January 2023 Moms

Baby number 3 and my family is not too thrilled, how do I get through this?

edited July 2022 in January 2023 Moms
I found out I was pregnant one day after Mother’s Day
after being two days late for cycle, I told my fiancée that same day, he was ecstatic. He has a 6 year old from his previous relationship and I have a 3 & 6 year old from a previous relationship as well.

We waited until after our first visit for an ultrasound at 8w 3d to tell members of my family. My mother had no words. (Parents are separated) My dad was happy, my dads mother and her friends were shocked but her friends seemed more happy than she did, since it was Father’s Day when I told my father & his mother, they grilled so friends and family were over and that’s how they found out.

The problem is now my mother is going around telling her friends in this small town that we live in the “she feels indifferent” & “she doesn’t know how I’m going to do this” WHAT A WAY TO BE SUPPORTIVE RIGHT? , first of all that’s not her business to tell.. I haven’t even announced it to the world yet.. what a way to tell the whole town pretty much that you don’t support your daughter.

This is a time for me to start over, I was so excited I finally have a man that’s about something (finances, morally aligns with me, accepts me and my boys, and meshes well with my family) before I met him, I took my time I didn’t rush into my relationship, though this baby came as a surprise, how hard is it for my mother to be supportive… there’s some things you just don’t say to your daughter …

I am now 13 weeks pregnant and my dads mother makes the comment that she hopes “this is my last baby”or she will say “how many more do you want” or “you’ll just be pregnant again” .

At this point I just want to keep my baby away. I really don’t want to announce to the world because people already suspect this must not be a happy time for my family… Has anyone else experienced this?

Oh and with my two sons my from my ex my family was soooooo supportive , happy and engaged no shade was thrown or anything. I am coming out of an abusive one sided relationship of 8 years with their dad, I took the time to find myself and start over… my
Family knows this.. & this is how they act??

Re: Baby number 3 and my family is not too thrilled, how do I get through this?

  • This sounds extremely stressful, and I'm sorry you are going through this.  I would still announce - you are excited about this baby even if your family is not , and you deserve to celebrate.  Plus it will allow you to gain control of the narrative around the pregnancy and make it clear to outsiders that YOU are excited, even if your mother is not. 
    Is your partners family supportive?  If so, I would only provide updates to them, I would cut off pregnancy updates with your own family.  It may also help to come up with a canned response every time your family says something derogatory about the pregnancy.  Something along the lines of 'I'm excited about this new stage and the new baby, so I don't want want to talk about this right now',, then either change the topic or leave the space.  
  • Try to let it roll off your back. From my personal experience, it’s all talk before the baby arrives then all love once they do arrive. If she isn’t happy, her loss. Not your job to create happiness in someone else’s life. Just be happy for you, this is such a miracle!
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