PGAL Check-in 11/10-11/17

annemarie96

We missed it yesterday, but I figured we could start a more recent thread! 

This thread is for those who are pregnant after a previous loss(es). TW for entire thread due to discussion of MC, TFMR, CP, etc. 

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Weeks/EDD?

Previous loss(es) (share as much or as little as you like)?

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?

Any appointment updates?

Any big milestones?

Rants/Raves/Questions?

annemarie96

Weeks/EDD? I’m 8 weeks 3 days

Previous loss(es) (share as much or as little as you like)? Early miscarriages, as well as a baby born at 27 weeks who had a rough start. 

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?
I’m surprised how well I feel mentally and emotionally! There’s some anxiety there for sure, and I feel nervous about the first appt next week, but I’m so excited as well!
Physically I’m struggling along with the nausea. On bad days I can barely sit up straight or walk without almost passing out, but on good days I’m eating an okay amount and keeping it down, and able to move some. 

Any appointment updates?
I have the first ultrasound/appt on Monday. Time is crawling 😅

Any big milestones?
I have only had one loss after 8 weeks, so this baby’s outlived a few brothers and sisters already! 

Rants/Raves/Questions?
I guess a rave is that my midwife said she believes the preterm birth was due to insane stress from trying to escape China to come back home during covid. 😂 Kinda makes sense. 

She doesn’t believe that I’m high risk to have another premature birth. 

Also have never had prenatal care due to living in the mountains of China, so I think all around I do feel hopeful about this baby’s odds! At the same time I’m kinda shocked to be this far along. This ones actually sticking. 😊

ReadyForaB

@annemarie96 yay for sticky babies!

Weeks/EDD? 10 weeks tomorrow. EDD June 10th

Previous loss(es) (share as much or as little as you like)? two misses miscarriages one at 6w1d and the other at 6w3d.

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?
I am starting to stress a bit.  I had a great ultrasound in my 7th week showing a baby measuring a few days ahead.  I found a heartbeat on my doppler last Friday.  I haven't been able to find it since.  I know it's still early but I am soooooo stressed out about it.   My OBs office told me on Tuesday they would try to get me in for a scan just to make sure everything was okay and ease my mind but they never called. I don't know if its worth calling because I will just feel the same anxiety shortly after.  

Any appointment updates?
I have an appointment on the 22nd.  I will ask my OB to scan me then for peace of mind.  

Any big milestones?
Just seeing a healthy baby over 7 weeks was huge. 

Rants/Raves/Questions?
Rant - woke up at 5:30 a.m. this morning to go for my pregnancy bloodwork before work.  Waited an hour and a half and finally got to registration and was told several of the tests might not be covered and I needed to sign a form saying there may be well over $1,000.00 of out of pocket costs.  Of course, I didn't.  I left after all of that and was still a half hour late for work.  I called my insurance with the codes to check and they told me they were all routine and they don't know why they told me that.  I am disgusted.  Now, do I ruin my Saturday waking up super early before DS's swim class to go back or get up at 5:30 a,m. on Monday again.  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

annemarie96

@ReadyForaB wow, that’s so weird! I’m so sorry they wasted your time like that. 

And I’m sorry your feeling so anxious! I think we all get it here. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s wild how I’ve had other pregnancies where I can barely function I am so consumed with anxiety, and this time I’m fine. Maybe I’m distracted by the nausea? But I am so thankful. I know how consuming it can be! ❤️❤️

thescarletmom

@annemarie96 yaaay, so happy to hear you don't have to keep that worry in the front of your mind!

@ReadyForaB what is with all these offices being so lame?? I would be furious! I hated working in PI because I heard so many stories about insurance and doctors offices, refusing to bill things properly, denying necessary care or saying it wouldnt be covered, yadayada...  all a nightmare. 

Weeks/EDD? 9w2

Previous loss(es) (share as much or as little as you like)? MCs @ 12wk, 8wk, 6wk, 6wk, 5wk

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? like @annemarie96... shockingly well emotionally? I have my bouts of being supremely freaked out for a bit, but generally day to day I've found that since the beginning, I had a gut feeling this baby wasn't going anywhere and that sense gets incrementally stronger every week. Week 9 has kicked my ass nausea-wise though. The last three days I have been ✨️suffering✨️ Throwing up more than once a day again was not a welcome change. Before, my good days meant I could eat small meals/snacks all day long to help with my energy and keep nausea down. Bad days were no energy, lightheaded, can't keep a smoothie down kind of days. Literally lay in bed most of the day because I couldnt sit up without feeling drained. I would give just about anything to have even a mediocre day right about now.

Any appointment updates? Next appt is Dec 1st, so just chugging along for now! Exciting to hear baby's heartbeat then. Considering buying a doppler for home and bringing it so my midwife can show me how to use it. Not sure if it will give me peace of mind or just make me neurotic.

Any big milestones? This little babe has made it longer than 80% of my losses! I know there's no such thing as a safe zone, but I'm happy to allow that to be a comfort to me for now.

Rants/Raves/Questions? our Hanna Christmas jammies arrive in the mail tomorrow and I'm so excited! I want to take a picture with our jams and the matching baby one I got for next year to announce to my sister! She lives out of town and I didn't want to just call or text and be like "guess what I have more kids than you now" haha.

annemarie96

I’m 9 1/2 weeks now and that was my latest miscarriage that I’ve had before. I’m about to pass this milestone and while it doesn’t mean that much for some reason it does feel like such a big deal to me! Almost like I can actually refer to this as baby #3 now because it’ll be my 3rd to make it this far. Up until this point it’s not really been #3 to me. 

ReadyForaB

@annemarie96 I can relate.  My last two pregnancies ended in MMCs at 6 weeks.  I demanded that my dating ultrasound be after 7 weeks this time around (they tried to do it at 5).  I have another one this afternoon and I am currently 11.  If all is well, I will start to feel this is real (I think).  

thescarletmom

@ReadyForaB @annemarie96 I feel the same. My latest miscarriage was at 12 weeks, but the second latest was at 8, with everything else being 6 and earlier. My 12w appt is Dec 1st and if we see a bopping baby jelly bean in there I'll probably sob. The growing belly bump has been helping me come to terms and accept that this pregnancy is real the last week or two, but I know seeing baby make it to the 2nd tri will help shift my mentality from "if the baby comes next summer..." to "when".

ReadyForaB

@thescarletmom nicely said.  My mind has definitely not shifted from if to when yet.  We are telling our kiddo and family on Thanksgiving (almost 12 weeks) and honestly, I am still a little nervous. 

annemarie96

@thescarletmom yes! I feel like I won’t be counting on anything fully until baby is here, but right now we’re saying “if” waaayyy to much. It’s already shifting a little bit and we’re feeling more confident. 

I wanted to buy a used bassinet when I was about 6 weeks and my husband was like 😬 honestly let’s not, who knows what’s going to happen. I was so upset. 🤣 It was $40! 

Hard to find a balance!

And I’m also getting a tiny “real” bump now, and can feel my actual uterus and everything and it’s really helping me believe it!

thescarletmom

One of the big perks I think of being PGAL and NOT a first time mom, is that I can pick out those little feelings and sensations that are definitely due to baby/pregnancy. While I can't say I love feeling a weirdly sharp pain in my pelvis/abdomen when I sneeze, knowing it's RLP makes me smile just a little. A strange comfort to find, but I'll take it!

I've definitely noticed that I have some mental block and am still on an unconscious "buying freeze" for baby items. I was always quick to pick up little things for baby here and there with my first, especially by the time I was 11 weeks. This time I haven't bought so much as a pair of socks. It's very unlike me and I know it's because of fear. Some BF deals this week might get me to cave on some essentials. Overall I find myself *thinking* about baby items often but being incapable of pulling the trigger.

knottie1c60dbe5382defb1

Weeks/EDD?
10 weeks, 3 days

Previous loss(es) (share as much or as little as you like)?
MMC in April 2022. We went for our first ultrasound at 9+1 and the baby was measuring at 8+1. No heartbeat could be found.

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?
Scared! So scared. My husband and I keep using the word "if", like "if this baby makes it". We have a second ultrasound 11/28, and plan on telling family once we know everything is okay. I honestly feel like we'll never be okay and I'm going to constantly worry until I have the baby in my arms.

Any appointment updates?
Our OB has been amazing throughout this pregnancy. She's even ordered additional ultrasounds to ease my anxiety. After our appt 11/28, we go 12/1 to have a blood test done to find out the gender.

Any big milestones?
Last pregnancy I stopped feeling sick right around when the baby would have stopped growing. This pregnancy, I'm still very sick! I can also feel my bump growing and know every hot flash or wave of nausea, that my body is doing what it's supposed to do.

Rants/Raves/Questions?
People that haven't had miscarriages don't understand the near constant anxiety that those of us who've experienced one have. I'm not looking for sympathy at all, but maybe a little bit of empathy about my worries and fears being valid?

thescarletmom

This is definitely meant to empathize and not to frighten you, Knottie, but I absolutely was anxious until the moment each of my children were safe in my arms (this is my 8th pregnancy after 5 MCs and 2 births). It's a tough road to walk, but we do have each other in this to support us! It's normal to be scared, but try to take comfort in all those little symptoms! Easier said than done, I know, I've had to sort of take my thoughts by the hand and gently walk them back to safety more than once this pregnancy. But today you are pregnant! Today we are pregnant. We'll all be rooting for you for a good ultrasound next week! 

annemarie96

It’s so valid! Losing your child that you already began to love was your reality once before, so of course it chances things for future pregnancies. It’s hard. 

I will say that every pregnancy is different, every day is different. A week from now the anxiety could be way less. Or you could really be filled with fear this pregnancy and then not at all in a future pregnancy. There’s no telling. 

I’ve had crippling anxiety before about it and this time around it only comes for a moment and it’s gone. I’m so thankful to not be consumed with it. It’s really really difficult when that happens. 

We get it though. That’s what this thread is for. ❤️❤️