A close relative lost and their 2 kids, between ages 0-2. They are in foster care & looking for an adoptive family. I know the chances of them being adopted together are very low (They already mentioned separating them) & even separated they could still be in the system for years before being adopted. Ive seen first hand how terrible it all can be & do not want these sweet kids to have to go through that. My husband & I would love to adopt them but we already have 1,3 and 5 year old toddler boys. I have had all 5 of them together quite often & besides small arguments between the youngest 2 girls & my 3 year old they generally get along well.

A few issues I am worried about are:

• The chance that they might endanger my toddlers - They are very sweet kids & their temperaments have improved dramatically since being in foster care but they have been somewhat aggressive in the past.
• Space - We own a 3 bedroom home currently but are searching for a larger house. DHS said they may be able to make an exception since we are relatives. The girls would still have more space than they ever have before.

My husband has a good job & we have good health insurance so financially we may need to be a little more frugal but it shouldn’t cause any problems. We have always wanted to adopt a sibling group but ideally younger than our biological children and once we have bought a larger house & farm. Are we crazy for wanting to do this? Do you think it would be a good or bad idea for our family?

I would love to hear input especially from adoptive parents, adoptive siblings & adoptees!

[email protected]


  • You might want to remove your personal contact information from this for internet safety.
    DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
  • I'm a foster parent. I'm surprised they couldn't place two young ones together! In our state, the requirements are more lax for kin (space requirements, etc.) AND the department has funding if you need to make small changes to get up to code (changing a window, maybe some construction to turn another living space into a bedroom, etc.). For their statistical purposes, being adopted by kin counts as "reunification" since the child ends up with bio family, so they're motivated to place with kin as much as possible.

    Also, at least in my state, as long as you're fostering and adopting through the state and not independently, you're given a daily stipend for the children in your care, plus a clothing allowance, diaper allowance if they're still in diapers, free healthcare with no copays, and free childcare if you and your spouse are both working. Most of that can continue after adoption, but it is something that is negotiated as part of the adoption process (you may lose the clothing allowance, but you can still get a daily stipend, free healthcare, childcare, and in many states the kids qualify for free college). So financially, be aware of those things; the addition costs are also covered, so adopting through the foster system is little to no financial hardship (many people in my state find the stipend more than covers the increased cost of adding a child to your family, but each state has their own rates).

    For kids who are adopted, being with family is best, so if you can take them, they'll likely be better off psychologically in the long run. They've been through trauma and therapy can be very helpful and can address some of the aggression. If you're really concerned about safety, talk to a professional about safety planning for your kids- if you have a plan in place to keep your kids safe, you'll probably be more comfortable with that aspect. And right now they're little, so it shouldn't be too difficult. If you're wanting to adopt anyway, it sounds like now is a good time. HOWEVER, the main reason kids are "in the system" for years is not because there's no adoptive family available (especially for that age!) but because the state is obligated to do everything possible to try to get kids back with their parents. There will be visits with bio parents, court dates, meetings, etc. for you to go to/facilitate while that process is happening. As long as the parents are trying, it drags out the process. So it may be years before they're free for adoption and they may end up back with their parents. If you're jumping into the world of foster care, be prepared to support reunification unless and until the parents rights are terminated.
  • Loading the player...
  • myling1975myling1975 Just Joined
    I am so sorry for the situation. I can understand how difficult this decision must be. I hate the whole foster care process of splitting up siblings that's not right. We have a 15 yr old son and have always wanted more children but I had an emergency hysterectomy after my son was born and regular adoption channels are very expensive. I am a stay at home mom and my husband is a manager at Burger King. If you find that you need help with the kids because you have small ones, we would love to help. We live in Kentucky but if you decide to bring the children home to get them out of the system, we could adopt them from you or you could give us guardianship and power of attorney and we would definitely make sure you see them and have updates and visits with them. I know it sounds odd but I just hate stories like this. My son has always wanted to be a big brother. If this sounds like something that will help you guys. Please email me at [email protected]. If not that's fine. God bless and good luck.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards