When the baby needs you nearby ALL the time — The Bump
Babies: 0 - 3 Months

When the baby needs you nearby ALL the time

I love my little guy, 2 months old, but he cries when I do the dishes, go to the bathroom for awhile, generally just am not in the same room and holding him.  
I think it may be mostly due to I held him everywhere and we're trying to separate a little bit. I began this need for more time to myself and for us to have a more healthy boundary around two weeks ago.
He cries when I set him in the bassinet, even if he was asleep and wakes up not being held.
Unfortunately we've moved him to another room to cry it out when we can't hold him all the time at 3am (as an example, when not feeding time).
I feel awful for that, sometimes just need to sleep without him crying to be held.

How have you helped your little ones get through separation anxieties?
Are there ways to get him more comfortable with sleeping in the bassinet? 

Re: When the baby needs you nearby ALL the time

  • I do still hold him very often of course. But just need advice on how to get him more comfortable on his own, especially for sleep
  •      My baby girl is the same way in that she also wants to be held to nap.  When her dad was home from work, we traded off.  He would take her most mornings and I would take her most afternoons so we could each have a break and also time to get things done.  She is not so much a fan of sleeping in her swing or bouncer.  She also doesn't seem to want to sleep in her bassinet, even though she does really well at night.  We have tried all these, even laying her down once she's already asleep.  She has always woken up 2, 10, 30 min. later.  Now that her dad has returned to work, holding her all the time would leave me precious few minutes every day where she's awake and okay on her own.  It sounds like you don't even have that.
         My mom suggested laying her down on the couch or somewhere once she's good and asleep and surrounding her with pillows and blankets (you do this in a smart way and just usually stay fairly close, of course).  We have done this a couple times, and it has worked, as long as she is completely down and asleep when we lay her down.
         I also asked my sister because one of hers was the same way, and she said one of the things they did was put him in the baby carrier on their chest.  This has also worked a couple times.  I know it's not putting the baby down all the way, but trust me, at least having your hands free to do things with is life changing on its own.
         Good luck!  We're all just doing our best!
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  • This is totally normal for that age. They feel safe with you. Most people say you can't really hold a newborn too much, it likely wouldn't make much of a difference if you didn't because it's just how they are when they are this young. It truly just takes time. Once they are around 6mo, you could look into sleep training if you are comfortable with that. In the meantime, I would look into baby wearing. And leaving him in a safe place for a few minutes like you do now is perfectly fine, though general recommendation is not to let them cry for more than 10-15 min straight.
  • Oh and as far as more comfortable in bassinet, I highly recommend trying a velcro swaddle like the Halo Swaddle Sleepsack. It was a game changer for my baby sleeping at night, though he still has to be held most of the day.
  • shaztanshaztan member
    My LO is the same way, he wants to sleep on us and held most of the time except when awake, he prefers to play in his playpen then. He's not yet taken to the Rocker/Bouncer yet and won't stay in it for more than 10-15mins. 

    He did really well swaddled in the cradle for the first 4 weeks. He learnt to free his arms out of the swaddle then and his Moro Reflex keeps him awake and now he'll sleep only on us. My husband and I do shifts at night, holding him as he sleeps.

    We've tried various other velcro swaddles but nothing was working because he'd just keep trying to break free, sometimes for 45mins before starting to cry from frustration. We've now invested (it is expensive at $85) in the Dreamland swaddle, it is a weighted swaddle with velcro flaps inside to keep his hands down. We've had some success with this one as the weight soothes him to sleep whenever he tries to get himself worked up over his hands being held down. I sometimes feel bad like we're tricking him into thinking we're holding him but it provides him the comfort he seeks and I prefer it to having him cry it out.

    Nested Bean is another option for a weighted swaddle but their newborn size didn't fit my then 11lbs LO though it is advertised to fit up to 13lbs. So, I never got to actually try it out to provide feedback. 
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