Scared to death

kapi99

I am about six weeks and six days. The day I found out I was pregnant, I was so happy. My husband and I have been trying and so this is planned. The next day, I felt like a car hit me and I felt this wave of anxiety starting to crush me. Now I feel so crushed and paralyzed by fear and anxiety.

Ironically, I am a labour and delivery nurse and so, I am not foreign to anything. But I feel so disconnected. I had some bleeding and because I was at work, I was able to get the doctor to perform an ultrasound and blood work. Everything on the ultrasound and blood work looked good. Not only was I able to see the babys heart beating but I also had an opportunity to hear the heartbeat. I FaceTime my husband who started crying after hearing the heartbeat. I on the other hand, felt fear and anxiety crushing me to the point that I just felt nauseous. I did not cry, I didn’t feel emotional, I just felt fear and nausea.

I feel guilty admitting that my first thought when I saw the bleeding was maybe I miscarried and a part of me felt relieved but then I feel guilty thinking that because, this baby is all I wanted.

I feel like now that it’s happening I can’t shake this feeling anxiety out of me. I feel anger and I hate talking to people about my pregnancy. They all are so excited and happy but I don’t feel the same.

Need help

meggyme

This is not average FTM worries. If it is negatively affecting your life this much please talk to your doctor about it.

knottie9d916d3e38f585a4

I’m so happy you reached out instead of trying to fight this on your own!

Please find a doctor that will be able to help you cope with what’s going on, my sister was the same way during her last pregnancy and after she spoke with someone she did a lot better! Hope you start to feel better soon mama, congrats ❤️

harpseal135

Please seek professional help.  It sounds like you have the resources at your finger tips!  If you are not comfortable seeing someone affiliated/works at your hospital then go to someone that doesn't work in your particulate hospital.

sarahh778

Oh man I completely relate! I’m also 6 weeks pregnant (panic mode). I was this so badly. I am so happy and terrified. I wish I could give you a hug. I’m an X-ray tech at a hospital—so I don’t see as much as you do related to our current situations. But I’ve seen enough pregnant women in health crisis or trauma and know too much about birth defects for my own good. I wish I knew less. It makes it harder to know all the things that could happen. You don’t even need google. Your brain is google right now. I get it.

Every time I pee, I’m afraid to check if there’s blood, but also whenever I feel a bit of discharge while I’m walking around at work , I run to go check to make sure it’s not blood!

I get upset when people talk about parenthood sometimes because I am hyper focused on making it through just the first trimester! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said today, “I just hope I make it to the end of THIS” (meaning just having the baby make it through the whole thing alive and well).

People seem to be scared of not doing a good job parenting. I only worry about not being a good enough pregnant lady. But what you are saying is everything I’m feeling. I expressed my concerns with other moms and dads that are nurses and healthcare workers. They all felt this way. One people said they told themselves, “billions of people have been born and we have been doing this forever. We are all here because our moms made it through this. And a lot more often than not, people DO make it through pregnancy with everything turning out okay”.