SCARED - Newly single, 30, newly pregnant

mss321

I broke up with my boyfriend about 2 weeks ago. We were together for 7 years but it had gotten to be really unmanageable. Constant arguing. He was controlling. And I did not see us sincerely progressing on the direction I would have liked... Marriage, kids, full life together (we weren't even living together. I'm 30 years old and he is 42. This break up was a long time coming but still extremely hard. We have still been talking and cordial. I have not told him yet but plan to once over had a little more time to process.

I planned to spend this time getting to know myself again and focusing on personal growth. My relationship was pretty toxic. I was 23 and in grad school the last time I was single. But I just found out I'm about 6 weeks pregnant.

My mind is all over the place. I have always wanted kids. I've been envious of others who are pregnant or started their families. But never thought this would be how it happened for me. I'm scared and feel unprepared. At the age of 30 and no idea when I'll find myself in another relationship to have the chance to try to get pregnant and build a family the way I would like, I worry that I could end up regretting a decision to not go through with the pregnancy. I understand that people have kids all the time who weren't planned and circumstances weren't perfect. Part of me is worried about feeling embarrassed about being pregnant under these circumstances and what people will think. And to be honest, part of me is also worried that being pregnant and single at the age of 30 will cause me not to be able to find the partner/relationship I still want for myself. I already feel undesirable for other reasons (being overweight, anxious, and not super social).

knottie6389cfd5c91848ed

I’m sorry that you feel scared, but I’m glad you’re out of a relationship that you feel was toxic. Relationships don’t work when one person wants to control the other, and it’s unfortunate that your ex felt the need to be controlling.
I myself am about to be a single mother. I’m 30 weeks along. What I’ve come to realize is creating a baby takes two, but raising one doesn’t necessarily have to. You are stronger than you think, and this baby is already dependent on you.
I understand that you’re worried this will lessen your chances for a new relationship, but if someone isn’t willing to get to know you because of your circumstance, then they really aren’t worth being with anyway. And I can guarantee that when you hold that little baby in your arms, you’ll find your relationship with your little one to be way more valuable than any romantic relationship. A new guy will come along when the time is right, and you’ll know it because he’ll love you regardless of your circumstance, and he’ll be willing to support both you and your little one.

knottie6c5fc850ad9e7eb3

Hi,
I am going through a similar situation. I’m 8 weeks pregnant. I’m 28 my ex boyfriend is 43. He already has a daughter from his previous relationship. He broke up with me because all I asked was for him to set some boundaries. The relationship was toxic. I discovered he still constantly texts his daughter’s mom about things not related to his daughter. For example, if she wants anything, she vents about her mom to him, he vents to her about stuff happening to him. He said he’s never going to stop because his daughter is well adjusted. I contemplated moving forward with the pregnancy as well. But I think I would regret more missing an opportunity to have my baby regardless of him. I also worry about how I will have a relationship in the future. Or if I will have time. I’ve been extremely anxious as well.

knottie6cc785eae073a300

Hi,
I'm 31. I was seeing a guy for over a year not seriously and he has never met my family. I'm 18 weeks pregnant and he pretty immediately had chosen not to be in the picture. I was actually having a convo with my mom today about how I'm grieving what I thought being pregnant would feel like for me. I always wanted kids, I had a gender reveal and it felt lonely to be standing there alone although surrounded by family, I haven't posted about it, I got my mom to tell pretty much all of my relatives because I didn't want to answer questions and I'm not 100% happy in my pregnancy. I don't know any single parents, I'm the first of my friends to get pregnant and I lay awake at night wondering how I'll explain to my child that her dad is out of the picture. I know I'll be a good mom, my baby is loved and I have a good support system. It is what it is. It feels weird to be grieving what I thought my life would look like and not having a partner but, I'm gaining more than I'll ever lose. You've been out of the dating scene for a while and I've been in it for years and also curvy, but there are lots of single parents and guys okay with kids. It's hard not having a partner to share my pregnancy with and turn to for support and I'm lonely at times, but we will meet someone and that part of our lives will work out.

babyian09

Hi powerful women! I want to share my own experience, maybe will help you in this new journey. I broke up with my boyfriend before I found out that I was pregnant. He accepted a new job abroad and we decided that our relationship is not strong enought to move together in another country. After we found out I m expecting, we wanted to give it another try, but the idea of "stay together for the kid" was not ideal for us and he told me to make an abortion because he doesnt want to become a father in this way. But I decided to keep my child and to become a single mom. So my entire pregnancy, from 7 weeks till 39 weeks I was alone. At first it was hard because of the emotional and hormonal rollercoster, but once I accepted my situation, I really enjoyed my pregnancy - I was happy to experience such transformative moments. I had my dog, my friends and my family supporting me with kindness and evenings with beer with 0% alcohol. The "village" was important, but even more important was my own support and love for me. The father of my child was gone and we were not in contact, but when the due date was close I write him a message and he was willing to get involved. In November my baby boy was born. He is amazing and I m really happy - for the first time in my life. I was scared before because all the media focus on the hard part of being a single mom, but now I realize that all You need is a good mindset and acceptance of what it is. And of course a stable financial situation. This is not debatable. I am a independent woman with a good profession and I can handle the huge expences a child brings. And about the father involvment, well... this I keep in my mind like being optional, because I really dont know what he will do in the future. For now he is asking every single day about his son, but he is not in the same country so he is not present in his life and i m trying to build a non-conflictual relationship with him for the sake of my boy. And I enjoy the motherhood full option!! The "single mom" status doesn't have to be a permanent one, but the "mom" status is, so enjoy it!