I don't like being pregnant!

evel91

I'm a 34 weeks FTM and I feel this strange guilt that I haven't enjoyed being pregnant. Hearing from my mother about how much she loved it makes me feel judged for not liking it. I've had a difficult pregnancy: I had some miserable morning sickness from weeks 6-12, then we had a concerning scan where the doctors told us that it looked like baby was abnormal so we spent about 3 months not knowing whether we'd have to terminate (it turns out it was likely nothing, but there's still some anxiety there). Then I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes which means I have to follow a strict diet and even so my sugars are still all over the place, and now my belly is so large that I have a host of aches and pains all the time. I can't believe I've got 6 more weeks of this. People keep asking me how I'm feeling and what I'm feeling is like telling them to shut up because I'm so uncomfortable and don't want to keep explaining it. 

I've read that it's normal to not like being pregnant, but has anyone else felt like this? 

knottiec1bd6c5399b4642a

I definitely haven't liked being pregnant either time. For me, it's such an anxiefy-filled period! I had a similar scare with my anatomy scan with my first pregnancy and needed an amniocentesis. I had similar worries about whether I would need to terminate. That might also be a contributing factor.

ravenhairedgirl83

Honestly, I'm not all about it either. I know the guilt. It's not for reasons of feeling ill, having a hard pregnancy or feeling anxious. Pregnancy has always been a means to an end for me, knowing that this child will be it for us and it wasn't necessarily in our plan. We're 39. So, I carry on every day, try to have a positive attitude and put the little one's needs first and try to embrace this time in my life. I'm very private about this because of judgment from others (mainly women), sensitivity to infertility and loss in the community, etc... 

meggyme

I’m sorry you haven’t been able to enjoy pregnancy. GD especially sucks a lot of the fun out of and you’re at the point where it’s not going to get better before delivery. Do the best you can and try to relax. As hard as it is, babies are generally easier to take care of when they’re on the inside.

magic_lentil

I love this!  There is some mental pleasure to being pregnant - knowing there is a new human life you are creating is incredible, feeling the first kicks or seeing the little legs on the ultrasound is pretty cool.  But overall physically it is so demanding and suffery!  I recently saw some friends of mine that I hadn’t caught up with in a while, who have two kids each and they both asked me how the pregnancy has been (with a tiny bit of a smirk). And I was dancing around my answer a little because like you, I feel like no one wants to hear the real answer but they were both like, “it’s ok, you can say it sucks; it’s the worst right?” and I found that so cathartic!  To just be able to be real that no, it’s not a great thing!  If the payoff wasn’t so huge and non-negotiable, no sane person would put their body through this! 

kh7487

My first pregnancy i loved. It was pretty much a breeze, aside from an amnio needed at 15 weeks. My second pregnancy, totally different… i also have GD which is really pissing me off bc i jsut want to be pregnant and eat what i want! I also had SPD which made it so difficult to walk/move but thankfully found an amazing chiropractor who helped me get better. In addition i am on lovenox shots daily as well as insulin now 😰I’m 34 weeks as well and just so tired and easily out of breath now. Of course it’ll all be worth it but man, it can be hard! 

evel91

I suspect I have SPD. My OB doesn't seem to know that that is, because I brought up my pubic pain and he dismissed it as something probably related to a previous coccyx injury (even tho it is very much my pubic bone that hurts, not my coccyx). I didn't know there was help for this kind of pain, do you think it's worth trying to see a chiropractor at 34 weeks?

Wishilivedinflorida

@evel91 Id seriously question my OB’s competence if they don’t know what SPD is…it’s pretty common. I’m sorry you are hurting. You could ask for a PT referral, try a support belt, or chiro. Those who I know who have done either chiro or PT say PT is more effective. The good news is it typically clears up quickly after birth. 

Also as a third time mom, this pregnancy is the worst and I’m only 12 weeks. The nausea and exhaustion are way worse than my prior pregnancies. I get SPD and pelvic girdle pain so I’m waiting for that to kick in. I may seek out PT myself. 

kh7487

I have heard so many women (on the Internet) say that their OBs dismiss this pain! It is REAL and it can be awful. I started out at PT where she gave me some exercises to do and that worked for a while. But then it got bad again and i tried a chiropractor who specializes in pregnancy. Within 5 visits I’d say, i feel zero pain. It’s amazing. I got SPD at 23 weeks and cried thinking that the lady 17 weeks of my pregnancy would be spent in pain and tears but it didn’t end up that way thankfully. The Pt also recommended a pregnancy support belt which i found helped a lot also. My chiropractor didn’t love that so i stopped using it when seeing her and still feel great. Anyway, u should def see if there’s a PT or chiro by you who specializes in womens health. Or at the very least go on Amazon and buy a support band. I hope u feel better!!!!

pharmtechbaby

I don't enjoy it.  Its a mix of anxiety and being vulnerable at all times for me.  Plus not being able to breathe anymore lol 

babylove12345678

evel91 said:

I suspect I have SPD. My OB doesn't seem to know that that is, because I brought up my pubic pain and he dismissed it as something probably related to a previous coccyx injury (even tho it is very much my pubic bone that hurts, not my coccyx). I didn't know there was help for this kind of pain, do you think it's worth trying to see a chiropractor at 34 weeks?

I am 36 weeks and I have had severe hip pain on the left side to the point I was in tears and couldn’t walk, pain was severe for weeks. It took 2 doctors appointments and I finally got a referral to the chiropractor. They kept saying it’s sciatica but it is not. It was a bit scary getting the adjustments done but my pain was 50% improved and I was sore for about a day after. I’m going in 2x more times this week. Honestly it was a god sent I didn’t know how I could go on with the pain and being unable to walk much. Every step was painful. 

paperbirdlady

More people need to talk about not loving being pregnant. But it's difficult to do so without someone immediately saying you're lucky to be fertile and should feel grateful despite all the downsides. But the downsides can be debilitating because every pregnancy is different. Pregnancy/motherhood doesn't come naturally to everyone.

I also just got a belly support band. 29 weeks FTM with suspected pelvic girdle pain. It better help because I can't imagine living with this pain for the next 3 months and then also birthing a baby at the end of that. 

ravenhairedgirl83

@paperbirdlady YES. I am nodding my head in New Hampshire.
Just yesterday, my fetal medicine doc gently said "you're one of the very lucky ones" when she reviewed my conception date. Apparently, I became pregnant 2-3 weeks after stopping the BC pills after 21 years (at 39). I get it. I know this is a hard, hard road for many. I feel very fortunate and I give thanks every single day for a healthy baby and a pretty easy/painfree pregnancy. However, the experience doesn't feel magical to me or that I'm dancing on rainbows the whole time. The science part of pregnancy fascinates me, but it has always been a means to an end for us.  

abroek1925

I hate being pregnant! I recently had a friend ask, "isn't there anything about it that you enjoy?" And I can honestly say, "no." I don't even like feeling the baby kick. It's uncomfortable and keeps me awake at night. My first pregnancy was terrible and gave me pancreatitis, and now my second pregnancy is just nausea and body aches. My husband and I always talked about having 3 kids, but I'm never doing this again. He's seen what I'm going through and is fine with this decision. And to be clear,  I love my children very much. They are worth every ache and pain. 

kden1

You’re NOT alone! I HATEEEEEE being pregnant sooooo much from start to finish. You don’t have to enjoy being pregnant It’s ok! I am soooo uncomfortable and feel like a giant whale, I hate how I look and I’m in so much pain from my massive belly on my smaller frame I hateeeeee it. BUT I LOVE being a mom so I can say from experience that just because you hate pregnancy doesn’t affect how you will feel as a mom. I’m 30 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child right now and I love my daughters more than anything in life and love being their mom. 

BUT can’t wait to get this kid OUT of me. I’m counting the days until I can finally sit up without a watermelon in my ribs. 

Pregnancy is HARD, it’s ok to not enjoy it!!!!! 

ravenhairedgirl83

@kden1 yes, girl. Thanks for the smile. "I’m counting the days until I can finally sit up without a watermelon in my ribs." 

I'm not even that big, but between my natural DDs+ and a belly that I have never had, I really do not like that feeling. I have typically always gained any extra weight in my hips/butt area, so it feels very unusual for my body to have extra all in front. I was never built like a supermodel, but still. 

heathers_oct2022

I was nauseous and fatigued through the first trimester and some of the second, and I kept saying “why can’t we just lay eggs?!” - I hated being pregnant, which many people didn’t understand and seemed a bit appalled at initially. You can like the result of something and not like the process to get there.

Once I started to feel better in the second trimester I was still unhappy with all of the body changes and emotional changes. I felt like my body isn’t mine anymore - like I don’t know it - and it’s because of this baby growing inside me that I very much want, but still dislike the process. For me I decided I needed to control something related to my body, so I started pelotoning again. Nearly everyone in my life seemed appalled by this as well, especially when I started doing strength classes, but I have one friend who worked out hard during pregnancy and my doctors agreed it’s a good idea and perfectly safe for me. My husband was very encouraging, too, knowing how working out helped me feel great pre pregnancy.

Since exercising again and creating a list of “mantras” intended to help me with pregnancy and birth I’ve actually mostly enjoyed pregnancy, even following my GD diagnosis. Some of those mantras include that my baby is my teammate and we’re in this together, and that pregnancy has already made me mentally and physically the strongest I’ve been in my life (which is true for every pregnant woman - this is hard!) Don’t get me wrong - I have my days and the GD diagnosis initially caused a lot of stress and many tears (I felt like once again I don’t have control over my body), but I’m doing my best to focus on positive thoughts and controlling what I can control.

None of this is intended to say you should or need to feel any way other than you do. This is an incredibly challenging time in life and it’s your (no one else’s) body and mind going through all of these changes - no one has the right to judge you. Just sharing what helped me to feel more comfortable with pregnancy.

babyc0op123

I don't love it, but im excited to become a mom and meet my son.  but my journey hasnt been exactly what i expected either. I had a normal first 12 weeks (aside from nausea), then started bleeding. for the next 12 weeks I was on "pelvic rest" until my hematoma went away and my placenta moved out of a previa position. then at 28 weeks I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and told I am anemic.  the GD thing didnt seem like it would be a big deal until my first appointment with the GD nurse, which was so overwhelming and terrifying i cried for like 2 days straight and felt like my baby was going to die because hes "too big".  now I can't eat anything I want to eat, and I went from not being able to exercise for the first half of my pregnancy to being told I should exercise every day for the rest of it. I went from not being able to have sex with my husband for 3 months to suddenly being told I can and now it's painful from not having sex and gives me crazy anxiety.  i have to test blood sugar after every meal and i never know what to eat.  i feel like im living off yogurt and protein bars.  I'm 31 weeks today and my entire body is stiff and sore and I feel like I have a million things to do before the baby comes.

so I don't think it's abnormal to dislike being pregnant. but when our babies arrive we'll probably forget how stressful and aggravating it was. just don't let anyone make you feel bad for having a tough time. most people are understanding when they hear about what my pregnancy has been like. no one really warns you about all the crap that can happen to you when you're pregnant.

viktraaa

I liked being pregnant. Of course, if there were no bad symptoms, it would be great!!!

sun0620

Lots of words above resonate deeply with me. I don't even like the attention that pregnancy brings. I've also had a GD diagnosis and found it almost shameful despite knowing I've done nothing wrong. I'm thrilled to meet my baby but also can be entirely honest that pregnancy and everything that comes with it are not things that bring me joy. It's a means to an end and a test of resilience. 

For what it's worth, tackling the symptoms that we can - for me it was sciatica plus an ongoing battle of indigestion/acid reflux- has helped enormously. Finding a chiro to alleviate some of the pain was a bigger mental relief than I ever expected. It freed me to take a little walk everyday and get out of bed without seizing up with pain. I hope y'all can also find a little relief somewhere! It makes a difference.  

mahalove108

I'm so sorry!  This book helped me a LOT: Real Food for Gestational Diabetes. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is as easy as possible.