Bitch Fest 3/21

kboydbowman

What sucks?

wiseh

Love my parents but they refuse to let me cook - I ask every single day what dinner is & where the recipe is so I can cook & they tell me there is no recipe every single time. They then tell me they're getting home at 5:30 to cook dinner, but it'll be 6:30 before they're home so dinner isn't ready till 7:30 and my poor toddler is starving and tired (she's normally asleep by 7:30). Sometimes I give her whatever else I can find in the house while we're waiting & then my parents get upset because she won't eat her dinner, and then they crack the sads even more because as soon as she's eaten I whisk her to bed and they're all like "but we've not spent any time with her" - mateeeeee get home when you say you would & you'd have plenty of time with her 😒

Today I am going to tell them if they don't change up what they're doing then I will just buy & cook food for ourselves & she'll be in bed before they're home because it's getting a bit much. 

jhysmath

@wiseh my husband had to tell his mom something similar. She really only works late during tax season, but that's when we visit in February, and she'll say she's getting out at 5 so we go to visit and she doesn't come home until 6 or 7 when my kids go to bed around 730 and it's an hour drive back to our house. It drives him crazy. I just enjoy not seeing her lol. He got angry with her and was like it's 1 day they can handle answering the phone without you and greeting people at the door. Put up a damn sign. 

jhysmath

My husband asked me this morning, have we baptized either of the kids yet? I was like nope. He said we should do that this summer before our big party. I said our not, you don't go to church (I don't either) so what's the point? He got all huffy and was like you don't go to church either, I said I know that's why our kids don't need to be baptized. He said well maybe they will want to go to church. We'll they can go to church and get baptized when they choose too. 

I'm extra bitchy at this, because I know he's only doing it to for his mother. In the last 15 years aside from our wedding and 2 funerals, he hasn't gone to church. FIL and fils moms funerals weren't even in a church. Because we're not a church family. Why put on some show? I will remind my daughters to never marry a mama's boy I just feel this is a ridiculous thing to do when you don't do church at all and it has to be just for his mom. 

trapperkeeper87

@jhysmath I'm the type of catholic who fully supports your view (disclaimer: I'm not devout, but i do go to mass and follow the things that make sense for me). If your children want to try going to church, great. If a friend asks them to attend, wonderful. If they don't want to go but you're raising them to be a great human, all the better! I hate when church is shoved down people's throats; most of the time that either turns people weird or makes them heavily resentful. To each their own! Teach your kids to be good people, raise them well, and you're in good shape.

Thank you for standing your ground on this; it's always annoyed me when people like your husband just do it for show or what-not.

jhysmath

@trapperkeeper87 I was raised catholic. I made my confirmation. I taught second grade CCD in high school. I was one of the head people in our church youth group. I would love for my children to be a part of the church and have that sense of community. In college I didn't go to church and fell out of habit, when I moved to the middle of no where with my husband I suggested we go to church, he said football on Sunday is his church. So we didn't go to church, it feels weird just hopping into someone else's community for me. I still attended Christmas mass at the church in my families neighborhood before we were married. Once we were married and had kids and had to be apart of each others Christmas I stopped going. My husbands family would go to the movies for Christmas instead of mass and their mom would go on her own when the movie wasn't showing. I just feel like he's being a hypocrite when he now wants to baptize our children and it feels like it's for show. He will never go to church with them, and from what I remember MIL saying about cousins who tried baptizing his son that they were required to attend church for a certain amount of time before the church would baptize the baby. Which means, my husband will decide to lie to the priest and say that we attend church in NH during the school year when we absolutely do not. When we were married in the church we had to have a letter from our "home parish" stating it was okay for them to marry us out of our home parish. We went and told that priest that we attend Christmas mass at our families church and he was able to write us a letter to be married. My husband did not attend any Christmas masses. I guess I'm just frustrated because I would love to go to church as a family and be a part of that community but I know he has no interest in that, so why bother lying about it. It's not going to get the kids into any particular schools, it's all for show for his mother. 

dsmith211

@jhysmath As a baptized Christian I fully support your view. Don’t do it for other people. Don’t do it bc you think you have to. Let people choose when to if it is something they want for their life. 

Honestly I wasn’t even baptized until last year and that was a huge process for me to even decide. I can’t imagine doing it just bc or not giving someone a choice.

kboydbowman

I need a nap.

pangolindrome

What sucks is I had a nightmare that I was suffocating last night and I woke up with my husband’s arm on my ribs. It felt super heavy and I COULD NOT manage to let him know. My breathing has just sucked today. It’s really put a stick in my spokes today and I’ve had to work hard not to be an ass. I don’t know if that’s an idiom, but now it is. I made it one.

@jhysmath disclaimer I grew up in one of the most secular countries in the world (Sweden) so that’s shaped me a lot, and my parents aren’t religious, neither are/were their parents.
I identify as vaguely pagan, none of my siblings were baptized. My parents thought the choice should be up to us.

I have told my husband that I refuse to baptize my kid(s) because it is a promise to raise them according to the church. He wasn’t aware of that at all. I’m fine with others doing it, and we may have a naming ceremony of some sort, but I can’t in good conscience baptize my kids. 

Don’t do it for someone else. We need to be good people because we are good people, not because we fear divine retribution otherwise. I do my best to lead with empathy, curiosity, and kindness, and that’s all I would ever hope for in anyone regardless of denomination or culture. 

If it would bring you comfort and be something you want to do, then it would absolutely be the choice for you.

@kboydbowman I’m taking a nap~

kboydbowman

@pangolindrome you and your nap can bite me lol

melyrae

Me and hubs wanna do a little “babymoon” but flights are SO DAMN EXPENSIVE. #firstworldproblems I know 

kboydbowman

My babymoon is a trip to Myrtle Beach for two weeks with my mother (and likely my best friend for part of it and my brother and his wife/girlfriend for the rest of it).  The boy person will remain here with the pets.

babywiik

@jhysmath yeah, I agree with the others and you that a baptism shouldn't be just for show. MH and I are both Christians, were raised by Christian parents and we're baptized when we were babies. We still go to church and live out our faith in our daily life so our children will be baptized. We're prepared to make the promise that we will raise our kids according to our faith and the Godparents have also promised that they will help us. 

laj0217

I had such a productive day yesterday. It was pre-pregnancy level of focus. I got so much done and it was amazing. The day just flew by. Today, I have been scrolling through strollers for an hour and texting. I can’t bring myself to be interested in or start my work - ugh! I have no idea what was different about yesterday to repeat the focus/productivity. So frustrating!

trapperkeeper87

@laj0217 Ugh. I both hate and love that. Hate because it's frustrating, but love because at least you had one amazing day, ya know?

I'm so annoyed that my anxiety has been spiking lately and causing me to close off communication with friends. It's just too overwhelming to constantly keep up when I feel this way. Add my introversion to the mix and it's not a good mixture. My appointment yesterday helped with the anxiety, but it's still there. It's like, this pregnancy is completely different from the last one and that is stressing me out. Why?! Ugh. My weight gain has been minimal, my hair is losing the curl it gained with my last pregnancy, and I'm just not as sore. Those are all great things, so why am I catastrophizing? (Rhetorical question)

🙄

laj0217

@trapperkeeper87 that sucks! Anxiety is the worst. I hope it starts to abate for you as the pregnancy goes on. 

trapperkeeper87

@laj0217 Thanks. I hope so too! My anxiety seems to always spike during pregnancy, and then my depression kicks back in once the baby is here. Thankfully I have an incredible therapist that has helped me sort out so many deep things!

kboydbowman

I feel like murdering the boy person.  He can't deal with the dishwasher because "his back hurts," yet he can move 40 pound buckets of plants around.  I woke up this morning to a sink FULL of dirty dishes, the dishwasher half empty and open, and the stove completely disgusting.  I told him that shit better be cleaned up by the time I get home.

dsmith211

I need this stupid headache to go away so I can get some work done. 😠 

runsonanxiety

@kboydbowman I am going to complain about my kitchen problems now haha: my DH has been trying to keep up with the dirty kitchen since I couldn't stomach it for the first 12 weeks.... but he throws things in the dishwasher in such a disorganized way.... it's a total waste of space, and things end up just coming back out dirty. It drives me actually crazy. I end up putting on a mask and reorganizing the whole dang thing.

dsmith211

This morning I asked DH if he would be able to take our son to piano lessons this afternoon after school as I have plans I can’t change tonight and won’t be home till 9 to make up work time. He said it shouldn’t be a problem, so I proceed to plan my day accordingly - take an hour break for a nap and decompression time, etc. 

Time gets closer to when he should be leaving and he isn’t getting ready and I ask why? “I thought you were taking him.” And when I reminded him what he said “I never would have said that.”

So here I am. In the ridiculous car line after rushing to get ready, waiting to take our son to music lessons. And now I get to come home and work later until probably 10:30/11 so that I can make up the hour and a half I’m missing. 😠😩

foreveronyourside

@pangolindrome I can’t ever wrap my head around your username because I always want to type palindrome haha. I recently had a “I’m suffocating dream” and it was so so scary and real I remembered it for a couple days. Such a gross feeling to shake off!! 

Also I agree with all the baptism comments! 

Church used to be a HUGE part of my life and I miss learning things and the music and community but hate dealing with both of our parents that go because they stress me out equally. I wish I enjoyed being around our parents but they stress me OUT SO BAD! 

@dsmith211 I’ve had a freakin headache the last 3 days! Dang hormones!!! Aghhhh 

pangolindrome

@foreveronyourside I’m much too proud of my username lol. I am a huge fan of pangolins. They’re just the best!

lilienne

Agreed with the comments re. baptism @jhysmath sorry you're dealing with your husband's performative stuff around religion, that sounds really frustrating.

@laj0217 good luck getting the productivity back! Even if they don't happen every day, it's good to hear that pre-pregnancy productivity is possible while pregnant!

@pangolindrome your user name rocks, even if I have to check my spelling every single time.

I agreed to help feed the horses at the barn, but the person who should have done it with me today totally ditched me. She didn't do any of it except the 2-3 steps that I absolutely cannot do while pregnant (they involve contact with medications that could cause complications), and I was really really mad about having to do so much work on my own. On the other hand, I did it all without help - including hoisting eight 50lb bags of grain around to refill bins. While I would have preferred help, I'm quite proud of myself for being fit enough to do it - and I'm thrilled that my energy seems to be coming back a little as this pregnancy progresses.

mamamoomoo12

Baptism is definitely something I have had to go back and forth on. Both my husband and I were raised Catholic, I was baptized as a baby and went to Catholic school kindergarten through high school. I now work at a Catholic school and plan on sending our son. But, I am not a practicing Catholic. I loved the community I grew up in and want to give that to our child, but the feeling of being forced to believe that my religion was the only correct one pushed me so far in the opposite direction. I would love him to learn about religion and decide whether or not to commit when he has an understanding of what religion means to him and if it is something he wants in his life. 

Many of our friends and family members are apart of the LGBTQ+ community. We are actively going to be teaching our son how to love and accept everyone. We want him to know that there are no limits to who he can be and who he can love. We want him to be a champion for women and to know that whatever a woman decides to do with her body is her choice and her choice alone. I cannot in good conscience baptize him in a faith that goes against what we will be teaching at home and how we will being treating the people around us. Luckily there is a Catholic school in our neighborhood that is progressive and accepts everyone regardless of sexual orientation, and is supportive of movements like BLM. 

wiseh

I find it so interesting how religion is taught depending on the beliefs of the person teaching it. I went to a Catholic high school and in year 11 & 12 (last 2 years of high school) you still had to take a religion class, so I took ones that contributed towards my final grade. The subjects I took were "texts and traditions" and "religion & society". The two things we were taught that stand out in my mind where: the old testament is like Aesop's fables, stories told to make a point, and all the Monotheism religions in the world worship the same God, they just have different prophets. The teacher we had for these subjects was a Catholic nun. However, I had grown up believing something completely different, even being taught different things at the same school by different teachers. Prior to this I was extremely religious and after taking those subjects (and a few other things happened with the youth group I was involved in) I really started questioning everything about faith and haven't really been to church since except for the odd Easter & Christmas mass with my Nanna.

jhysmath

@mamamoomoo12 your comment I think even adds more to why I don't like the idea of baptizing my children. My brother and his partner are very active in the episcopal church because they are accepted there (his partner is a lay deacon and has dreams of going back to school to become a priest) when my openly gray brother made the switch my mother (who rarely attends church since we were confirmed) threw a fit. I yelled at her and asked why he would want to be catholic when catholics believe he is a walking sin? Why can't he have God, but have a God who loves him for who he is. I know at least in my area, being catholic is a very buffet style you pick and choose what you want to believe, but we're going to be raising the kids in a very rural closed minded community and I'm already afraid the community is going to have a big impact in the people they will be and that scares me. 

wiseh

That’s another thing that made me question everything, @jhysmath - it’s literally the same God in all monotheistic religions. Why does He accept things in some religions but not others? Why does he demand certain things in some religions but not others? It just doesn’t make sense. 

I hope you & your husband can come to a resolution about this, and soon. I hope it’s just his stress playing out in weird and wonderful ways, and once the things that are causing your family stress resolve he will go back to not wanting the kids baptised. 

laj0217

I was raised Catholic, and attended Catholic school K-12. My husband was raised Baptist and sometimes Methodist and describes himself as agnostic now. We both want our child to have a religious foundation, but my husband doesn’t care which lol. We’ve talked about Catholicism, and I think the agreement we came to - because we both have intristic problems with all of the religions we were exposed to - is that we’d use Catholism as a base, in part because they’re the best schools locally and will create a sense of community - but on the weekends we have my stepdaughter (not Catholic, so every other weekend) we’d do something anti-Catholic instead of Mass, like volunteer at the local LGBTQ center or attend a service of another faith. We think this will still give the community feeling and basis in values/religion, but also undo the parts of Catholicism we don’t like. 

jhysmath

@wiseh He hasn't spoken of it since. We have other stresses that are currently on his mind right now He hasn't said anything about baptism since our first was a baby so I'm okay with it. It can go another 4 years and then maybe he can bring it up again and she can make that decision. 

kboydbowman

@laj0217
Ya'll need to check out Unitarian Universalism - literally merges all the best pieces of the world's religions (although it started as Christian), and is specifically LGBTQ affirming and inclusive.  When I actually do church, it's UU church.

x_tina729

@runsonanxiety my boyfriend is the exact same why. Will throw dishes into the dishwasher haphazardly and doesn’t always rinse them off so they come out dirty. It drives me crazy lol 

kboydbowman

weaponized incompetence - often it's on purpose so that you'll take it over

jhysmath

hey now I don't rinse dishes...that's the job of the dishwasher. My mother hand washes dishes before putting them in the dishwasher so you can never tell if they are clean or dirty. But I do believe in proper jenga planning with the dishwasher organization. 

laj0217

I’m on the dirty dishes go in the dishwasher team! But I also stack them properly lol. They come out clean 99% of the time. Sometimes a dish settles during washing and an area is missed. That one just goes through twice. 

jhysmath

@laj0217
 Exactly doesn't hurt to send them through again!

kboydbowman

if you don't get the big chunks of stuff off, though, you'll end up clogging your dishwaster's filter drain thingy.

jhysmath

@kboydbowman
You scrape into the trash first, then put in the dishwasher. Also the filter should come out and be washed monthly if your dishwasher doesn't come with a garbage disposer. 

kboydbowman

right, I'm talking about the people that just put the whole plate in the dishwasher without removing the big bits first (the boy person is INFAMOUS for this)

trapperkeeper87

@kboydbowman Your boy person sounds like an unfavorable human being. 🙊

kboydbowman

@trapperkeeper87 quite often