November 2022 Moms

Family support

Hi all - my husband and I are excited to welcome our first child this November. The one thing that is weighing on us as we go through this major life change is that we have really no family support. His mother has cancer and is very weak, my mother has a SMI and I need to actively distance from her and my father prior to the baby arriving, and my FIL is a no. It feels like everyone around us has a village to plan their baby shower and support them in the early weeks. It makes me feel alone and sad for what we don’t have (although I do need to focus on what we do have). 

Is there anyone else out there who doesn’t really have a support system? Might help me feel less alone if I hear there are others in the same boat. 

Re: Family support

  • My first my mom didn't get here until he was already 3 weeks old. My in laws were here but left the day we came home from the hospital because my FIL needed to get back to work. I do have my bestie, but she works 60 hour weeks so it can be hard to get help from her.
    Our 2nd was better because my parents were here for the first 6 weeks, although TBH they didn't help much after watching our son while I was in the hospital.
    This go around my parents will be leaving in mid October to travel again (it's a whole thing, I'm not happy about it), my FIL is in the hospital waiting for placement in a home, MIL is going to come and try to help but she's got major mobility issues. We're basically doing it on our own =/
    Momma to 3 angels and two amazing children
    F born June 2018
    W born September 2020
    #3 due November 2022
  • @rebeccahoo12345.  My family lives across the country so my mom didn’t come until after a couple weeks with my first. My MIl lives locally and it was 2020 so things were a little strange.   I think DH and I wanted to have a little time with just the three of us to bond.   I honestly didn’t really think MIL wanted to help much more than hold the baby, which isn’t what I wanted or needed.  I just wanted someone to bring me water and cook and wash the dishes, and i wanted to hold the baby. 

    We did have a postpartum doula come a few times which was great 
    - if you can afford that I would highly recommend it.  Even with some family/support available it’s nice to have someone who is a professional, and is our fire the family, who won’t impose their opinions about how they did things back in their day.     Their job is to basically help with whatever you need. She prepped food brought me water helped with Brest feeding and helped organize baby things. It was really nice. 
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  • Biologically, all we have is my mom who is about 8 hours away so we don't see her often but we do keep in touch regularly. Both DH's parents and my dad have all passed on. I do have 2 friends who I consider sisters,  one is my neighbor the other is about 9 hours away and 3 motherly figures through my congregation who all are supportive and I'm very thankful for each of them. DH and I have learned to be each other's biggest supporters and our children's cheerleaders. . .other's aren't always going to be around or as happy about my pregnancy and childbirth as I am.
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