How do you know if parenting is for you?

gratitudeandblessings

Hi everyone, I'm Eli and its nice to meet you all.

My question is how to know if parenting is for you.

I'm at the age where I am financially independent, I have my own house, i have no loans or any responsibilities, and am wondering if its time I should settle down.

I don't have a partner, and will be going though the process as a single mother with a sperm donor.
(I should mention I'm in my late 30s.)

Some of my main motivating factors for having a child include the fact that my investments made big returns over the years, and I always thought it would be a shame if I didn't have a child to give these opportunities to/pass on the blessings.
Not only in the sense of wealth, but in the sense of knowledge too. I came from the bottom- up and would really like to pay it forward and give someone else a good life.

However, some things holding me back are more practical. I worked as a kindergarten teacher for a while before, and though I enjoyed spending time with the kids, I did have to change careers because of burn out. Having a child is a 20 year commitment, at least; I'm worried I won't have the stamina to give my best version forward for that long. I'm worried that my inability to handle a kindergarten class is just an indicator that I won't be a good mom and just stress myself out instead.
I should also mention I have a history of mental illness with anxiety and depression. Its gotten more managable over the years. However, not only do i fear I will pass it on to my child, I feel I would be doing an injustice to my child if I haven't taken care of all my demons before helping my child with theirs.

Thus, how did you know that parenting is for you? Is there some things you should have considered more before having children?
Are there any big red flags I should be aware of?
At this point, I'm still swaying back and forth. Any advice would help.

Thank you!

knottie35517ba6a1044608

First no one can tell you if you should or shouldn’t have a child that has to be your decision but I will tell you that it is a totally different experience having your own kids versus taking care of other peoples children let alone 20 at one time. The love you have for your own child keeps you going and brings so much joy. Honestly kids are a lot of work but its worth it. If you can be in a room with 20 5 year olds then one child will feel like a breeze lol. Maybe the best thing you can do for yourself is make a list of pros and cons on having a child. Also if you decide to have a child one piece of advice I can give you is make time for yourself. Even if it is just for an hour take time to do something for you it will make you feel like your not trapped in the same routine and will also help improve your mental health as well. 

Best of luck to you

annemarie96

Teaching is nothing like parenting! I’m so many ways it’s harder, and of course parenting is harder in a lot of ways. But my husband and I both hated teaching even though we love kids, and we have two kids now and even though we’re exhausted we’re really happy as parents. You kind of live in a burnt out state, but not at all like teaching. It’s your kid that you know inside and out. You grow as a parent with them, learning who they are and how to help them through each stage. A teacher is crippled from helping students in so many ways because you don’t have any control over the kids life, they’re just thrown into your class every day. With your kid you can decide what their life will look like and give boundaries and rules. 

So different. 

urooj366

Of course, Parenting is a complex and rewarding journey that involves nurturing and caring for children as they grow and develop. It encompasses a wide range of responsibilities and challenges, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting.

Knottie70155397

I think you need to be fully committed to being a parent and I honestly couldn’t imagine being a single mother. It is ALOT harder than teaching is and you do not get any off time unless you pay a babysitter or have family that will sub in. It can definitely make you feel crazy at times so I think you need to be in a healthy place mentally to have kids or it will be a nightmare. You’ll ultimately need to decide for yourself but it is incredibly difficult if you want to be a good mom and there is no going back so you need to be 100% before committing. 

j-redd222

I am a mother of 2 with a third on the way and they’re very close in age. I love my kids but they are a lot of work. Mentally and physically they require a lot of attention and effort and there is no breaks- you can think your night is over and then BAM they’re throwing up and you’re sleeping on their bedroom floor to comfort them. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change a single thing. I absolutely adore my babies and love being a mother but I don’t know if I could do it as a single mother. I also have a history of anxiety and depression and, personally, giving my life to Jesus was the only thing that took that away from me and allowed me to be of sound mind for my family. If your plan is to be a single mother I would really look at how much external support you have. Do you live close to family? Do you have friends that would help? What kind of child care would you prefer and what would that look like built into your normal life (nanny, daycare, stay at home parenting, etc.)? Also, what kind of parenting style would you want to do? For instance I practice gentle parenting and that focuses on fixing some issues I have in order not to pass bad habits and negative feelings I had about myself onto my kids. This, however can take a lot of effort and patience and at times I need my partner to sub in while I get calm enough to approach situations properly during particularly tough days. If you want to be a mother, go for it but these are just some things you might want to look into if you’re on the fence. Anyone who is worried about being a bad mother cares enough about their (potential) child to be a good one and remember that every mother makes mistakes- like a lot of them. There’s no perfect way to be a parent and there’s no right or wrong answer as to if you should. Also, keep in mind that caring for other peoples kids is way different than caring for your own. Other peoples kids get on my nerves far more easily than my own children do because I don’t have the same connection with them and they have weird annoying things about them that don’t come from me lol. I hope this helps and that you have happiness no matter what choice you make!