@pangolindrome every short term plan is different, but mine had to be pre-pregnancy and kicked in after sick leave ran out. It was only good for 6 weeks for a vaginal delivery and 8 weeks for a csection. I’ll have about 7-8 weeks paid leave, so it didn’t make sense for me, but my cost was also way higher than yours.
@jhysmath HR told me I can use sick leave for whatever my OB certifies I need on the FMLA paperwork. Standard is 6 weeks or 8 weeks depending on delivery. Anything beyond that is considered bonding, not medically necessary, and unpaid. That being said, GA just approved paid parental leave for bonding last August. So, I’ll get three weeks for that. It can be taken at any point in the year following birth in any full day increment - so all 3 at once (which I’ll do) or two days a week for 7 weeks, etc.
@pangolindrome updated! You were already in the numbers, I just forgot to add OR to the list.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
Super lucky that in WA, we get 12 weeks paid parental leave (although it maxes out at ~$1300 per week based on income). If you gave birth, you get 16 weeks and if you had a medical condition like bed rest or a c-section, you get 18 weeks. So hubby gets to be home for 12 weeks. We’re breaking up his leave though so we can get a few full paycheck weeks in every so often. I also get 6 weeks paid 100% through my work but trying to figure out if that’s 6 weeks on TOP of state leave or at the same time… or if I can file in a way that I can stack them. I don’t think I’ll be that lucky
I feel for you mamas! Super glad WA has taken a few dollars from every paycheck for the last 4 years now lol.
@trapperkeeper87 love!!! I chased mine around last night. Funny how you find it and all of a sudden it’s gone lol and then you find it again just a little bit away! So crazy how much easier it is to find the HB than it was 2-3 weeks ago! And how much higher he is!
@laj0217 thank you! Either way, I’m grateful I get paid leave at all 🥲 but it’s the least the state can do with the rent we pay and some of the highest daycare costs 😂
I’m at that weird mid point between appointments where I start to worry if everything is okay in there. Sometimes I can I feel movement (just over 15 weeks) but obviously can’t do it on command - like later in pregnancy when you can poke baby enough to get a wiggle to feel better that he/she’s in there and doing okay. Next appointment almost two weeks away still !
I am bored. Bored bored bored. Caught up on grading yesterday. Don’t need to plan for next week. I am uncomfortable and bored and wish I could nap until class is over for the day.
@pangolindrome me too- I am caught up on work and my manager is nowhere to be found- I've been working on my registry but still have some time to kill....
Spent an hour cleaning my kitchen. Wanna place bets on how long before the boy person trashes it?
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
Anyone else feeling almost guilty for not being the healthiest pregnant woman ever? Went to my OB today and she was asking how I’ve been eating (after she looked at my weight) and I told her that I’ve been trying to eat more fruits and veggies, get my nutrients, etc. and her response me that some women try to make their pregnancies the healthiest they’ve ever been. Now I keep questioning everything I eat and completely overthinking my weight gain. I think I eat pretty well (no fast food, most meals prepared at home, no soda). Like she complimented that I looked fit but then also managed to guilt me for my 10 lb weight gain 🤷🏼♀️
I don’t think she meant it that way but I’m still processing it. Am I crazy?
@mk2022x OK, you are super tiny. If you're at a lower BMI to start with, you actually should gain more weight then someone who is average weight, overweight, or obese. As long as you are eating healthy and there's no evidence of GD, keep on doing what you're doing. Weight schmeight.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
@mk2022x I eat what sounds good because I eat to survive when pregnant. The other night my husband and I shared a pint of Ben and Jerry's and he had brought donuts home so I had one of those too. I was just excited that eating all the sugar didn't make me feel like it does first trimester😆
@mk2022x I actually posted a long comment earlier on this thread that I think might be relevant to you.
TLDR: I met with a dietician because of my weight gain (similar to you in being small to start off with) and she was COMPLETELY fine with my (25lb at 17 weeks!!) weight gain. Like @kboydbowman said, if you start off small, you’re likely to gain more, esp in the beginning.
My dietician also told me the pressure to be perfect as a mom starts the second you get pregnant and really never ends, so it’s best to work on developing a thick skin to it sooner than later. It’s unrealistic and you can’t hold yourself to that standard because you will always feel like a failure. I’m sorry your OB seems like they were reinforcing that mentality (IMHO).
@mk2022x I'm sorry your OB made you feel this way! It's really hard not to focus on weight gain during pregnancy. My midwives will remind me to eat a nutritious diet at my appointments, but they really don't discuss weight gain, which I appreciate! Maybe that's just your OBs way of reminding you, too? It sounds like you are doing an amazing job taking care of yourself and babe
@mk2022x I wouldn’t worry too much. In general for myself I try to hit a few milestones - eat a piece of fruit, glass of milk, eat a vegetable, etc. Then I eat pretty much whatever makes me not feel like garbage. Honestly in my eyes survival is the main goal here.
I figure it’s low key enough I’ll most likely stick to it and at least so far I haven’t heard complaints from my doctors. 😬
@mk2022x omg! $2500 is insane. I haven’t even looked at day cares by me (I’m on Long Island) but I’m sure they’re not cheap. I’m hoping to have a more flexible work schedule (probably changing jobs) to coordinate with my boyfriend and have some help from my mom/his mom. It’s so crazy that childcare is so unaffordable though!
Thank you guys 💚 I appreciate the support. I’m a FTM trying to navigate this crazy new world and the weight gain seems to be such an important piece of it, which I get, but it’s not the healthiest thing for me to focus on. Had a few struggling moments last night and needed to put my thoughts down. You guys are the best!
I was so hoping we were not going to get interviews for the jobs we applied for, but I got an email today saying that they want to zoom interview next week. I really don't want this position but I know my husband would not be happy if I didn't try to get it. I really don't want to move and navigate a new school while on maternity leave and not getting paid for it. I am really frustrated that he doesn't see my side of things and I'm sure he thinks I'm being selfish not wanting to move back.
Can you be sneaky and just deliberately tank the interview or tell them at the interview that you changed your mind? That way you theoretically went to the interview but are guaranteed to not get the job
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
@kboydbowman I'm afraid that it's such a small community out in rural western NY that if I botch this one significantly than I won't even be looked at next spring when we apply in the area. I know my husband wants nothing more than to be out there, and I feel so selfish even wanting to stay back here. If I wasn't pregnant I would have zero qualms about this. I would go in a heart beat, but I don't want to deliver out there, the hospitals don't even "allow" vbacs, never mind vba2cs. I don't want to spend postpartum in a new area where I only know people he's friends with so they all have grandchildren not babies. I don't want to have to deal with his mother coming over whenever she wants because he feels "grandma needs to visit" and I'm the one stuck with her and the kids when he goes off to work in the barn or the woods. I don't want to lose all of that pay regardless of him saying he will make up the difference. I don't want to only have 2 months off because he'll decide I can't stay home for 3 months because he can't make up the pay for 3 months. I feel this is 100% selfish on my part because all the reasons I don't want to go are because of me and this baby. He's been out here for 20 years and just wants to move back home to be closer to his family and I'm prolonging that. He's not happy in our tiny apartment, our kids want to be able to go outside and just play, but I want to stay here and make my life easier for one year.
Re. Weight gain - I felt that pressure to be super healthy with my first as well. I ate the most healthy of my life during that first trimester I think (somehow I didn’t have any morning sickness or fatigue… 🙄 i didn’t realize how lucky I was back then). I was also very in shape and had a lower body weight at that time before getting pregnant. I gained weight very quickly but only gained about 40 lbs total. My weight gain slowed down in the second trimester for that first pregnancy and It all evened out. I was fine with the 40 lbs gain and looking back at three pregnancies, I gained about the same each time as a total. I think it’s just what my body needs to do. With my other two, I gained more slowly in the first trimester and caught up in the second trimester. All this to say what everyone else has said - try not to stress too much about it. If the doc seems overly focused on weight … maybe time to find a new doc?
@mk2022x ugh, I wish your OB wasn’t so focused on your weight. This just starts up the whole “will I ever be my pre-baby weight again” and messes with your mind. With my first I would get weighed at every OB appointment and could clearly see the numbers climb up as time went on but every time I’d ask my OB if she has any concerns with the weight increase, she was like nope, keep doing what you’re doing. I’m on the smaller side and ended up gaining 35 lbs which was very visible on my frame and made me so self-conscious but I just kept saying I’m growing a baby, everything will be fine. Am I back to what my weight was 3 years ago? No. And that’s okay. We are all growing new humans and that is just so so incredible!!
regarding weight gain. I am very heavy to begin with so my Mw would say keep your weight gain around 15 -25 lbs total. With my first I lost in the first trimester trying to figure out how not to be sick all the time. Then I gained what I lost and then some in the second. I was then put on a GD diet and only gained 5 my 3rd trimester for a total weight gain of 15 lbs. It felt "perfect" . With my second I weighed about 35 lbs less starting that pregnancy that I did with my first. I was advised to just gain the 15-25 again and I lost in the first trimester but not as much because I figured out how to eat so I didn't get sick. In the second trimester I gained a decent amount, when I got my non GD diagnosis and we went into covid lock down I took that to mean I could eat whatever and baked everyday with the almost 2 year old. It kept us occupied. I think I gained 3-5 lbs each time I went to an appointment. I ended up weighing 5 lbs more than I did at the end with #1 and I started 35 lbs lighter.
I just think I'll end up weighing the same each time. This time I started at the weight I was with #1 so I'm really hoping I can talk myself into eating low carb now that I can stomach foods again so that I don't gain 50lbs this pregnancy. My MW never made a big deal about the weight and would just say something like how have you been eating are you watching your carbs and I wouldn't lie and I would tell her we made cinnamon bread and and cookies and I haven't been watching my carbs, and she would say well you should probably think about that you might have a sugar intolerance. I thought oh well I passed my GD test and had a milk shake with dinner. It wasn't until my 39+3 appointment that a different midwife saw me and said you've been measuring ahead by 1.5 weeks for awhile now let's see how big baby is and had an US done to tell me I had a 10 lbs baby and they would not allow for a vbac of a baby that size in that hospital and I was sent to another one. I don't get a chance to go for a Vba2c at my local hospital so I will be sent away any how, but I'm really hoping for a more average size baby this time, to hopefully get that vba2c.
@newbabymama27 I can relate to wondering “if I’ll ever be pre-pregnancy weight” because those thoughts have been hard for me lately especially when I see a pre-pregnancy pic of myself. I know it’s normal to gain weight in pregnancy and I know I shouldn’t put pressure on myself to get back to what I was but it’s hard!!! Weight gain is hard !! I actually don’t even look at the scale when I get weighed at mu appointments now because I know it’ll just be hard on my mental health, I’d rather not know!
@jhysmath None of that sounds selfish to me, it sounds like trying to protect your mental and physical health.
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
@mk2022x FTM here too. I was about 175 before and I gained 11lb in the first month or so, but I haven’t gained since (well, haven’t weighed myself in the last week but I had an appt last week so meh). If your body is behaving in healthy ways, don’t stress about it.
Then, I started craving veggies, fruits, and “lighter” food in general and think that helped curb the gain… and being able to exercise more again, walking 3-4 miles/day instead of maybe 2, has helped.
If your energy, blood pressure, overall well-being, and stamina are fine, then I’d say you are fine. It’s all about being able to support yourself and this new life growing inside us, right?
@jhysmath I have another school I would LOVE to work at for a multitude of reasons, one being a significant pay increase, but I am on contract (the closest we get to tenure) and probation is three years here, so… I don’t know your situation, but I completely understand. I would not want to switch schools going into a pregnancy. It is honestly a terrifying thought to me.
@pangolindrome I don't think we have tenure here, but after I think 5 years they can't let you go without following the reduction in force clause in the contract, or having a "real" reason. I don't know what ny has I just skimmed their contract I didn't check into the nitty gritty. I don't have a fear of being replaced, math teachers are hard to come by, but I hate having to prove myself when I also will be using any free time I have to pump. It's hard enough to make connections within a school when you're new, but adding in not eating lunch with coworkers or not being able to collaborate during planning time because people (cough males) find it weird when you pump while working. (even if you've had 10 minute conversations with people while pumping and they never know because you're that discreet.)
As far as weight gain, what has really helped me is weighing myself in kilos. I see the numbers go up and down but the numbers mean nothing to me. My midwife weighed me throughout my first pregnancy so I knew I was gaining but again, the numbers meant nothing and I don't have any stigma attached to what I think is "too much" as I do when I see my weight in pounds. My midwife never said anything about it though, just encouraged me to eat a variety of healthy foods and get light exercise often.
I also really struggled with my weight my last pregnancy. I am 5’ and was roughly 100lbs pre pregnancy and was 185lbs the day I delivered him at 40+5. I did not have GD, preeclampsia, or any other health conditions and my son was born in the 98th percentile. I lost 40lbs the first 2 weeks and completely lost the rest of it by the time he was a year old.
They gave me SUCH a hard time about my weight but I found out my mom also gained that much weight with us and had 3 completely healthy babies.
This time around I’m definitely being more mindful of my choices but I’m not going to let them crush my soul the way they did with my first pregnancy.
I love all these responses and I’m glad we’re all promoting a healthy mindset. I wish I could respond to all of you but here’s a virtual hug to everyone who shared their story!
At @foreveronyourside that must have been hell lugging around almost twice your weight though!! I'll bet that was a hell of an adjustment! Glad it was time-limited! (Not weight shaming, just feeling sympathetic)
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
@lilienne I was going to check in on you last night after putting the kids to bed, but I feel asleep with them and didn't wake back up until late. How are you doing, does your husband come back tonight or tomorrow?
@jhysmath you're wonderful! I did something awful to my right shoulder, which is always fun, but from a mental health standpoint I've actually survived the weekend okay. It's a good thing I did, too, because he now has a work trip scheduled for Tuesday-Friday, grr...He gets home late tonight, I can't wait to make him take over the pet chores again for a little bit!
First time mom-to-be, due 9/25/22
Some complicated chromosomal stuff going on - our fingers are crossed, but this may not go according to plan!
Current pregnancy - First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Four prior losses, no living children - 1 first trimester miscarriage, 1 blighted ovum, 1 chemical, and one extreme premature live birth daughter who died at 15 days old.
Re: Weekly Randoms 3/28
@kboydbowman remember to add Oregon for me
updated! You were already in the numbers, I just forgot to add OR to the list.
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
I figure it’s low key enough I’ll most likely stick to it and at least so far I haven’t heard complaints from my doctors. 😬
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
I just think I'll end up weighing the same each time. This time I started at the weight I was with #1 so I'm really hoping I can talk myself into eating low carb now that I can stomach foods again so that I don't gain 50lbs this pregnancy. My MW never made a big deal about the weight and would just say something like how have you been eating are you watching your carbs and I wouldn't lie and I would tell her we made cinnamon bread and and cookies and I haven't been watching my carbs, and she would say well you should probably think about that you might have a sugar intolerance. I thought oh well I passed my GD test and had a milk shake with dinner. It wasn't until my 39+3 appointment that a different midwife saw me and said you've been measuring ahead by 1.5 weeks for awhile now let's see how big baby is and had an US done to tell me I had a 10 lbs baby and they would not allow for a vbac of a baby that size in that hospital and I was sent to another one. I don't get a chance to go for a Vba2c at my local hospital so I will be sent away any how, but I'm really hoping for a more average size baby this time, to hopefully get that vba2c.
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
If your energy, blood pressure, overall well-being, and stamina are fine, then I’d say you are fine. It’s all about being able to support yourself and this new life growing inside us, right?
@jhysmath I have another school I would LOVE to work at for a multitude of reasons, one being a significant pay increase, but I am on contract (the closest we get to tenure) and probation is three years here, so… I don’t know your situation, but I completely understand. I would not want to switch schools going into a pregnancy. It is honestly a terrifying thought to me.
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.
Some complicated chromosomal stuff going on - our fingers are crossed, but this may not go according to plan!
https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/family/mum-driven-tears-husbands-suggestions-26601053?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=mirror_mums&fbclid=IwAR1VexabYSzAHQPgSb_VLliEkIJ7XbhTSYqbdhFNIkF5ZNpHtiEvynFri54
First BFP on 1/4/22. Due date 9/13/22.