Mental Health Check-In March 2022

fantasyflyte

This is a safe place for more detailed support in mental health, struggles, and successes.

U.S: National Suicide Prevention :  1-800-273-TALK [8255]

Chat option:   https://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

Link to Canadian Resources:  https://suicideprevention.ca/need-help/

This is a safe space for discussing your mental health. Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in Rants/Raves of the Dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health.  Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports. 

This post can be replied to at any time during the month. Not limited to those with a mental health diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others. We will attempt to be as flame-free as possible!

Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread. Share a picture/gif that expresses how you feel or provides some comfort. 

If you need help getting started, consider filling out the form below:

Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?:

Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA):

Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.)

How are you feeling?

bearmomma1

I didn’t know which daily/weekly to put this under so I’ll just go here. I’ll put the whole thing into TW spoiler for mention of LC, infant loss, miscarriage, other loss, all of the above. (Edited to make some sense of some of my rambling)

My dad passed away last week. He was such a healthy 76 year old who was living the life traveling the country with his wife in their RV. He had a mild heart attack Tuesday night, and was gone by Wednesday morning. They were in Florida and I hadn’t seen him since September. I’ve been in such a hole of grief and I miss him so much. Adding this to my dog dying in February and having a miscarriage in January. I don’t know how someone is supposed to handle it all. AND compounded with my son passing away in 2020. I’ve been an absolute mess.

Our daughter had a tonsillectomy scheduled for this morning. Mourning over my dad and fearing for her surgery has really affected me. Being in the surgery center was so triggering from my D&C, and then also seeing my daughter hooked up to tubes and heart rate monitored staring at the screen that beeps for her heart rate, blood oxygen levels, etc.  I almost had a panic attack from PTSD of staring at the same screen for 5 1/2 weeks when my son was in NICU. Luckily the nurses were great and everything went well. 

I’m also still spotting, going on 14 days. I might be getting a YI or my ph levels are out of wack from having so much funky discharge. If it doesn’t stop end of the week I’ll probably make an appt. 

I’m thinking I might need to start therapy again. I did back in 2020 and with going through everything this year I’m really struggling. Alcohol can’t be my only escape. 

acleverusername

@bearmomma1 I am so sorry for the string of losses you've just suffered. The loss of your father must be such a hard hit given that it was so unexpected. I think you already know the answer... please reach out to a therapist. Don't even question needing one; it's always better to have an appointment and not say anything, than not have an appointment and have so much to say with no outlet. Please let me know if there's anything I can do. 🙏🏻🐙

anniemarie887

@bearmomma1 my heart hurts so much for you. and it really feels like the universe stacks against us sometimes. i agree with clever, get an appointment, even if you only go a few times it's nice to have a space to let the emotions out. sending you a big, creepy, internet stranger hug. that's a lot to handle. 

thankfullyamama

@bearmomma1 there are no words that I could type that could conjure the amount of sympathy I have for you right now with all the loss that has surrounded your life these past few years. You are so strong to keep moving forward like you have. I don’t know how you are not currently in therapy still after all the suffering you have been through! There is no shame in restarting! 

How is your daughter doing post surgery!? It is absolutely understandable the PSTD you would have felt being there and watching her and I am so sorry you had to go through that ♥️

thankfullyamama

.

acleverusername

@tryingktogku I've definitely said some insensitive things earlier on in my time here, and learned from it. Luckily, the ladies here are quick to forgive and forget... quicker than we are on ourselves. I hope you do stick around. 

annanbby

@bearmomma1 gosh, I'm so heartbroken for you and so sorry you're going through all of that. The loss of your dad sounds like it was very shocking. I agree with the ladies here, therapy is such a wonderful place to let everything out, and eventually take steps forward (and there's never a rush to do so). I hope you'll give it another try.

TW for loss:

I can only imagine the horror of having to sit there with those monitors again. I definitely have PTSD from my daughter's hospital stay and losing her, so I can understand those scary, triggering moments. 

anniemarie887

@bearmomma1 not sure what your musical style is, but I’m a massive Adele fan and while her most recent album is largely about her divorce many of the lyrics are applicable to hard times in life. 

Hold On got me through a lot of crying around my most recent loss. There is absolutely catharsis in crying (or screaming). The chorus and bridge of Hold On is one of the most poignant combinations written IMO. (And if you’re really an emotional music person, just be warned the next track on the album To Be Loved is possibly the saddest song ever written. I am very happily married, but woof, it makes me cry.)

[Chorus]
Just hold on (Hold on)
Let time be patient
You are still strong (You are still strong)
Let pain be gracious (Love will soon come)
Just hold on (You, just hold on, you, just hold on)
Hold on (You, just hold on, just hold on)

[Bridge]
Sometimes loneliness is the only rest we get
(Just hold on, just hold on)
And the emptiness actually lets us forget
(Just hold on, just hold on)
Sometimes forgiveness is easiest in secret
(Just hold on, just hold on, just hold on, just hold on)

maggiemadeit

@bearmomma1 I am so sorry for your losses and everything you are going through. I hope you can find some peace and healing in the midst of it all. Therapy seems like a great place to start. Thinking of you. 

mrsmtothek

@bearmomma1 There isn't anything I could say to possibly begin to make you feel better. But we're here for you. We love you.

bearmomma1

Thank you everyone for your kind words. Every creepy stranger internet hug really means a lot 🥲 
@anniemarie887 the new Adele song was on the radio on our way to my D&C. I haven’t been able to listen to her or that song since. Dave Matthews has really been making me cry but really feeling all the things I need to feel. 

@annanbby I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through something similar. Not something I’d wish on my worst enemy. 

caseys02

@bearmomma1 I am so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug. 

I'm telling my PCP I need to go back on my SSRI med. I've been off it for almost s year and a half now and my anxiety is at it's worst it's been in a long time and I'm not ready to go through another summer with the depression I had last summer.  

I know there are  many things I can do that would with my emotions personally but I just keep shoving them under the rug and trudging on instead of facing them. I do that to protect my heart because it tears me down with the memories and feelings and I have broken heart syndrome and it really feels like I am having a heart attack. Which some days I relish to know I can feel that with her memories but it's still not a healthy thing.

Also SO said he doesn't want to do IF, which I figured he would once he got his insurance and we got closer and it was all just excused but man just pissed me off and doesn't help everything else going on with my mood. 

acleverusername

@caseys02 WOAH! That is quite the about face from your partner. How are you feeling about this? 

anniemarie887

@casey02 i think that's great you are aware of your own mental health and making that change! i'm really sorry about your partner's change of heart, do you think it's something you guys can talk through?

anniemarie887

@tryingktogku i think your comment went MIA, but i realized i didn't respond. i know you apologized and i do think that goes a long way... i think without trying to make this sound like grief olympics... we just have to be mindful in the IF space there are just so many ppl who have it so much worse and that doesn't take away from your struggles. but we've got to think about what would someone who has no baby think of comment - and that's something i ask myself as someone who does have a LC.

caseys02

@acleverusername @anniemarie887 yea I'm kinda pissed and upset about it. I don't believe he'll change his mind honestly. He's waffled back and forth over the past two years about it and my exdh didn't want kids but we had one any way. I don't want to be in that position with someone again so I'm just going to let it lie. 

thankfullyamama

@anniemarie887 that’s a great question to ask yourself before posting! I’ll definitely be using that!