So, my husband and I have a 3 1/2 year old and a barely 2 year old. My older son has been asking for a baby, sometimes specifically a baby sister. 😭😭😭 So sweet.
I ended up testing when I really thought it was going to be negative, and he’s a nosy little butt so he wandered on in and we were talking about how we can test blood and urine, etc. My stupid butt thought we were having a cute little science lesson and then BOOM a very faint second line. So that’s how he found out. Before my husband. Whoops.
Our son randomly told me about a week ago that he "changed his mind and wants a baby". He always said he didn't was a sibling. So that was super strange lol.
TW - LOSS We told our then 4 year old (now 6) about a pregnancy immediately in the past and lost the baby shortly after so I am terrified of doing that again.
@maddmama when we told him last time I had the same feelings. But now, I don't know. I feel like waiting as long as I can. I am thinking of telling all family around Christmas and him shortly beforehand. I highly doubt my husband will agree to wait that long haha. We will see.
TTC History:
Started dating DH 2006 . Married 2015
TTC July 2015-November 2015
BFP November 2015 Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021 MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
@ReadyForaB sadly my children have had a lot of family death in their lives so far and we really try to normalize it, that’s another big reason I was comfortable sharing with them so early.
Your boy has a sixth sense he’s getting a sibling!! ❤️
My son was set on being an only child and I started warming him up to the idea because I knew we would be trying for another baby. He got on board pretty quickly and when I told him I did a video of him and made him repeat after me. I said a couple random things, and then "say... im gonna be a good big brother!" And his eyes got sooo wide and he realized what was happening lol. He heard brother and said "wait, we're having a boy?!" I love the we. Lol! He then rubbed my belly and said "well you gotta eat healthy then!"
We have 6 and 2.5 year old DSs. Like @annemarie96, DS1 wants a baby sister 🥺 and DS2 is completely unaware haha.
To tell them, I went outside and drew a new "family portrait" including baby #3. Then I told DS1 I had something to show him and DH filmed it. I asked him to tell me who everyone in the picture was, and when he got to the end he was like "where'd that kid come from? Who's that?" I asked him if he remembered how we got DS2 and all of a sudden he started looking behind him and around the yard like he thought a baby was going to appear haha. When he finally realized what we were saying he just went "oh! Okay." And seemed so uninterested. But he warms up to the idea more as the days go by!
We kind of had to tell the kids because I'm so sick, it was starting to make DS1 super nervous. He is a very anxious kid and because I've had some health issues, he was quick to assume the worst. In fact we told him two Fridays ago, and the next day we went to a pumpkin patch. As we were having a little picnic lunch in the parking lot area, he told me and DH that he was really afraid the baby was hurting me and that something bad was going to happen. It broke my heart!
I haven’t told mine. They’re 6, 4, and 1. They’d tell EVERYONE they see, and if they tell everyone then my mom will know and she’ll tell everyone else. I’ve told just a few close friends, and I’d like to keep it that way until I’m more sure it’s going to stick.
@ReadyForaB sharing loss with children is hard, but I think it’s good. Sadly, when I lost a baby my older son was a little under 3 and he remembers it a year later now. He asks me sometimes if this baby is going to die, and we talk about it very matter of factly. I think seeing me sobbing over the baby and grieving, and then later being able to be very matter of fact and okay again has helped him to know that that deep grief doesn’t last forever. No matter how sad something is we can heal from it and we’ll be okay.
So important to me to be able to teach that!!
I’m not saying to share with your kids the way I do though, you know your kid best! ❤️
@cassafrass123 yeah, that’s true. My son told his grandpa the very first day he saw him. Of course. So then we have to tell other grandparents quickly so it’s fair agh. We all live pretty close so secrets are hard! And then my mom told my sister, grandma, and aunt that first day she knew. So annoying. 🤷🏻♀️ It is what it is now. I’m 6 weeks and a ton of people know.
My newly 2 year old hasn't really grasped the news. He really loves babies though, he sits beside me and makes these cute squealing noises whenever I'm on my phone and pictures of little kids pop up on social media and our friends had a baby a year after he was born and he's obsessed! I think he'll be happy, and he really likes looking at my sonogram pictures, he just doesn't really get what's actually going on 😆 I've talked to him about his older sister who died pretty much from day one. We light candles on her birthday every year and I tell him who they're for even though he can't understand. It was really important for me that we didn't just drop the news on him randomly one day that he had a sibling he never got to meet. 💔
@kalesix3 *TW* my aunt and uncle had a stillborn son six months before I was born. When they eventually had their daughter, they never stopped honoring his memory all these decades later. Every year they hang ornaments with his name on them on their Christmas tree, and my younger cousin is very involved. I have another friend who lost both her twins to TTTS and both her daughters know all about the boys. I remember finding out in my early 20s that my mom had a miscarriage between me and my older sister that I never knew about and it completely changed something in me. I think it's beautiful that you have a way to celebrate your daughter as a family ❤️
@thescarletmom oh that's so beautiful, I always am so glad to hear stories of others who honor babies they lost too 💔. Grief and infant loss awareness has come so far with being more normalized so newer generations won't have to struggle as much as we did. (Tw) My mom had five miscarriages and two stillbirths that I know about and I only know from eavesdropping hushed whispers and random late night hospital visits. She never spoke about the pregnancies and babies she lost so when I walked through it I had to learn everything from scratch but I couldn't imagine erasing how much of my life was lost or sweeping a life under a rug of social politeness.
@kalesix3 my mom never talked about it either! I only found out from her after my *TW* third miscarriage. And she only mentioned it the one time, pretty matter of factly, and never again. I agree, I'm so glad people feel more confident and comfortable being open with their grief and loss. Pregnancy and infant loss is such a huge thing to experience, it shouldn't be ignored.
My daughter (4 yo) is adamant about not wanting a new baby in her home. We've tried to be encouraging and telling her that she would be the best big sister ever and asking her what their names should be. She said "frank for a boy BUT I JUST WANT TO BE THE ONLY CHILD HERE" so yeah, it's not going well.
@annah2022 Aw, that’s rough! She may feel completely different next week or next month, who knows? Kids at 4 are so crazy. 😂 And maybe she’ll hate the idea until baby smiles at her for the first time and giggles at her silly face she makes.
I’m sure you’re watching all the “introducing new baby” content and advice.
I heard something really good one time about being careful with how you word things, like if you can’t do something immediately not mentioning that the baby is why you can’t. Like “I can come help you in 5 minutes honey!” Instead of “I can’t come yet because I’m nursing your sister” or things like that.
I’ve found some really good tips like that even from like a therapist point of view. Wish I could remember where.
We haven't even officially told her mommy is pregnant. We lost our last at 20 weeks, so we are very aware that many things can happen (6 weeks atm). We've just been trying to warm her up to the idea. Her best friend at school just had a baby sister and we have been asking her how much she loves being a big sister in front of our LO hoping the idea starts to sound better lol.
It will all be fine. But what she really wants is a dog, which will not be happening now that I'm with child LOL
My husband and I told our kids pretty early on. It’s all they talk about now, they are so excited. They argue about the baby being a boy or girl. They brainstorm the things the baby needs, it’s very sweet.
We told our kids (5 and 8) at 9 weeks after ultrasound confirmed a heartbeat with ultrasound pictures (which the 8yo was somewhat familiar with) and shirts that said "Big Brother.. Again" and "I'm going to be a big sister!" and they're verrrry excited -- 8yo was a little disappointed we told them so soon because baby won't be here for sooooo long though haha
The chances of me being pregnant right now (failed vasectomy 5 years after it was originally given the all clear) is something like .1% so I go back and forth between feeling like miscarriage rates don't mean a lot to me (while knowing it's always a possibility but it will happen or not regardless of how much I worry) to the smallest of miscarriage rates feeling huge and inevitable and overwhelming. I think I'm (personally, not trying to give advice or anything here just sharing thoughts) just happy to share the surprise and joy and excitement with everyone for now either way and go through a loss with as much support as possible if that's what happens.
So many people we've told (MIL, my Dad, close friends) have thought it was a joke because they all know DH has had a vasectomy and we were "done" so it's been exciting and entertaining
@potato3000 my oldest has some vague memories of when i was pregnant with little brother and while he's excited, it's almost like he acts like it's a routine he's done a hundred times 🤣 he can be very matter of fact and it's so funny to me. Do people ever react to your announcement with like "are you sure it's DHs?" While I'm fully aware vasectomies are not perfect, I know some people think they are!
@thescarletmom Aw haha, that is funny! My oldest doesn't seem to remember my pregnancy with his sister at all. He was so good with her as a newborn even though he was only 3yo though and we went to visit a friend's 2 week old last week and he had zero hesitations about holding her and instantly fell in love when she wrapped her little hand around his finger so I can't wait to see him with this LO and have no doubt he'll be a huge help at 9yo
Yep, my husband's definitely got a couple of those comments and he always just laughs and responds with "well, it better have blue eyes!" just because we both do and so do our kids and high school science taught us both that's because it's a recessive gene (right? haha). So, of course, I've had to make a comment to him about being smart enough to only cheat on him with guys who have blue eyes 😂
@potato3000 DS1 was a little over 3.5 when DS2 was born, and will be juuuuust shy of 7 when this babe is born. I know he will be the most loving big brother, and he loves to help so much. Little brother rocked his world (honestly probably the pandemic more than anything, our entire lives changed when he was born in March 2020) but I think this time will be really fun to watch him be a big brother again. DH and I are *fascinated* to see what DS2 thinks of the baby. He'll be just under 3.5, and since he's a pandemic baby with a SAHP, he hasn't spent much time with other kids but especially babies.
Oh man I don't think I would have thick enough skin for that! But I'm glad you guys seem to be able to roll with it. I'm sure it helps to be confident in your marriage! My DH and I simply would not have the time to cheat on each other haha.
@thescarletmom Aw, that would be a lot for him. It was a lot for me as an adult (and literally everyone else) without adding a new baby to the mix! haha
I'm probably most looking forward to seeing my kids interact with this baby, watching a sibling bond form is just the best, sweetest feeling in the world (assuming it doesn't go horribly wrong somehow 😆)
Yeah, I was worried about how things would go when I told him just because we were so sure about being "done" having kids. I knew he would know it was his but thought he might be more into terminating the pregnancy than following through with it (to be totally honest, I thought I would be more open to it than I was once the pregnancy was actually confirmed) but he's been totally on board with having this baby and has made so many sweet(/corny haha) comments about 'good thing we have so much love in this family' and stuff like that. I think we've both had almost a newfound appreciation for how great our older kids are too -- not that we didn't love and appreciate them before but it's like seeing them in a new light. Or something? haha
@potato3000 I looove watching the sibling bond too. There's literally nothing like it!
We were not trying to get pregnant this time either. I was on team "just one more" but my husband was pretty staunchly done. I was coming to terms with all of that and our family being complete when bam. Pregnant. I woke him up sobbing the morning I tested because I thought he was going to leave me and/or think that I got pregnant on purpose or something (anxiety is so fun). He has been 1000% more laid back and willing to roll with the punches than I ever expected. And this has been a very difficult pregnancy so far (I have HG and it's been a rocky road to finding a good med combo to treat) and he's had to step up and take on so much more than his fair share in every way. So I'm glad we've both been pleasantly surprised ❤️
@thescarletmom Aw, that's amazing! Sorry you're dealing with HG. This is by far my most difficult pregnancy as well but so far at least I'm keeping everything down despite the nausea. Did you have it with your other two? I hope it gets better for you soon!
We plan on telling family on Thanksgiving. I booked a private scan two days beforehand and, while I haven't run the idea past DH yet, I am thinking maybe bringing DS to it. Obviously, having them wait outside until we know all is well. That way he will know and be able to tell everyone with us on Thanksgiving. I will be almost 12 weeks at the time.
TTC History:
Started dating DH 2006 . Married 2015
TTC July 2015-November 2015
BFP November 2015 Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021 MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
@thescarletmom so my husband and I were almost opposite you guys. My husband wants more kids than I do. I think I’m at least done with bio kids after this one. But I have been shocked by how helpful he has been. He was already really helpful in certain ways and has always been nurturing and very hands-on, but now he is actually filling in where I need him to and anticipating the kids needs so much more than usual. I’m just amazed. You guys know how even a great dad just doesn’t think like a mom. 😂 He’s at least trying to!
And with the other pregnancies he would be a little annoyed sometimes by how sick or “dramatic” I got about nausea (at least it felt that way) but this time he is just so understanding.
It really makes me feel better about having 3 kids.
@potato3000 yep, I always get it. This time has been harder (though I think overall the severity of my symptoms was the same) because the meds that I took to control symptoms last time simply did not work at all this time. Weeks of trial and error and not keeping anything down was brutal with two kids who still wanted mommy to play.
@ReadyForaB exciting!! I'm personally very pro involve the siblings in welcoming baby when it makes sense. How old is DS again?
@annemarie96 I'm having the same experience! DH just didn't "get it" before when I was so sick during pregnancy, would get frustrated with how little help I was able to offer, how much rest/sleep i needed. But this time he is quick to tell me to go lay down, go rest, what do you need I'll get it. He's handled the kids like a dream, has made almost every single meal in our house for a month, all the grocery shopping, etc and really hasn't complained at all. Our house looks like a disaster zone, but cleaning was always more of my wheelhouse and it makes sense it was the first thing to fall off his priority list. He's always been a good dad, but has truly stepped up in every way possible this time and it has been huge for me.
@thescarletmom DS is 6. TW - LOSS - I am just so scared of telling him and having another loss. Having him know was by far the worst part of our first loss. I want to keep waiting. But, I know it's almost time.
TTC History:
Started dating DH 2006 . Married 2015
TTC July 2015-November 2015
BFP November 2015 Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021 MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
@ReadyForaB ah that's right, DS1 is 6 as well. We've never shared a pregnancy with him that ended in loss, I can't imagine how difficult that would be. DS1 the day after we told him about this baby told us that he was afraid something bad would happen to me because of the baby. His anxiety about something that hasn't happened was hard enough for me to handle. I think if your plan is to tell family right after, telling him before and giving him time to process any feelings that might come up first would probably be beneficial ❤️
@annemarie96 right at this point, laundry only happens when someone runs out of clothes haha. When I have ten minutes of energy the living room might get picked up but that's as good as its gonna get for a bit
Cleaning? Some of you guys are keeping up with that??? Impressive. Lmao. Im keeping up with the bare minimum!! Each week I tell myself, "this weekend for sure. I'm gonna be productive" and then the weekend comes and I lay around like the laziest human this world has to offer! I'm off today and was certain I'd get something done today, so I did wash our sheets!! Thats a win in my book.
@hitcj4687 the only reason I'm still keeping a spotlessly clean house at this point is because I'll feel ten times worse if things get out of hand or start letting tasks slip. It's my toxic trait 💀 so puking my brains out or not the house is going to be clean and neat.. and I wonder why I'm so exhausted lol 🤦🏻♀️
@kalesix3 Lol my toxic traits is that I DO feel ten times worse with a dirty house and I still let stuff slip. Whoops 🙃 sometimes I wish I couldn't rest with a dirty house but I'm sure it's one of those grass is greener things!
A messy and disorganized house also causes me to spiral!! We never really even got caught back up after the wedding/honeymoon. I've been permanently exhausted for months and every weekend seems to either be busy or I just don't have it in me. And on week nights? Forget about it. I get dinner on the table and the dishes cleaned and that's about all I can manage right now. Luckily my son is at an age where he showers himself and is not a lot of work for me. I don't know how you mama's with littles do it!
@kalesix3 you’re making me rethink my priorities here. So how do you not pass out? Because I’ve passed out once before when pregnant, so when I can’t eat or drink anything and feel lightheaded when I stand up I just figure I can’t do anything except try to keep stuff down. So that becomes #1 and I don’t even try to stand up if I’m keeping nothing down.
How are you able to push through? Because this house is driving me insane and my poor husband is doing so much. If I can push through it and puke my guts out but still clean something that would be great. Idk
@annemarie96 honestly sometimes I think I need to be a little less functioning when I'm really sick or exhausted, because I said to my partner today "ugh I feel so bad I can barely function" and he was like "well if this is barely functional you're doing a great job" and I realized maybe I should be less tough. It's not that bad though, like I only have a 2 year old and he cleans, cooks, does laundry, gardening etc with me. He's been doing all my day to day stuff with me since day one so like yesterday it was walls/doors/baseboard cleaning day and he had a spray bottle with warm water and a few drops of dawn in it and he sprayed and I wiped/mopped, I didn't have to stop cleaning to entertain him which helps a lot. I think if you get HG the biggest priority is just keeping you and baby safe and if that means getting by and prioritizing things like keeping food down, that's super important. I did have a thing where for a while with my son's pregnancy if I stood too long I'd get really lightheaded and was afraid I'd pass out, but I never did. I'm not even really sure why it happened, some of my bloodwork came back really low on a something having to do with my blood flow and hemoglobin so I always wondered if that's what caused it but it went away and I never got an answer. This time it hasn't happened so go figure. But if you're someone who does pass out and exhaustion hits you really hard definitely see if there's a way to get some help. Maybe a family member or a highschooler wanting to make a little money or something to help take some cleaning off your plate when you're struggling?
Re: Older Siblings reaction to the news??
i figure I will share everything no matter good or bad with them. They were SO excited
TW - LOSS
We told our then 4 year old (now 6) about a pregnancy immediately in the past and lost the baby shortly after so I am terrified of doing that again.
@maddmama when we told him last time I had the same feelings. But now, I don't know. I feel like waiting as long as I can. I am thinking of telling all family around Christmas and him shortly beforehand. I highly doubt my husband will agree to wait that long haha. We will see.
TTC July 2015-November 2015
Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021
MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
TTC Since March 2022
MMC June 2022
BFP September 2022 - Due June 2023!
TTC July 2015-November 2015
Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021
MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
TTC Since March 2022
MMC June 2022
BFP September 2022 - Due June 2023!
To tell them, I went outside and drew a new "family portrait" including baby #3. Then I told DS1 I had something to show him and DH filmed it. I asked him to tell me who everyone in the picture was, and when he got to the end he was like "where'd that kid come from? Who's that?" I asked him if he remembered how we got DS2 and all of a sudden he started looking behind him and around the yard like he thought a baby was going to appear haha. When he finally realized what we were saying he just went "oh! Okay." And seemed so uninterested. But he warms up to the idea more as the days go by!
We kind of had to tell the kids because I'm so sick, it was starting to make DS1 super nervous. He is a very anxious kid and because I've had some health issues, he was quick to assume the worst. In fact we told him two Fridays ago, and the next day we went to a pumpkin patch. As we were having a little picnic lunch in the parking lot area, he told me and DH that he was really afraid the baby was hurting me and that something bad was going to happen. It broke my heart!
I've talked to him about his older sister who died pretty much from day one. We light candles on her birthday every year and I tell him who they're for even though he can't understand. It was really important for me that we didn't just drop the news on him randomly one day that he had a sibling he never got to meet. 💔
It will all be fine. But what she really wants is a dog, which will not be happening now that I'm with child LOL
The chances of me being pregnant right now (failed vasectomy 5 years after it was originally given the all clear) is something like .1% so I go back and forth between feeling like miscarriage rates don't mean a lot to me (while knowing it's always a possibility but it will happen or not regardless of how much I worry) to the smallest of miscarriage rates feeling huge and inevitable and overwhelming. I think I'm (personally, not trying to give advice or anything here just sharing thoughts) just happy to share the surprise and joy and excitement with everyone for now either way and go through a loss with as much support as possible if that's what happens.
So many people we've told (MIL, my Dad, close friends) have thought it was a joke because they all know DH has had a vasectomy and we were "done" so it's been exciting and entertaining
Yep, my husband's definitely got a couple of those comments and he always just laughs and responds with "well, it better have blue eyes!" just because we both do and so do our kids and high school science taught us both that's because it's a recessive gene (right? haha). So, of course, I've had to make a comment to him about being smart enough to only cheat on him with guys who have blue eyes 😂
Oh man I don't think I would have thick enough skin for that! But I'm glad you guys seem to be able to roll with it. I'm sure it helps to be confident in your marriage! My DH and I simply would not have the time to cheat on each other haha.
I'm probably most looking forward to seeing my kids interact with this baby, watching a sibling bond form is just the best, sweetest feeling in the world (assuming it doesn't go horribly wrong somehow 😆)
Yeah, I was worried about how things would go when I told him just because we were so sure about being "done" having kids. I knew he would know it was his but thought he might be more into terminating the pregnancy than following through with it (to be totally honest, I thought I would be more open to it than I was once the pregnancy was actually confirmed) but he's been totally on board with having this baby and has made so many sweet(/corny haha) comments about 'good thing we have so much love in this family' and stuff like that. I think we've both had almost a newfound appreciation for how great our older kids are too -- not that we didn't love and appreciate them before but it's like seeing them in a new light. Or something? haha
We were not trying to get pregnant this time either. I was on team "just one more" but my husband was pretty staunchly done. I was coming to terms with all of that and our family being complete when bam. Pregnant. I woke him up sobbing the morning I tested because I thought he was going to leave me and/or think that I got pregnant on purpose or something (anxiety is so fun). He has been 1000% more laid back and willing to roll with the punches than I ever expected. And this has been a very difficult pregnancy so far (I have HG and it's been a rocky road to finding a good med combo to treat) and he's had to step up and take on so much more than his fair share in every way. So I'm glad we've both been pleasantly surprised ❤️
TTC July 2015-November 2015
Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021
MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
TTC Since March 2022
MMC June 2022
BFP September 2022 - Due June 2023!
He’s at least trying to!
@ReadyForaB exciting!! I'm personally very pro involve the siblings in welcoming baby when it makes sense. How old is DS again?
@annemarie96 I'm having the same experience! DH just didn't "get it" before when I was so sick during pregnancy, would get frustrated with how little help I was able to offer, how much rest/sleep i needed. But this time he is quick to tell me to go lay down, go rest, what do you need I'll get it. He's handled the kids like a dream, has made almost every single meal in our house for a month, all the grocery shopping, etc and really hasn't complained at all. Our house looks like a disaster zone, but cleaning was always more of my wheelhouse and it makes sense it was the first thing to fall off his priority list. He's always been a good dad, but has truly stepped up in every way possible this time and it has been huge for me.
TTC July 2015-November 2015
Baby boy born August 2016
Oops BFP February 2021
MMC March 2021
Back on BC for a year to decide what we want to do.
TTC Since March 2022
MMC June 2022
BFP September 2022 - Due June 2023!
BUT my husband keeps the house pretty clean so I do my best to match the standards he needs to function.
I think if you get HG the biggest priority is just keeping you and baby safe and if that means getting by and prioritizing things like keeping food down, that's super important.
I did have a thing where for a while with my son's pregnancy if I stood too long I'd get really lightheaded and was afraid I'd pass out, but I never did. I'm not even really sure why it happened, some of my bloodwork came back really low on a something having to do with my blood flow and hemoglobin so I always wondered if that's what caused it but it went away and I never got an answer. This time it hasn't happened so go figure. But if you're someone who does pass out and exhaustion hits you really hard definitely see if there's a way to get some help. Maybe a family member or a highschooler wanting to make a little money or something to help take some cleaning off your plate when you're struggling?