May 2023 Moms

Gender disappointment

It feels so awful having these feelings but I am experiencing overwhelming gender disappointment after finding out the gender today: a boy. I should be thrilled to be having a healthy child, I honestly didn’t even think I could get pregnant. But at 39, and with a mother who went into menopause at 39 this is likely a one and done for me.

I wanted nothing more in the world than to have a girl and I want to love this boy so much. Part of my fears may be that I know my partner wants to bring him up in a very male-centric, sports-oriented way which I would prefer to let him choose his interests, but also I always wanted to have a little mini-me. Just hoping I’m not an awful human for feeling this way and that I can stop crying and feel a connection to the boy in me. Many thanks.

Re: Gender disappointment

  • acamomma18acamomma18 member
    edited November 2022
    Agree with @cait32 - this is a totally normal feeling. So I’m here to validate you. I just found out I’m having a boy today too; I lost a pregnancy earlier this summer who was a girl. I’m struggling a bit thinking “I was supposed to have a girl.” BUT. I really do believe that you’re gonna love that little boy fiercely. He’s gonna look you in the eye and feel love, safety, and comfort. 💙 I also agree with giving yourself some time to adjust to your new reality. You’re his parent too (not just your partner) 💪🏼 
  • ashleyp625ashleyp625 member
    edited November 2022
    I agree with the other ladies here- take your time to process your feelings, but I really think you’ll learn to love your little boy. I never expected to be a boy mom myself, but I can’t picture my life any other way now, and my son is 6. 
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  • Thanks for all your kind words but my mind just can’t seem to wrap my head around any of it. I’m currently at the hospital for suicidal thoughts and am honestly considering abortion though that will be hard on my mental health either way. I just want to stop all of these feelings. It’s extreme and I’m so sad I’m feeling this way. I don’t want this boy to feel hated by his mother and I really panic as I feel like it won’t change.
  • @knottief936e33d18faba87 Glad to hear you are getting professional help right this minute. I sincerely hope that your provider lets you feel seen and heard, that you get the help you need, and that you come to peace with whatever decision you make. If it comes down to it, there are several antidepressants that are safe during pregnancy.
  • @knottief936e33d18faba87 hope you're doing okay - thinking about you
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