Constantly Getting Shammed

kelsnvin

From the start of my pregnancy I wanted to have my baby via C-section. I have a few reasons for this, one of my big ones is that I live in East Jesus no where and am an hour 30 + away from the hospital (during rush hours forget it all together). I don't want to give birth on the side of the road. I'm the type of person who likes to have a plan and be pro-active. With a planned induction, I was told that they still want to check your dilation and have it be at a certain point, you can't actually pick a day and have that be your day.

So, I don't think I'm a monster for not wanting to go a more natural route. I actually always try to be reasonable and like to consider myself reasonable. My point of view is really that hospitals are cleaner and safer than mile marker 12 to deliver a baby - that's just how I feel.

Well, yes, I've been told that I'm a monster. I've been asked, "How could I do that to my baby?" and I'm hormonal anyway, and it hurts. The things said to me hurt so bad that I've started being mad at myself, depressed and I don't know what to do anymore. Here I thought I was trying to do what was best for my baby and people are telling me that I am cold and don't care about my baby.

I guess the real question is, plan or not to plan. I just want to be able to sleep at night while I'm not sleeping at night a peeing.

coldlife2

No, people should not be shaming you or calling you a terrible person, and no, you’re not a monster.

I do think you may not be thinking this through clearly. Doctors generally don’t encourage (and should not encourage) elective CS for no medical reason. All else being equal, a CS is much riskier than a natural birth. They’ve become so common that people don’t think it’s a big deal, but it’s a major abdominal surgery. Also, lots of insurance will not cover an elective CS. As far as hospitals being cleaner and safer than the side of the road, I suppose it really depends on your perspective. I personally know a person who delivered on the side of the road. She’s fine. Her baby is fine. According to my midwives, assuming you’re low risk, babies that come quickly are typically just fine. 

Honestly, I’m not so concerned for your baby going this route, I’m more concerned for you! You’re the one who’d be voluntarily undergoing major abdominal surgery, and that’s a big deal. Have you talked to your doctor at all about this? 

kelsnvin

I truly appreciate your reply! I'll be seeing my doctor for my 28 week appointment next week and I would like to talk to her then. I guess I am a slightly higher risk with gestational diabetes, but I think I am managing it well with the diet plan they gave me. I guess one of my growing concerns for the side of the road is that my baby might be larger than average from the diabetes and I'm worried he could get suck. I guess, truthfully, all I do is worry - about everything! I am trying to work on it. Mostly I'm trying to tell myself that just because family members delivered very quickly doesn't mean that I will and I could still make it to the hospital with no issues.

Thank you again for talking to me about this; I've really been having a hard time.

coldlife2

kelsnvin said:

I truly appreciate your reply! I'll be seeing my doctor for my 28 week appointment next week and I would like to talk to her then. I guess I am a slightly higher risk with gestational diabetes, but I think I am managing it well with the diet plan they gave me. I guess one of my growing concerns for the side of the road is that my baby might be larger than average from the diabetes and I'm worried he could get suck. I guess, truthfully, all I do is worry - about everything! I am trying to work on it. Mostly I'm trying to tell myself that just because family members delivered very quickly doesn't mean that I will and I could still make it to the hospital with no issues.

Thank you again for talking to me about this; I've really been having a hard time.

From what I know, the “treatment” for GD is typically not going straight to a CS but rather going with an induction around 37-38 weeks. But if you are managing it well, you don’t even medically need that. I don’t know how all state rules work, but women with GD in my state are actually allowed to deliver out of hospital (meaning no inductions or CS unless something goes really haywire in delivery and they’re transferred to the hospital) if they’re able to manage their GD without meds. Not saying that’s you, but GD isn’t quite as bad of a scary monster as we like to think it is. 

Also, you said “With a planned induction, I was told that they still want to check your dilation and have it be at a certain point, you can't actually pick a day and have that be your day”. What kind of induction were you asking about? Because my understanding is that’s not the case for things like GD or other medical situations for needing the baby out sooner. 

As far as the baby getting stuck, most women will not grow a baby their body can’t deliver. True cephalopelvic disproportion is quite rare. If you’re under the care of your doctor, and you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing to manage your GD (whether that’s insulin, diet, or whatever), I personally wouldn’t worry about that too much.