January 2023 Moms

Announcing to coworker

Looking for some advice.

12 weeks pregnant now so I'm telling my manager and then sharing at work. I have a coworker who has been trying for years and she went through her last and final try with fertility treatments a month or so ago, unsuccessfully. She has been absolutely gutted as she wanted it so so much. I am heart broken for her and feel so awful that my pregnancy coincided so closely with the end of her journey. I'm struggling to figure out the best way to share the news with her. The whole team will be getting together in person in 2 weeks and I want to tell her before then so she isnt blindsided with so many people around her. Any advice on the best way to approach it with her? I don't even know if it should be an email (super impersonal but gives her space to react as she needs to) or in a video meeting (more personal but don't want her to feel put on the spot).

Re: Announcing to coworker

  • Absolutely do not tell her in person. It isn’t fair to make her feign happiness for you. Do it in an email so she can process on her own time.
  • 100% as someone on the other side of this send her a text now so she has ample time to process before your big announcement 
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  • I went through infertility for 7 years before this miracle baby. I told one coworker, and she mentioned that another coworker just had a miscarriage, and she had another miscarriage just before our other coworker announced her pregnancy last year. I don't know if infertility is in her story or just loss, but I wanted to be sensitive.

    I know loss, infertility, and grief. I know what it's like to feel like you've been punched in the gut when someone announces their pregnant, how the tears sometime just flow without warning, and how you have to manage your own feelings and your public reaction to the news. Absolutely do not tell your coworker in person, in a video meeting, on the phone, or when she's at work. I sent my coworker a text on a weekend when her husband was likely to be around and she would have time to process privately before seeing me again. I also told her when I was planning to tell the rest of the office so she could choose to not be there if she wanted. Email works just as well, or even better, since you don't necessarily read emails when you're out and about, but you may read your texts. Give her permission to not be excited/happy for you; she may be, but she may need space. Another tip- do not talk about pregnancy or baby things around her unless she asks; just like you wouldn't talk about your wedding planning with someone you're not inviting, give her a pass from those conversations.
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