Group Status

kboydbowman

Ok, I think it's time to start discussing this, since we have largely gotten our core group.  Please be aware that NOTHING is being decided right now, we're just going to start talking about options and timelines.  That being said, what are your thoughts about moving to a private group versus staying on The Bump, and when do we move if we move?  Obviously more than one of these might be okay for some of ya'll, so just pick your favorite option.

Please feel free (be encouraged even!) to discuss the options and the pros/cons in the comments.

babywiik

We can totally do a private bump group but it feels like an unnecessary step. I understand though if others would rather move to a private bump group in case something happens early on and they don't want to share on here where it's public.

kboydbowman

@babywiik I would definitely prefer to just go to Facebook whenever we go, but I tried to make the poll reflective of all the options

wiseh

Oh no I voted on the wrong thing & now I can’t undo it 😩 I voted for private bump but I meant to do Facebook. 

We made my previous bump Facebook group private so you could only join if were accepted and nobody can see what’s posted in it, then when everyone was in we changed it to secret so you can’t even see the group and who’s in it. 

jhysmath

I picked private bump group and then would like private Facebook group, only because that's how both of my other groups did it. We moved to Facebook right before the first babies were born though the result early ones came before that. 

I liked that it kept things bump organized for a bit longer without the Facebook algorithms to deal with. It also helped us weed out some people who became "different" once we went private. I don't see that happening here, but I didn't know it could happen there. I'll go wherever the group decides though. 

laj0217

I lose too much time to Facebook already, and am considering deleting it before the baby - I don’t post on Facebook, just mindlessly scroll. My preference would be to stay here, but I’ll give consideration to whatever the group decides. 

jhysmath

@laj0217 I got rid of my real Facebook and find I'm better at not scrolling as much because I don't have any "friends" on it. I use it for the groups which are really helpful in the 4th trimester when you think you're the only one going through something and need some support or ideas. 

laj0217

@jhysmath makes sense. I’ll probably try whatever the group decides, and if it doesn’t work for me, I’ll probably just fade out 🤷🏻‍♀️ Maybe I’ll be surprised. 

newbabymama27

I personally will not continue in a public forum for very long, especially once the baby comes. I’m sure you all know how creepy and predatory some people are on the internet and I would never feel comfortable sharing pictures of myself or my kids in a public forum like this, as well as anything in regards to where I live, where I work, etc etc. 

In terms of Facebook vs The Bump. I prefer the private Bump group because we can organize it the same way we organize it now by threads and such, which is what our 10ish moms from Dec 2019 are still using every day. I don’t know what I’d do without those ladies. There was another group that broke off to Facebook and didn’t tell many people at first 😅 and eventually welcomed the rest of us when the bump was glitching for a few days but in our case it kind of died down. Nobody posts regularly so it’s just an occasional Christmas picture, Halloween picture, nothing too personal, etc. I’m certainly not saying that’ll happen here, but that is my fear. 

AAAAALL of that to say, if the majority prefers Facebook, I won’t fight it and will join anyways since it’ll be private and that’s my main concern 😊 and maybe some of you are just way better at organizing Facebook and it’ll work better so I’m all for it! 

ETA: in terms of timing, would prefer before baby is born… so anytime now lol. 

kboydbowman

@newbabymama27
I think w/FB it's all about who's in the group.  My Oct. 2020 FB group started with 30 of us.  24 are still active, and we have an average of 5 to 10 posts a week that people comment on regularly.  We're pretty involved with each other.

newbabymama27

@kboydbowman that’s really good and I would definitely enjoy that so I’m all in if others are in! 

babywiik

I didn't have Facebook before but join specifically for my last bump group. I've since joined a few other groups (sewing and baby wearing) but don't have any "friends" and keep everything pretty closed down. Our Facebook group from nov20 isn't searchable so it was by invite only. We're not as active as we once were but definitely still weekly random threads, hump day bump day threads and occasionally others.

pangolindrome

I vote Facebook but don’t care when. Before the baby comes would be my request.

mnmomma84

I voted private Bump group, but really I'll likely stick around for whatever the group decides. I'm not very active on FB and tend to not post much, have been considering deactivating my account. But, I can be persuaded to stick around a bit longer if that's where the group moves to. 

trapperkeeper87

I would like a private Bump group for at least a month or so to get a little more comfortable in a private setting, and then go to a secret Facebook group. Facebook has been a godsend for my Oct 2019 group because we've had several major events happen to some of the mommies (I was one of them). Facebook makes it easy to get a messenger group started to support those moms without the mom needing to see what we're planning and raise money for them (we've raised several thousand dollars in a year and a half for moms in our group in need).

There are 29 of us, and easily 25 are active. We have a Randoms post nearly every day, a Little One Wednesday post, a massive meme thread (much more manageable than having a funnies thread each week), a Wordle thread, a TTC/Pregnancy thread, and milestone threads (2 year appointment thread, a potty training thread, things like that). Anyone starts the thread when they actually have something to contribute to it, and you respond if you want. Having fewer threads makes it more personal and keeps it more active because conversations aren't happening in 6,738 different threads. During the first year and a half, we also had active Question Threads and Breastfeeding Threads. After that time they became less active naturally, and it works well for us.

blanket_girl

I really dislike Facebook and find social media’s degree of intrusion in our lives pretty concerning- so I try to use it as little as possible. I would vote for the private bump group, but I might follow if we decided Facebook- I would have to cross that bridge when we came to it! 

bigworldlittleg

I am fully on board with whatever the group chooses (any forum/time frame is fine by me)! Here's another option that I found online that may be enticing to those who a) dislike/don't use Facebook, and b) dislike The Bump community due to bugginess and lack of features. Just another option, and won't be offended at all if nobody likes the idea 

It's a free forum called Pro Boards. Here is the list of features (click Full Feature List to see everything): https://www.****/free-forum-features

It does look kind of old school, and it's not totally clear if it can be private. But again - just an alternative!!

trapperkeeper87

@bigworldlittleg That link doesn't seem to work. This is what you shared: https://www.****/free-forum-features

lucyg00cy

I don’t mind Facebook. I think that’s an easier place to be able to stay in touch with everyone both pre and post-birth, but I’m also open to whatever the group decides. 

If it helps anyone else- I have timers set for my social media so that I don’t spend anymore than 45 minutes a day son any platform (combined time- not on each). It’s really helped me focus when I am on the apps so I don’t just kicked sky scroll.

mk2022x

I don’t really care. I have a FB that I never use but it does exist nonetheless.

bigworldlittleg

@trapperkeeper87 ugh, whenever I paste the link it changes after I post it. Clearly that means the site is spammy. So disregard my post all!!!

pangolindrome

I won’t be posting pictures wherever we go, it’s all about staying in touch for me. Hubbs and I both agree our kid stays off social media.

trapperkeeper87

pangolindrome said:

I won’t be posting pictures wherever we go, it’s all about staying in touch for me. Hubbs and I both agree our kid stays off social media.

I post very few pictures to Facebook of my daughter, but I do share openly in my Facebook Bump group. That said, I absolutely respect that view that people have. It's very admirable! 

jhysmath

@pangolindrome I'm the she as @trapperkeeper87 I don't share my kids on Facebook (I don't have any friends or family so no one to share with) but I do with my bump groups. I will say I also do share on ig but that's private she I have very few "friends" just an easy place to collect photos, and people don't comment and can't easily "save" the photo (my mother and MIL did this all the time on Facebook and it drove me crazy). 

laj0217

@pangolindrome we’re the same! We’ve told family as well. Still working out how strict we want to be if a grandparent posts a picture here or there. Any thoughts on that? 

puppiesandbabies

I prefer a move to a private group. I’m open to whatever the group decides on venue and timeframe. I personally don’t share as much on here now because it’s a public forum. I’d feel a bit more secure speaking more openly in a secured space.

foreveronyourside

I would like a little more secure group as well I created a very very limited Facebook that I only have immediate family on… but happy to come back  to TB and answer questions and still help in anyway I can 

puzzlehead11

I like the idea of a private bump group, and Facebook would work for me too! 

jhysmath

@laj0217 my mom respects our wishes of keeping pictures of the kids off Facebook. My MIL shares anything my husband shares (which is like 3 times a year) on her non private Facebook and it drives me bonkers. My husband I guess told her it's OK she can be grandma and share things on Facebook, and she told him that I don't want her to, so he told me I should tell her she can... Still haven't done that and it's been likely 6 months. She doesn't need to share photos of my kids. Especially the ones that we're talking because she doesn't live here. 

I have less of a problem with my aunt sharing photos because she shares photos of a party or something and my kids are just in the mix. My MIL would share photos of my kids in the tub and not see any issue in that. 

laj0217

@jhysmath I know my family will respect the request - a few of them have the same rule. It’s more the in laws. I’m thinking just let my husband deal with his family? I actually think he’ll be tougher on them. He got upset that his mom mentioned a future grandchild on Facebook - no names or anything, just like enjoying Easter with my grandchildren and excited for 1 more. I had no problem with that but he called his mom and said edit it lol. 

trapperkeeper87

For those not wanting to do Facebook (absolutely to each their own, because I completely get the hate of that platform), one of the biggest things that turns me off about the Bump is that you can't edit or delete a post after 24 hours, so if you post something sensitive and don't realize it, it's nearly impossible to get it removed. That, and searching for posts is difficult on mobile. And while I'm fairly strict about my privacy online, I hate not being able to put true faces and lives with the people behind the name. Facebook gives me a little more security because I can actually tell you're a real person and not a creep who is just pretending.

jhysmath

@laj0217 it would have made me angry, but my husband and I are the only ones having grandchildren for her (my BIL is a 50 year old always bachelor who only wants to be an uncle) and everyone would know it was us. We didn't announce my second being born until we canceled our summer party due to covid and said we didn't want that around our new baby. 

newbabymama27

@laj0217 it sounds like your husband is pretty tough about that so it shouldn’t be a problem if he deals with it (as is my husband) but I feel like if mine was a softie that was afraid of his mom, I’d step in and make it veeeerry clear what our rules are on that. I feel like this is a very serious topic so if you feel strongly about it, it needs to be made clear. 

My in laws don’t post on social media, my MIL only uses messenger for our family group for us to share pictures with them and occasionally she messages friends through messenger too. Never makes public posts. My mom is the same way and my dad doesn’t even have FB. So I feel like I’m lucky in that way. I told them if they’d like to share pictures with aunts, cousins, grandparents etc they can send privately through a text/WhatsApp/etc

bigworldlittleg

Regarding baby photos - my SIL used Tinybeans when her daughter was born. She posted photos to a photo journal in her account (which was private) and only people she provided access to could see the photos. I got an email whenever she added new photos, which was very convenient! I'm sure it was an easy way for her to share photos with family and friends without doing a bunch of group texts. I plan on using it for our baby as well!

laj0217

@bigworldlittleg I’ll have to check that out!

Yeah, it’s less about safety (our social media is pretty locked down) and more about consent for us. We want our child to create their own identity and be comfortable with what’s out in the world about them. So, we will limit what we share. Neither of us are against social media and both have accounts, but We don’t post very much at all. I use mine mainly for the neighborhood Facebook page and buy nothing group. My husband only has one because his work has a private group they post notices on.

Im definitely the “nice one” in our pairing lol. My husband is not nearly as close to his family as I am to mine, and with covid, I just really haven’t gotten to know them well enough where I feel comfortable correcting them on something. I think Y’all have the right idea and that can stay his job!

bigworldlittleg

@laj0217 I totally agree with you on the consent aspect! Even as a tiny newborn, they have a right to privacy. And especially with Facebook - with all the algorithms used to determines habits/likes/interests and selling data - posting a ton of photos/updates about your child as they grow inevitably creates a virtual "identity" for them. Creepy!!

rebornlotus

I'm fine with anything private

pangolindrome

@laj0217 If I don’t post, I don’t want anyone else in my family doing it either is my personal opinion. There is no “need” to post anything on social media. We have text groups and that, and that’s all.

chelsraec

I’m for what Everyone decides is best.  I find FB easier to stay on top of with notifications. I am not so active in the FB group for my 2020 baby, but sometimes check it for helpful advice. I don’t post pictures of my daughter either. Totally understand peoples concerns. It’s super nice to see other people dealing with the same newborn issues and get solutions for struggles in the beginning days when you’re just scrambling to keep a baby thriving!

lilienne

I don't love the idea of a facebook group, but I would probably come along if that's where folks prefer to be. I actually like the anonymity of theBump, but I understand why some folks feel otherwise. I'm going to abstain from voting as I don't have strong opinions either way.

melyrae

@lilienne has expressed EXACTLY how I feel!