Embarrassed / scared about second thoughts

azchi

Wondering if this has happened to anyone else. As I get ready for retrieval on Tuesday I feel like I am having second thoughts. It started like 7 days into stim. Part of me says defense mechanism to prepare myself for let down as I only have 3 follicles. The other side says you rushed into IVF because you were you couldn't do something yourself and were running out of time (40 yo, DOR). Then I romanticize if it comes back negative we will just lead great dink lives. I feel like a bad mom already.

ttc3y

You’re not a bad mom. Ambivalence, opposing thoughts/ desires, and anxiety can be part of the journey. I told myself that I would regret not doing everything I can to have a child (I started the IVF journey late too at 38yo). And if I tried my very best regardless of the outcome, I would choose to have a very fulfilling life with or without kids. 

Part of my emotional survival through the subfertility process was seeing the joys and benefits of living a DINK life and it emotionally protected me. That mental state worked until I was preparing for the FET transfer and had to switch my mental state to fully desiring children. I wish you the very best on your fertility journey. Hang in there ❤️

brooklyn7476

The whole process is so complicated and hard, I think it’s perfectly understandable to think it would be nice and easy if you just didn’t do it. I agree, I think it’s healthy and okay to know you would still have a pleasant life without kids. That just means you have two good options.

dani_banani

All we can do is, well, what we do. You’re not a bad mom or a bad person. Anxiety is real and it can be really debilitating at times.
But it’s important to remember that not everything is in our control. I have to remind myself of that a lot.
Control what you can, and anything out of your control are things you have to leave to the universe, doctors, etc.
Wishing you the best on your journey and remember that you’re not alone ❤️