October 2022 Moms
EmilyE13
member
Hi PGAL moms. In light of the interest in resurrecting the PGAL check-ins and since we lost a fellow Oct 22 member to MC just recently, I wanted to create our check-in before the month is over.
Pregnant After Loss (PGAL) Check-In April
EmilyE13
member
**Note: TW for entire thread due to discussion of MC and loss.**
Feel free to put milestones, big appointments, questions, worries, loss anniversaries, or anything else on your mind here.
Re: Pregnant After Loss (PGAL) Check-In April
I am 14w5d today and this stretch has been my longest without a medical check-in/scan (a little over a month). As symptoms decrease due to second trimester and I'm still not showing I've been pretty anxious for my next appointments to come and hear everything is okay. I was looking forward to a lot of social distractions this month, but my doctor advised me to cancel plans including large indoor gathering as a COVID precaution so I've had a lot more time to sit and think all my anxious thoughts.
How is everyone else doing? How are you staying distracted or just positively focused?
I was not like this with my previous three babies. Even my second one which was a threatened miscarriage wasn't this bad emotionally for me. I had twice weekly ultrasounds and by the time I stopped bleeding she was kicking so I had that reassurance. Nothing is making me feel better. I LOOK pregnant but I don't FEEL pregnant. Like this is all some elaborate joke my body is playing on me. I will be discussing this with my doctor because she's been very understanding but the nurses have to deal with all the calls about this and aren't very understanding.
Now if only I could just stop bleeding that would be great....
I feel the same way - that at some I'm going to have to break the news to everyone that things didn't work out. i have no reason to believe that, things have been going fine this pregnancy, but I can't escape that anxiety. I have a couple of friends who are also pregnant and I get so angry/jealous that they're able to just enjoy it and plan and look forward to the baby coming.
The due date of my first miscarriage is the second week of May. I'm already dreading it but I'm hoping I'll feel more consistent movement between now and then. It's going to be rough the next few months. Each miscarriages due date is a month after the previous except for July (May, June, August, and September). Those dates are ingrained into me. I'm hoping I'll be able to keep myself busy. I can't bring myself to trust that this is going to be okay
I am doing ok. I lost my son at 16 weeks from a placental abruption. I am currently 15 weeks so this is a high stress time frame for me.
I have been getting weekly u/s which has been nice to have the reassurance. In between u/s i do end up spiraling. I see a therapist once a week- i am working dealing with OCD brought on by anxiety- so that is taking a lot of self realization and work . I also have normal OCD (i have discovered) but the anxiety OCD comes with intrusive thoughts and detrimental patterns of behavior. I know that this type of OCD carries into new motherhood so i am trying to make sure the tools are in place for later on ad well.
One of the things i am trying to cut back on is forums so i am only off and on here.
The other thing im working on is moving physical which is hard because i feel to “fragile “‘ to do anything else- does anyone else feel that way? I want to do yoga and swim but im just afraid it might hurt the baby.
If it's going to cause you increased anxiety then maybe hold off until after 16 weeks and your next US. Swimming is so good for your body and so low impact that you should absolutely do that when you feel up to it. I struggle with yoga because it's boring but I know how beneficial it is so I keep trying. Maybe just start with short walks and nothing high impact? I'm used to doing a lot of cardio and I just can't these days. It freaks me out so I switched to gentler stuff. Beginner prenatal Pilates is supposed to be low impact but phenomenal for your body.
I'm 13+6 today, so it's officially the last day of my first trimester, and I'm starting to show, which are both good things. We've started telling people about this pregnancy in the last two weeks, BUT I still catch myself and DH saying 'if' a lot (like 'if' the baby comes, 'if' I'm still pregnant, etc etc). It's weird, but I seem to have MORE anxiety now than I did a couple weeks ago! And the bleeding is making things worse. I'll go 3 days with nothing and start to feel 'safe', and then it starts again. My OB said there's nothing we can do, and she doesn't want to do another ultrasound until 20 weeks now, so we're just doing appointments every two weeks where I can at least hear the heartbeat. Uggghhhhhh
Anyhow, that's my rant for today... just slowing going crazy over here...
I also say "IF" even to my kids. I can't help it.
also waiting to feel the baby- I think it will help overall.
how stressful for both of you! so happy things worked out fine. hope you both treat yourself to something nice today
I definitely feel that way when people ask the "are you excited?" question - they also ask if I have started decorating the nursery, or planned my maternity leave, etc. and I'm frozen and don't know how to honestly respond that I am taking things one week at a time in full terror and anxiety. I know it is a conversation starter and they want to show their own excitement, but it is so hard to respond genuinely.
So when someone asks if we're excited, I just say we're still nervous because of our three prior losses, but excited for the possibility. And if they ask another question I'll go full into 'this is our last embryo and based on my age and loss history it's our last chance, blah blah blah". It either opens up the door to educate people or lets them feel like they shouldn't have asked in the first place