PGAL Check-in 6/16

breadit124

Hi all, is it okay for me to start this week's PGAL thread? I noticed it hadn't been posted today but I just joined the board so apologies if this is against the rules. 

*** TW: Loss will be mentioned throughout this thread (without TWs on individual posts). Please read with caution and care  ***

How far along are you?

What is your loss history (if you'd like to share it)?

Do you have any upcoming milestones?

How are you feeling?

Any questions or concerns?

breadit124

How far along are you?
7w2d

What is your loss history (if you'd like to share it)?

Two miscarriages last year (both 7-8 weeks) and a chemical in January. Before that, two healthy pregnancies

Do you have any upcoming milestones?

Even though both of my miscarriages happened before any genetic issues could be found in an NIPT, for some reason getting to 10w and being able to get the test back feels like the only real milestone I'm looking forward to. I saw the heartbeat today and it was strong, which made me feel so confident in my first two pregnancies. But then my first loss (third pregnancy) was after a heartbeat had been found. Now I don't know when to stop worrying.  

How are you feeling?

My first two pregnancies were so straightforward, I feel sort of lost being pregnant now after having miscarriages. Every time I get good news, like finding out I was pregnant or today seeing the heartbeat, it feels like my initial emotion isn't excitement about this pregnancy but sadness about the two I lost (the chemical was so early on it doesn't feel the same to me as the later ones.) I know this baby can't tell what I'm feeling or thinking about, but I think it deserves my happiness not the baggage of the pregnancies before this. 

Any questions or concerns?
Not specifically. This was probably a lot for my first post other than the intro thread. Thanks for reading. Best wishes to everyone, PGAL or not. 

zamoraspin

@breadit124 Welcome! Definitely fine to start this or any other thread. The only organizational “rule” is to try to start threads that apply generally to the group as opposed to one person (with some exceptions). 

PGAL is hard. All of your feelings are valid. I wish there was some magic or milestone that would make you feel totally at ease. And maybe there will be, but there also may not be. I had four losses before my pregnancy with DS. I did gradually get less stressed and anxious. Feeling him move helped. But I also was the pregnant person who never missed a kick count, and once made DH take me to OB emergency in the middle of the night because DS wasn’t moving (honestly, it’s always the right call, he was fine as soon as they put monitors on him he moved like crazy, better safe than sorry). Even now I’m a somewhat anxious mom. Idk, maybe I would have been that way no matter what. 

sparklingdiamond

How far along are you? 10w3d

What is your loss history (if you'd like to share it)? Chemical, miscarriage, 32 week stillbirth

Do you have any upcoming milestones? The 12 week appt is a big one for me.  It's when they first picked up Jasmine's CDH.  That appt will be on the 30th for me.

How are you feeling? I did an elective after hours ultrasound at my OB office yesterday because 5 weeks in between appts was just too much.  I was so afraid there would be no heartbeat when I went in.  Thankfully everything looked great and right on track.  But now the 12 week u/s looms ahead of me with the MFM and I'm so anxious about it.

Any questions or concerns? No, just the normal PAL anxiety.

@breadit124 PAL is so hard. It's so hard to be happy/excited at things when you have a loss history.  You want to be so hopeful, but are so cautious too.  Sending a big hug your way.