PGAL Check-In 6/9

sparklingdiamond

Starting this selfishly since I am really struggling this week.  

*** TW: Loss will be mentioned throughout this thread (without TWs on individual posts). Please read with caution and care  ***

How far along are you?

What is your loss history (if you'd like to share it)?

Do you have any upcoming milestones?

How are you feeling?

Any questions or concerns?

sparklingdiamond

How far along are you?  I am 9w2d

What is your loss history (if you'd like to share it)? I have had a chemical pregnancy, miscarriage, and a 32 week stillbirth

Do you have any upcoming milestones? The 12 week appt is a milestone for me.  That is when they first picked up the CDH with our daughter who was stillborn.  I have so much anxiety about it.

How are you feeling? I am really struggling with anxiety this week.  I had myself convinced yesterday the baby is gone and that the heart rate was too low at 7 weeks because so many on this group had higher rates.  But the doctor and tech didn't express concern about it.  I went down the google rabbit hole yesterday.

Any questions or concerns? How are you handling the anxiety of PAL?

zamoraspin

@sparklingdiamond I’m so sorry for what you must have gone through so far. I hope your 12w scan will be reassuring. Do you do a nuchal translucency? I’m trying to decide whether to ask for one with this pregnancy. Our daughter Charlie’s septated cystic hygroma was discovered at our NT scan. I never had an NT with my son as my OB usually feels NIPT and anatomy are enough for diagnosis. If I do an NT with this pregnancy I’ll have to go back to the MFMs office which holds a lot of difficult memories. 

On your question re being PAL - back in January I started doing therapy and taking medication. We lost our twins in November of 2021 and I was still crying all the time, anxious and depressed. I had decided I wanted to try again once we finished all our medical testing but was afraid I would be crippled by anxiety. It has really helped. Recently my therapist recommended a podcast to listen to - it was "Fear: Get me Out of Here" on More Than a Feeling by Ten Percent Happier. It discusses methods of dealing with situations that have previously traumatized us. I listened to it ahead of my first u/s and found a strategy that has really helped with my ultrasound related PTSD.

How far along are you? 7w4d

What is your loss history (if you'd like to share it)? 4 first trimester losses, loss of mo/di twins at 17.5 weeks.

Do you have any upcoming milestones? Not really. I think we will graduate from the RE next week.

How are you feeling? Ok. Better than expected most of the time. Ultrasounds can be very hard as all my losses were discovered via ultrasound except my CP. The coping strategies I’ve been working on have really helped take it to a manageable level. 

Any questions or concerns? Like I mentioned above I’m trying to decide whether to ask for an NT. My OB will refer me for one if I ask but I’m not sure he’ll suggest it otherwise. 

sparklingdiamond

@zamoraspin Yes I think the MFM will be doing it when I go later this month.  I basically asked if I could please be referred to an MFM again this time (we moved states so I have all new doctors) because I wanted more monitoring.  I think the OB will do the actual blood draw for NIPT but the MFM will do the NT.  I know a lot of doctors seem to not think they are necessary anymore, but I'm like give me everything.  I don't know why but it feels like me being in control somehow even though I know I'm not.  I can completely understand not wanting to go back to the MFM though.  Is it possible for you to go to a different MFM?

I will check out that podcast thank you!