Dealing with Unhappy In-Law During Pregnancy.

knottiec95df39c26b98337

Hi guys!

Bear with me, this might be a little long! So I struggled with this one and it was so hard to not feel kinda bad about it so I would like to have any advice on how to proceed! I posted this in another forum but need any and all advice!

I’m currently pregnant with my first child, a little over 9 weeks. My husband and I decided to start telling family so we have been. I have been hesitant to tell one of his brothers because his wife has been nothing but competitive with me. Started with my in laws liked me more than her (according to her), talking crap about the townhouse my husband and I bought when we were dating even tho she and her partner lived in an apartment, then telling her now husband to tell my husband not to propose until they are engaged. Which my husband didn’t hear about until after we got engaged and my SIL was mad and gave her husband an ultimatum and said he had to propose a few weeks after we got engaged which he did. She tried causing issues at my wedding because everyone got emotional at our wedding and she didn’t like it she was laughing and tried causing issues with my vendors. Which is whatever I’m not gonna be childish.

It’s always something. We decided to build a house and now she wants to too and always asked if we can even afford it and it’s expensive how can we if they can’t? Her and her husband are becoming psychologists and have a few more years to go and a lot of debt yet she keeps on this competition with us and is so passive aggressive so it comes across as she’s innocent. She doesn’t want us to succeed at all unless she has it first and has tried to pick apart my relationship with my husband. Says things like she’s going to have a bigger house, more kids, or comments about my relationship. All of this is whatever I can ignore it which I have but what got me was the constant question about when we are gonna have babies every single time we see them. Every single time. Then they said we should wait two years because they might wait two years too. Which I’m not sure why it matters. We always brush it off but it was so frustrating to deal with especially since I was quietly dealing with a previous loss and they tell me to wait for their benefit. She’s a few years younger than me, I’m 28 so her asking me to wait is so inappropriate and none of her business. My husbands family isn’t a fan of her because she’s acted entitled with others and says inappropriate things and says it’s because she’s going to be a psychologist. For reference she told my sister in law (husbands sister) her 1 year old is autistic in a cold way and said she knows because she’s studying to become a psychologist (she’s not one yet) BIL (her husband) never says anything and the rest of the family keeps quite to keep the peace.

Anyway well now we are pregnant! We decided to try when we were ready and after a loss and a few months of trying we are so happy with our bundle of joy! I get along with my husbands sister (he has a big family) and she guessed we were pregnant so we told her and we told my husbands parents as well a few weeks ago. My MIL even tho she knew about the issues said we should tell my problematic BIL and SIL so they don’t feel left out. Not right since it’s my pregnancy. I live closer to my husbands family and my family lives in another state. So yesterday my husband goes to thanksgiving with his family since I’m currently visiting my family and he told me how his mom mentioned again we should tell everyone in the family so no one is left out.

Today I caved and said fine so we sent a cute text about our baby coming soon and all his siblings and partners responded BUT my problematic SIL. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt but I’m so disappointed she didn’t even say congrats and it’s been hours already. I knew she was going to have an issue about it and I just don’t want any negativity with my pregnancy because I would never do the same to her she has no issues crossing others boundaries but if anyone does something remotely small to her she tells her husband and he goes and complains to his mom (he’s 33 years old so it’s all mind blowing to me). I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice for me on how to not let this affect me or how to navigate this? Any similar issues? I needed to rant but also see if there’s a way I can not let her nasty behavior bother me so I can happily enjoy this moment!

Thanks in advance! Sending love to all those expecting!!

annemarie96

This is not the place for this. The Birth Month forums are not for random questions. 

This sounds like a ton of drama and the less you care about this idiot woman and choose every single day to not give a — what she says to you or about you the better. She sounds like a child and you’re entering into it at least a little by even paying so much attention to it. 

Anytime she tries to give an opinion just say you don’t discuss those kinds of decisions with anyone except your partner. 

This is all BS. I’m annoyed this question is even here, which it shouldn’t be. Good grief time for bed. I’m getting riled. 😅

francesgs

This sounds like a great post for Reddit. 

madiirosee

Yeeeesh. When I was on the bump almost 2 years ago, the community was much nicer lol. 

Anyway, although I think this post could’ve been done in one of the weekly Randoms thread, I don’t think it’s a bad thing for you to ask advice! This is a COMMUNITY. It does sound like you’re dealing with a pretty consistent issue. I would definitely stop wasting your energy with any of these family members if they’re causing you this much mental grief. Especially while you’re pregnant! I know it’s probably easier said than done of course, but try your best to focus your energy on baby and preparing. Anything else is just noise. Xo 

annemarie96

I will admit, I was maybe more annoyed than I needed to be with my response. 🥴 Sorry. 

But this is not how the community works at all, and there have been so many random questions like this. It does seem rude to me when it’s abundantly clear how this forum works. There are rules because without them it becomes chaos! 

Literally any other channels, forums, whatever you call them, would be fine. 

Those are all for the random questions. And there are tons of them on the bump. The monthly communities are separate and have order to them. 

It just seems very rude to me, no matter how sweetly the person words it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

This person, to my knowledge, hasn’t been a part of the community at all. We don’t know her. See how it’s not the dang place? 😂

ttcletsdoit

We’re living same lives! I’m now 5 years post baby with a 5 year old. My sil has a 4 year old 😂 she will continue to compete just like mine! She stood up at my wedding and made a speech about how I’m not that great but she is so, I feel like these two sil are the same 😂

Good luck it’s so rough and annoying. It will steal some joy. But, know it’s issues and insecurities she has with herself not issues with you. She feels like her apartment isn’t enough, she feels like her parents don’t like her. She feels like she had to be better to be loved. I now feel sorry for mine and it’s helped me ignore her little jabs. Whatever she vocalizes is what she’s fearing. I have mentioned from time to time that we are so different we can’t compare. She’s not as bad anymore but, now that we are ttc again, that might change

kalesix3

@annemarie96 is absolutely correct. We're not creating a free therapy and medical advice forum here, we're building a community where we all participate and follow the rules and guidelines put in place because that's what an actual community is, we're not a nonprofit crisis center for every random person's issues. Random posts and drive by questions literally go against all of our rules and nobody is entitled to our time when they've contributed nothing. Facebook and peanut are the apps for drive by questions. Not here. This BMB is one of the nicest and chilliest, none of us are being mean, were asking members to follow rules and read the board organization that we went through the trouble to write/follow. 

knottie102c09609c25be7c

Wow the women on here are harsh. It's kind of pathetic. If you don't like the post move along and click on another, why degrade someone's entire post because it isn't "part of the community"?? It's literally an online media app. How well do you know any of these people?? The negative ones sound like they would bond with the rude sister in law.

Regardless. At some point you don't have to deal with your sister in law. Not all family members get along. That's fine. It may be irritating but if you know she's going to be rude then don't include them. Stop encouraging bad behavior and caring what she thinks.