Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Feeling guilty still pregnant while someone else recently miscarried

So back in mid January my sister texted me big news she was getting married and she was also pregnant.  She was finally getting that second child she’s been wanting for the longest with someone who’s crazy about her.                            Anyways   I joked with her saying I was pregnant too but later January that joke came back to bite me. Shocked from the news when I was waiting for my period that never came, She was the first person I told not even my husband. While I was wry as well my husband who wasn’t too thrilled about the news when he found out.  She was excited that we were both pregnant at the same time we started talking about double gender reveal party baby shower doing pregnancy videos together once everything was settled with us both buying houses and moving in this April.  

There wasn’t a day we weren’t texting or face timing each other sending ultrasound sound pictures, baby bump updates,  talking about pregnancy highs and lows, baby names. 

 Fast March 16 I had just turned 13 weeks I got some news that I had to be admitted for fluids replacements. I asked her to watch my kids for me. She said yes but then remembered she had a doctors appointment so she asked her fiancé to watch them for me he said yes. She drove herself to her appointment. 

While I was in the hospital seeing nurses and doctors she’s text me saying they are having trouble finding a heart beat when my husband can pick up the kids, Before I could she called me in tears saying she lost the baby and they had to removed the baby and rest of it. 

She text the family group chat a few hours later saying what happen and she wanted to be left alone for while. 

Every since it happen I’ve been in tears. It don’t seem fair I’m still pregnant and she isn’t. I know I can’t talk to her right now when she’s in so much pain especially when I’m painful reminder of what she lost. I had two MCs myself before my two sons came along.  

I wish I could be there for her I hate this happen to her. I feel so much guilt and depressed that only one of us is still pregnant. 

I’m at a low because I don’t have my ride n die blood twin talk to about any of this anymore because she’s at home recovering with a broken heart wondering why that happen to her? 

While it feels like I don’t  derseve to be pregnant anymore  especially when she’s not.  Her  and her fiancé both really wanted that baby. 

It’s hard to look forward to rest of this pregnancy, when my sister is  in so much pain and I don’t have her to share it with anymore. 

Has anyone else been in this situation before?


Re: Feeling guilty still pregnant while someone else recently miscarried

  • You can't feel guilty for your own situation.  However, you're making her trauma more about you, and that's not supportive to her at all.  I know she asked for space, and she probably has no interest in hearing about your PG and things like she was before, but that doesn't necessarily mean she wanted to be completely abandoned.  Maybe you should check in with her and ask how she's doing.  Send her a memory necklace or something for the baby she just lost.  Talk to her and support her.  But I would not, under ANY circumstances, mention ANYTHING about your PG or your baby without her specifically asking you first.  And if she does ask, she may be just being nice about it, and I'd keep it VERY brief in answers unless she starts to be very engaging about it.
    *TW All the Loss* #BitterHagPartyOf1

    October 2015 - 1st MC.  7-8 weeks along. Suspected molar PG, but luckily just a MMC.

    June 2016 - 2nd MC: 4-5 weeks CP

    September 2016 - 3rd MC: 4-5 weeks CP

    RE 1: ALL the testing - 'unexplained'  "Yinz can do IVF or try on your own"

    Feb 2017 - 4th MC: 6 weeks

    RE 2: More tests. Still 'unexplained.'  Called fat for an entire hour-long appointment, cried a lot

    Feb 2019 - 5th MC: 6-7 weeks

    IUD - March 2019-March 2023

    RE 3:  Repeat all the tests. Hoping to try IVF.

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