How to deal with overwhelming feelings from family members

lisamright

I know everyone here is super excited about their new babies... And I know I should be too, but it's getting overwhelming because everyone wants to touch my belly, and everyone wants to buy things for the baby and I'm just wondering if I'm being a butthole.. I want my husband to be the first one to feel baby move and he's out of town for work. Everyone keeps trying to poke my belly and ask if they can feel the baby move like it's somehow their right to touch me just because they know me.. and we have a small house, but people are buying multiples of things that we already bought- like swing and playpen and bouncy seat. I appreciate everyone's kindness, but everyone is acting like they're gonna be watching the baby everyday for me or something... They don't have much to do with my older kids(15 &11) but they wanna babysit the newborn overnight? 

lisamright

To clarify a couple things- some of them have been pushing me to find out the gender, and I don't wanna know until birth. They've bought a bassinet for their home, when they smoke inside and haven't spent any time with my kids except Christmas and Thanksgiving since my kids were like five and nine. Or trying to buy baby monitor when they know the baby will have to share my room. All of this from people who can't even afford to pay their bills(which is a big part of why I keep asking them not to buy anything because I don't wanna take money from their household when they're struggling)

swizzlemalarkey

My opinion: let them buy stuff if they continue to do so after you politely decline. They’re adults and It’s their money. If they want to spend it on baby things even if they’re struggling then don’t feel bad. If you don’t want to keep it either exchange it for something else or donate it 🤷🏻‍♀️ Don’t talk to them about what you need etc. they might be feeling like they have to help you out. 

Tell people your bump is off limits and smack their hand if you have to. Boundaries are boundaries and unfortunately you gotta lay down the line NOW. Because after baby gets here you’ll need to be able to stand firm. So practice now! Also, you’re the parent so what you say goes. If you’re not comfortable with someone watching your child you don’t have to let them!! Don’t let anyone pressure you. And if people are being toxic about it limit contact & distance yourself. They’ll hopefully get the message eventually. The novelty of the new baby sometimes wears off over time too. 

kbmt

I don’t know how to help, but you are not alone. People have been touching my belly without permission, and I hate it! Today, I purposefully hung my purse over my stomach, stood away from people who I know go for the touch, and hunched over while sitting so that nobody could make their way to my stomach. It even annoys me when people talk to me while staring at my stomach. I’m a person still, not just a baby incubator. I want to say, “my eyes are up here.” Yet, I haven’t found a way or the nerve to politely tell people to stop. 😔 

I have told my mom (who is baby crazy and wants to always buy things) that we are trying to be minimalists when it comes to having extra stuff in our house. I don’t want a ton of clothes that a baby will grow out of before he can wear them. I don’t need a swing or rocker. I created an Amazon list of things that I plan to get and shared it with her. She bought items off of the list, so this helped a lot.

00kim00

I haven't had a single person try to touch my belly other than my husband, but you can and should definitely just tell them to stop touching you. As for gifts you don't need, return or donate. Unwanted babysitters? Go ahead and draw the line now: "in order to protect baby's health, we won't be bringing it to any house where people smoke indoors." Regarding smoking, some parents require that smokers shower and change between smoking and visiting baby, so if you're planning on that, you can set that expectation now, too. 

I do want to add in that a baby monitor is super helpful, even if you are room sharing. That way, you can put baby down for naps in a quiet room, close the door, then do chores, shower, have time for yourself, etc. And even though it's annoying, try to take some joy from being surrounded by people who are excited for your baby- not everyone has that.

lisamright

Thank y'all ❤️ I've told everyone we already bought all the essentials, and don't need anything since it's our third child(even though there's a huge age gap we felt that we shouldn't expect anyone to gift anything). It is helpful to know I'm not alone with the don't touch me feelings... Everyone is so worried about every move I make but only because I'm pregnant... They didn't care what I did before(shopping alone, going to a big busy city to run errands alone etc) but now they try to explain to me how dangerous it all is to go alone.