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HELP! NEED ADVICE on situation w/11 y.o
BACKSTORY for the week leading up to the weekend at the end of this post!
Am I being fair? I make my kids costumes every year and this year we were a little last minute with things. My 11 y.o wanted to be something we knew was going to cost some money and kind of kept us on the fence all month about whether or not we were going to do this due to behavior. There were a couple times we told him it wasn't happening if he didn't start behaving which I now regret because it was just an empty threat. He got sick and intentionally tried getting the rest of us sick and it worked .
Friday I woke up feeling awful and knew Saturday we needed to get everything we still needed to finish up costumes. He wakes up much MUCH earlier than anyone else in the house and knows to play quietly in his room until everyone's up but instead Saturday I woke up to him being extremely loud and I could hear him in his room talking to himself about how everyone needs to be awake because he is. My head was pounding that morning but we still went to the store , where he also didn't behave even after we told him we were there for his costume.
I stayed up until 4AM working on this kids costume just to be woken up again 2 hours later the same way except throwing things at his wall this time and to over hear him talking to himself about how annoying we all are and that we again need to be awake when he is and angrily moaning things like "this isn't fair". When it was time to get up he came out of his room saw his costume i had made and basically told me I didnt do a good enough job painting it and it's not the right one he wanted but that he GUESSES it will do and continued to be rude the rest of the day. I let him know there would be a consequence for the way he acted that morning later on and that we would discuss it then. Next day was halloween he came home from school with candy which I told him to enjoy... he was rude and spoke to us like garbage right up until we went trick or treating. At the end of the night I decided the consequence would be that he needed to do something nice and donate the candy he got trick or treating. He was pissed slamming doors stomping mumbling things under his breath at me. Went to bed talking to himself loud enough with the intention that I'd hear, how stupid it was he needed to donate HIS candy to a kid that doesn't deserve it, that we BETTER save it for him so he can eat it all because its his. And cherry on the cake after everything I did for him how stupid and rude I am for doing that , how he's sick of the food we have he wants candy and "thanks a lot mom for ruining halloween" . I honestly feel like he didn't deserve to go trick r treating this year or the costume I worked hard on for him to be what he wanted to be but he got both those things that night and I felt it was fair that he donate his candy after all that. Am I wrong?
BACKSTORY
I am constantly having to talk to my 11 y.o to the point I drive myself insane nothing I do seems to work.. Last week I asked my kids 11 y.o. and 3 y.o. to pick up the toys they were no longer playing with. My 11 yo thinks he shouldn't have to pick up any mess he makes or his toys he brings out of his room and leaves around the house he thinks its my "job" or his 3 year old sisters fault and responsibility not his. That day he did something he has never done before and faked a blackout he told me he did it because he didn't want to pick up his things and he didn't want to listen to me asking him to. I realized he was purposely doing these things for the negative attention and to get a reaction so me and his father decided were going to try to ignore these behaviors. This was about a week ago and from the moment we started this he has been a nightmare. Beyond rude and disrespectful to both his parents and his baby sister. He goes in his room throwing kicking and punching his belongings and groaning how unfair and stupid it is that he be asked to do ANYTHING. He resorted to being destructive with his sisters belongings which I know he's doing for attention but thats another situation I dont know how to handle. Do I really ignore that and let him destroy her things? Thats not fair to her. Hes been talking to her like she's garbage too and I can't stand it. I dont know what to do HELP.
.
Am I being fair? I make my kids costumes every year and this year we were a little last minute with things. My 11 y.o wanted to be something we knew was going to cost some money and kind of kept us on the fence all month about whether or not we were going to do this due to behavior. There were a couple times we told him it wasn't happening if he didn't start behaving which I now regret because it was just an empty threat. He got sick and intentionally tried getting the rest of us sick and it worked .
Friday I woke up feeling awful and knew Saturday we needed to get everything we still needed to finish up costumes. He wakes up much MUCH earlier than anyone else in the house and knows to play quietly in his room until everyone's up but instead Saturday I woke up to him being extremely loud and I could hear him in his room talking to himself about how everyone needs to be awake because he is. My head was pounding that morning but we still went to the store , where he also didn't behave even after we told him we were there for his costume.
I stayed up until 4AM working on this kids costume just to be woken up again 2 hours later the same way except throwing things at his wall this time and to over hear him talking to himself about how annoying we all are and that we again need to be awake when he is and angrily moaning things like "this isn't fair". When it was time to get up he came out of his room saw his costume i had made and basically told me I didnt do a good enough job painting it and it's not the right one he wanted but that he GUESSES it will do and continued to be rude the rest of the day. I let him know there would be a consequence for the way he acted that morning later on and that we would discuss it then. Next day was halloween he came home from school with candy which I told him to enjoy... he was rude and spoke to us like garbage right up until we went trick or treating. At the end of the night I decided the consequence would be that he needed to do something nice and donate the candy he got trick or treating. He was pissed slamming doors stomping mumbling things under his breath at me. Went to bed talking to himself loud enough with the intention that I'd hear, how stupid it was he needed to donate HIS candy to a kid that doesn't deserve it, that we BETTER save it for him so he can eat it all because its his. And cherry on the cake after everything I did for him how stupid and rude I am for doing that , how he's sick of the food we have he wants candy and "thanks a lot mom for ruining halloween" . I honestly feel like he didn't deserve to go trick r treating this year or the costume I worked hard on for him to be what he wanted to be but he got both those things that night and I felt it was fair that he donate his candy after all that. Am I wrong?
BACKSTORY
I am constantly having to talk to my 11 y.o to the point I drive myself insane nothing I do seems to work.. Last week I asked my kids 11 y.o. and 3 y.o. to pick up the toys they were no longer playing with. My 11 yo thinks he shouldn't have to pick up any mess he makes or his toys he brings out of his room and leaves around the house he thinks its my "job" or his 3 year old sisters fault and responsibility not his. That day he did something he has never done before and faked a blackout he told me he did it because he didn't want to pick up his things and he didn't want to listen to me asking him to. I realized he was purposely doing these things for the negative attention and to get a reaction so me and his father decided were going to try to ignore these behaviors. This was about a week ago and from the moment we started this he has been a nightmare. Beyond rude and disrespectful to both his parents and his baby sister. He goes in his room throwing kicking and punching his belongings and groaning how unfair and stupid it is that he be asked to do ANYTHING. He resorted to being destructive with his sisters belongings which I know he's doing for attention but thats another situation I dont know how to handle. Do I really ignore that and let him destroy her things? Thats not fair to her. Hes been talking to her like she's garbage too and I can't stand it. I dont know what to do HELP.
.
Re: HELP! NEED ADVICE on situation w/11 y.o