!
Anyone else get crazy dreams? I had them last time and it started again last night. With my first I predicted he was a boy after multiple dreams about him.
@colsen4 had my first crazy, vivid dream last night...and it was a little spicy, and not about my husband (and even more awkwardly, it was about someone I went to elementary school with but haven't seen in years but who he knows from coaching, independently from me...so sort of a mutual friend). Whoopsie! Super disorienting when I woke up next to my husband snoring away. 😳
This is my first pregnancy (5w 5d). I’ve thought I’ve been suffering from severe allergies this winter but have just discovered pregnancy rhinitis. Excessive sneezing, so much drainage (and of course having to stay away from all decongestants). I’ve had a couple days with bad nausea (made worse with this drainage) as well as cramping.
I see my doctor for the first time in January and hope there is more I can do for this rhinitis. Currently just taking regular Allegra.
I’m 5w4d pregnant with my third and struggling with fatigue, nausea, sore breasts, intense abdominal bloating (I look 3-4 months pregnant right now), and wild hormones. I have cried more in the last two weeks than I’ve cried in my 9.5 year marriage. Can anyone weigh in on difference between single vs twin pregnancies? I’m still two and half weeks from my first appt but twins run in my family and I’m feeling SOO much more of everything this time around.
@BeccaJeans1991 I get the extreme tummy bloat too that is hard to hide. This is also my third. I also have been crying this time around which is totally abnormal for me but like people say every pregnancy is different. This one is totally different from my last two so far, as I have not had the extreme nausea and sometimes I forget I’m pregnant. I don’t have twins so maybe someone else can chime in there.
@novelblessings so maybe I can chalk it up to round 3 and my body is just going to go for all the pregnancy symptoms! 🤞🏻 my husband isn’t super thrilled that I’m even pregnant again…pretty sure having twins won’t help the situation. 😅
@beccajeans1991 🤞🏼 maybe…🤷🏻♀️ my husband is also not thrilled as this was a bit a surprise to us both. It’s growing on us.
Anyone else waking up at weird times? I woke up at 5am again today. Was nauseous for a good hours before being able to go back to sleep. Tried to eat and that did not help. ☹️
@novelblessings I'm waking up because of my toddler but had major trouble getting back to sleep last night at 1am. Between back pain and nausea.
It's bad today. I roasted our first duck last night. It was delicious, but the smell of duck fat is permeating our house and that is making me so nauseous right now. And I can't do dishes yet because our dishwasher is broken and we are recaulking our kitchen sink. BLECH
First “we don’t have anything to eat” meltdown is in the books. I’m so exhausted. I cry so often. I’m so bloated. So constipated. And the worst part about it is my mood is terrible and I find myself snapping really quickly when my toddler is having a tough time. My husband is great about giving me space and time to rest but we need to figure out how to control my moods.
This morning around five I almost puked for the first time in both my pregnancies. It didn’t happen but I feel like it will over the next couple of days.
@stashattack the smells are the worst. We made roasted turkey breast last week and I couldn’t eat it because it smelled too bad. When we did ham over the weekend it smelled weird but I was still able to eat it just fine.
I keep getting into my head today. I miscarried this summer and have now made it to 7 weeks + 1 day. My husband tested positive for COVID this morning and today I have felt the least amount of pregnancy symptoms. Earlier today I was peeing constantly but no nausea and no cramping. Very anxious always
Re: December Symptoms
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
Sorry to be such a downer. I've been busy and distracted the last week between finding an OB and prepping for our trip (and then being on it) and now, being alone in the quiet (my daughter is at my folks' today), I'm finally beginning to process this pregnancy -- and coupling that with a big hormone swing is a pretty explosive combination.
BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
———
Diagnoses and Treatments
PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
———
BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
That being said...I honestly didn't really expect to be here again. I'm 38. I said after my daughter was born I had no desire to do this again, and I would move heaven and earth for her but God those first few months were hellish. I started Zoloft then and have been on it ever since. If we were going to grow our family, we wanted to adopt -- which of course is its own journey with its own challenges, but was something we wanted to do. But then covid changed everything, including, of all things, the landscape of adoption, and that became a much steeper hill to climb. So we tossed around the idea of having one more but I didn't really think it was going to happen, and yet here I am, not really sure what the heck just happened (despite knowing exactly how babies are made) but reminding myself I don't need to feel guilty for feeling like this was a mistake. Feelings are just that. But it just feels like the old stories about the guy who got stuck in a crevice while rock climbing and had to cut off his limb to get out -- obviously in the long run it's far better to survive and live a full life and be an inspiration or whatever, but you also know it's going to hurt like hell. And convincing yourself of the truth when the hormones are screaming something different is...hard.
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
———
Diagnoses and Treatments
PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
———
BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏
I lay down on the couch and fell asleep almost instantly last night. It was glorious. until my husband came in and was like "were you sleeping already??"
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
waiting on it though based on how my last two pregnancies were. I’m more anxious I’ve noticed and on and off uneasy feeling. The most annoying is bloat and peeing all the time. Let the fun begin!
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
———
Diagnoses and Treatments
PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
———
BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏
Sore boobs, tired, and mild cramping.
Also peeing alllll the time but that could be from the gallons of water lol
It's bad today. I roasted our first duck last night. It was delicious, but the smell of duck fat is permeating our house and that is making me so nauseous right now. And I can't do dishes yet because our dishwasher is broken and we are recaulking our kitchen sink. BLECH
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23