New here-mentions loss

hld0

I just had an 8 week ultrasound today and there was no heartbeat. Unfortunately, this is the 2nd time this has happened to me this year, and this is after going through IVF and the PGT-A testing. At this point, I don’t see how I can have hope again. There must be something wrong with my body that rejects carrying life. I’m just at a loss and don’t see where to go from here. Has anyone experienced anything like this?

00kim00

I'm so sorry for your loss. It might be your body, but it's at least as likely (maybe more likely) that it's the embryo. Doing IVF is kinda forcing it, which may make an embryo stick around a bit longer than it otherwise would have, but if it wasn't going to survive, it wasn't going to. Though PGT testing does give some reassurance that the embryo doesn't have some defects, it definitely doesn't test for everything. You didn't do anything wrong, that little one just wasn't built to make it longer than he/she did. You can keep trying, you can stop, you can look into embryo adoption (it's probably the embryo, not your body, so you may have a better chance of experiencing pregnancy that way), you can explore egg or sperm donors, you can take a break, you can find other ways to grow your family such as adoption, or you can decide to be "complete as two"/childfree. I have a friend who went through many losses and many rounds of IVF; eventually they tried an egg donor and she was pregnant with triplets on the first try with donor eggs. Another couple of friends decided to stop IVF and adopted. I eventually gave up hope of conceiving and started fostering, then after doing that a while and hitting 40 years old, decided to try IVF. A therapist I saw for a while stopped trying and accepted she would never have a child of her own, but dedicated herself to helping many children who were not hers. There are many paths from here, and if you're considering continuing with IVF, it's worth a conversation about why they think this has happened twice and what they recommend regarding changing protocol for next time.
 
But right now, give yourself time and permission to grieve your loved and lost little one. He or she was valuable, loved, and your child. S/he deserves your love and your tears.

lilswed

I’m so sorry - I had two miscarriages in a row after a long time of trying for both. 

Our one live child had lots of medical stuff - I know the feeling of your body betraying you. I’m so sorry. 

It took lots of therapy to mourn the losses- including the loss of what I thought life would look like before I was ready to try again.