Losing friendships during IVF — The Bump
Infertility

Losing friendships during IVF

Hey everyone, I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced the deterioration of what you thought were close friendships during the IVF process?

I have endometriosis and a laundry list of food restrictions which already makes socializing challenging, and sometimes I can’t make it to group events because I wake up not feeling well, or the stress of what to eat when out will outweigh the enjoyment of the event (or leave me sick for days after). Add in the IVF process, having so many unknowns during egg retrieval, and just all kinds of ups and downs with hormones, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to make it to a bestie’s bachelorette party. I ended up able to go for the day (it was a weekend thing in a nearby town) but that left me exhausted. Anyways, this was months ago, and after a stint in the hospital for severe OHSS, I felt alone and totally unsupported, only to find out that this friend was upset with me for not “doing everything in my power” to support her that weekend.

In the couple months since, another “friend” in the same group has echoed that they are tired of accommodating my needs when it’s never appreciated or reciprocated (this person has literally never done anything to accommodate my food restrictions or anything else), after I decided to postpone my birthday beach day because no one was willing to change the location to somewhere a bit less far for me and with better parking.

Recently, the first friend asked me how I was feeling, and I told her honestly that I was feeling frustrated and a bit depressed for various reasons (we’ve just done a transfer) — a vulnerable share — and she read it, then never responded.

Sorry for the novel, but I’m just at a loss. I never thought these people would be so unsupportive through this process, and that I’d be losing friendships left and right. I feel really angry and unfairly judged, but also just sad and lonely. The stress of it has been 10x worse than the stress of doing IVF while also getting married and completing house renovations - wtf!!

Am I the only one who’s experienced this?

Re: Losing friendships during IVF

  • mina-pmina-p member
    I am so sorry you had to deal with such friendship loss. Unfortunately I have also experienced this in a similar way. People simple cannot understand what it feels like. And to many its an inconvenience. Many of the times people simply want friends just for the good and fun times. We don't need those kinds of friends. I say you look at this as a good thing. You truly see who's there for you, and the right people will come your way 💖
    atlgagrl
  • Thanks so much for your reply, I’m really glad to know I’m not the only one! It’s true, most people don’t understand the extent or magnitude of fertility treatments (physically, emotionally, mentally, and cost).
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  • lmhgolmhgo Newbie
    I feel this. This is such a lonely process, and many people don’t understand the chronic grief and other difficulties we feel. When I have made big shares similar to yours, some of my friends and family have either not responded or responded with comments they think are helpful but are actually hurtful and made me feel unseen. I have distanced myself from those people and am sad to do so. It sucks.
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