Hello! New Member Here (loss mentioned)

ttc_stacey

Hello,

Sorry for the long post... It has taken me a while to be able to share my story, but I think it is the best thing I can do to help myself at this point. I am (almost) 38yo (tomorrow is my bday) and have been TTC for around 1.5 yrs. I thought I would get pregnant immediately since all of the women in my family have, but after 6 months we started the rounds to the doctors.

First, I found out my tubes were blocked. The HSG opened them up and I was (again) convinced we would conceive immediately - WRONG. I finally got an appointment with a reproductive endocrinologist, which was when the reality of how challenging this would all become set in. I found out I have LOR and my AMH is low too. The first RE we saw had no bedside manners and did not understand why I was bawling when I found out this information. She said our chances of conceiving naturally were about 1%. I felt so alone and although my husband tried to be supportive, he didn't understand what I was feeling.

I had mixed emotions about fertility treatments because I have Crohn's Disease and suffer from severe depression. I was terrified what the hormones would do to me, but after A LOT of google searching we made the decision to move forward with IUI. Then the most AMAZING thing happened the week I was scheduled. I was very worried that I didn't get my period, but my doctor had me come in for my initial IUI appointment and I had a BFP! I have never felt such a rush of joy and utter elation in my life. But, a week later I miscarried and felt the worst pain I could ever imagine.

We decided to switch doctors for a few reasons and my new doc ran a bunch of tests before moving forward with the IUI. My worries about the hormones were accurate - my body did not react well to them. I was emotionally a wreck for a month - from the Clomid to the Pregnyl to the Progesterone suppositories. Even though I had 4 "nice looking" follicles, we received a BFN. I don't know if I can handle another round of fertility drugs, but look forward to reading others' journies and be part of a supportive community.

Thank you!

mojoflower

@ttc_stacey I am so sorry for what you have gone through. It can feel very lonely but I hope you find some community and maybe even sometimes some giggles here. I know I have. 😁 I wanted to share with you that I have also suffered from depression and had the same worries with my first round. And I was an emotional wreck. The second round I was barely effected by the medications. The only thing that was different was I declared I was going to be as healthy as possible through it and started working out. So if that is an option for you maybe it would work for you too. But perhaps there is another change you could make that would help you not have as many effects? 

Please keep me updated with your progress. I’ll be rooting for you! 💜

sarah0125

@ttc_stacey I think sharing your story is probably a great step in your journey! I know for me talking to others (especially who are in a similar boat) makes me feel much better and less alone. 

I think the meds are varying degrees of tough for everyone- I’m sorry they hit you so hard. I know for me when I’ve done fertility treatments I try to be extra gentle with myself, do things I enjoy to keep me happy and distracted, and try to say “no” to as many things as possible that I don’t want to do to keep me relaxed and rested. I also try to plan out my week as much as possible (meal prepping, cleaning and laundry on days off from work) to help reduce additional “regular” stress. A huge help for me has been acupuncture as well- maybe you can look in to that!
I wish your luck in your journey ❤️