Weekly Randoms w/o 2.21

inthewoods23

jellie603

Our dog finally had her ACL surgery this past Friday! She tore is a month ago and we needed to wait for the surgeon to be in town (small town VT ammiright). She had a TPLO and a meniscus repair. 12 week recovery time - yikes. She is in the cone of shame for 2 weeks until her staples come out and she is just a very sad lamp 😂

picture of the sad lamp in the spoiler. 

sjb2215

Anyone a minivan mom? We are looking to upgrade to a minivan as this is our 3rd. Right now looking at a 2017 used Chrysler Pacifica. Any must have features? 

inthewoods23

Question for the masses...

Is there anything we can do to make this group more engaging? I feel like most people post their weekly check in and that's it. I'm one of a few even creating the threads! There's only so much one can do to get people to participate.

I know people are busy with work and things are chaotic with covid, but I'd love to get to know people outside how far along they are in their pregnancy and how they're feeling from it!

LJMoon6

@inthewoods23 I was going to post something similar. Our board seems super slow compared to others. And especially compared to a few years ago. Our group is so small to begin with. Maybe that's half our problem.


Should we maybe try to do more GTKY threads? (BTW, anyone can start any thread they want!)

cmhme

@inthewoods23 I do feel like we have had some good conversations so don’t give up, I appreciate your efforts to starts threads!

sjb2215

@inthewoods23 I also appreciate your efforts to start threads! I do think our group is smaller. With DS1, we still have ~50-60 in our private FB group, DS2 bump group only has like 15, less than 2 years apart.

For me it's hard to post a lot in all those groups but I do read threads and comment when I can

feather_heather

@inthewoods23 - Maybe if we transition over to a private group people would be more willing to share more and open up? I know once my Dec20' group moved over to private we were able to share our faces and really introduce ourselves and it felt more like talking to friends. 

I'd be in favor of moving to a private TB group now (format is more engaging) and then possibly moving to a private facebook group once the babies are born (easier to access). This is how we handled it for Dec20' and it worked out well. We were able to get to know one another on a more personal level in the private group and then properly vet out any randos before we moved to facebook. 

LJMoon6

@feather_heather This is how we did it too. We moved to a private TB group first, then once babies were born we moved over to FB. We had a verification process to make sure people were real before we moved private (take a picture with a random object and your EDD and username written out). I wonder if that would help participation. But I also wonder if we’re a little too early for the transition? Do you think we’ll get any more participation if we stay public a little while longer?

It’s crazy because I think there’s a really big baby boom going on right now and yet this group is sooooo small! Where is everyone?!

feather_heather

@LJMoon6 - Yeah it would definitely be an earlier transition than most groups and I also wonder if it end up making our group even smaller. But maybe a smaller more intimate group would be more engaging with one another? I'm in a smaller FB messenger group with other moms (I think there is 15 of us) and we literally know everything about one another now - even sent one another our family Christmas cards lol 

jellie603

@inthewoods23 I appreciate all of your work creating the threads! Honestly, I am on TB pretty much "all day" because I don't want to do any work at all haha. I am definitely open to moving to a private TB group now and possible a FB a littler later!

francesgs

I appreciate all the efforts from you guys creating threads and being active… I would be on board with a private fb group. The bump mobile app is just so ehh… 

runnergirl2018

I think the thread thing is sometimes hard to keep up with - and personally i do things on my phone a lot and it’s just cumbersome with how TB is organized- compared to something like a group chat or a FB group or something more private. Sometimes i have almost shared stuff here and then been like, Oh that would make me really identifiable and i don’t know if i want that here

sunshineandlemons

I echo everyone else and want to say thank you, @inthewoods23 for always starting threads!!

Ive not participated as often after having Covid. I’m exhausted and don’t have much steam after my kids go to bed. Then, work’s been picking up so I’ve not had as much down time during the day. 😅 I will try to be better!!

stardustskies

Agreed! When my son was born 3/2018 our birth month group also moved to FB and it was so much easier. I also want to echo a thank you for starting threads!

bearsandbeets7

@sjb2215 my sister recently got a Chrysler Pacifica, I have ridden in it a few times and I like how it rides. She has lots of space and seems to like it! We recently got a new vehicle as this is our 3rd as well but opted for an SUV. We got a Chevy traverse and it has third row with captains seats. I love it but my kiddos are also 7 and 5 so able to get in and buckle themselves in and things like that. If I had younger kids on top of another baby I would have probably went the minivan route. 

I will say I do bump a lot on my phone and the format is a little difficult sometimes. Also work changed their phone policy so when I am out on the floor(I work for a bank) and in camera view I can’t be on my phone or it will be a finding when audited. So I haven’t been able to keep up as much since I work all day and then put my mom hat on when I get home. 

I find it super difficult to keep up with the weekly checkin thread because I want to be able to engage but going back and responding gets difficult on the phone. We did transition to Facebook towards the end of pregnancies in my Aug16 board. 

sunshineandlemons

I agree with other that the bump (especially mobile) isn’t the easiest to use.

I’d also add I don’t need someone to comment on something I say just for engagement/acknowledgment. I’m happy with just a like, if anything. Of course, comment if you can commiserate, have feedback, etc., I just don’t want anyone to feel obligated to acknowledge what I wrote with text. 😊 I mean that nicely and not to discourage engagement, but like other mamas, I know it can feel overwhelming to feel like you need to respond to everyone.

inthewoods23

@LJMoon6 I'm sure part of the lower "attendance" is because covid world is crazy, especially those with young kids. I definitely recall lurking into BMBs from 2018/2019 and those boards would have 300+ intros! We're lucky to get 150 these days. And yes, more GTKY could be good.

@sunshineandlemons we've had that conversation on the TTGP board while I was there a handful of times that it's totally okay to skip people if you don't have anything to add. Maybe we'd have more to add besides "that's sounds fun!" if we all had more time haha.


And yes, echoing everyone else that using TB on mobile/the app is difficult! I'm sure every forum is that way TBH. I was WFH for almost all of January and half of February with the surge in covid cases so it was much easier to type everything up for threads. On the phone it takes forever.

What time do people usually start thinking about moving to a PG or FB? FTM here so it's all new to me besides what I've been able to gather from lurking. FB would be easier to use IMO simply because I'd actually get the notifications on my phone. TB's notifications aren't actually push notifications on your phone so you have to actively go check for responses.

Also... And I don't want to stir the pot here, but I wonder if some lack of participation has to do with some of the tension that happened a few months ago when there was an attempt at having a birthing thread? I don't know if we just need to be more mindful that everyone's experiences are different. I think we range in the mid 20s to 40 and also we all live in different areas and options could be limited.

And frankly, some context when we talk about the products we use/don't use in the product spotlights would be good too. A couple times I've gotten "you don't need this" like it's the law vibes and that's a little off putting. Again, just be mindful that we all have differences in needs and can only afford so much, things like that.

I hope I'm not too off base here. 

lilirunning34

I am terrible at checking in places even on my BMB FB groups. I go through spurts of keeping up but then I fall behind and it’s hard to get back into the groove and you can have a hard time following where people are in their lives. I was very active on TB and another place with my other kids, but I feel like after each kid I get less and less active here. 

oli9

I had a really bad experience on TB in 2012 with 
my now 9 year old daughters pregnancy where I felt like I was bullied because I posted a ‘selfie’ of my proud pregnant self and I guess at the time selfies weren’t really a thing, so some members of the group decided that it would be a good idea to mock me and make rude comments about me being vain etc. When I defended myself and mentioned that I thought the group had more interest in bullying than being supportive of expecting mothers, I was banned for like 8 million years 🤣 I didn’t even want to get back on here with this pregnancy and I sure as hell was super hesitant to post anything or respond to any posts, but because I don’t have any other social media and I was feeling a little isolated and alone with my pregnant hormonal emotions, I decided to dive in and see what happened this time around. I’ve been trying to be more active in the group since I THINK it’s somewhat of a safe space so far, and thank you for starting threads and helping us to engage! 

stardustskies

@oli9 I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with the bump last time. Hopefully in this group we will be able to offer each other support when we need it. 

tuxielove93

@oli9 I’m so sorry that happened to you. I was bullied out of my first bmb like a year and a half after the babies were born because of the way my son sleeps. Basically I refused to do CIO and a mom accused me of borderline abusing my kid because I wouldn’t go to that extreme to get his sleep under control. It was a bad time. I think anywhere on the internet you can find people willing to be extremely cruel, and the only real way to deal with it is to walk away as much as you have to for yourself. 

@inthewoods23 for keeping the regular threads going! 

We actually moved to private right around now with my last group if I remember correctly. I’m happy to do private here or Facebook whenever everyone feels ready with the verification photo 

zinnia19

I do appreciate everyone that starts threads. As a FTM this is all new to me so I feel like I’ve been following the lead of others. I have a feeling that some people might be not be sure what threads are appropriate to start, and it’s easier to just ask a question to the Questions thread. Maybe we need more suggestions of good threads topics! I do enjoy the weekly check in thread, and reading everyone’s responses. The product threads are interesting but I just lurk since I’m a FTM. I would be fine if the group was private, but if it moves to Facebook I’m unfortunately out. I’ve been off of FB for 10 years now, I found it to be toxic for me personally. It would be nice to be able to see everyone’s faces in a private group! Anyway, I’ve been enjoying how positive and nonjudgmental this group has been. I had looked at the forum for baby center and it didn’t seem as respectful. For now, this level of engagement is great for me, personally. I appreciate you all! It’s been so helpful as a FTM! 😊

inthewoods23

@oli9 my understanding of TB pre-2015 or so is that it was quite the wild wild west which is unfortunate. Things were much less structured then and I really appreciate having that now.

Baby center is just a mass of "do you see a second line" and symptom spotting up the wazoo and it just seems like a hodge podge of the same questions over and over so I don't understand how you could possibly make connections with others. I've never ventured into their BMBs so I don't know how well organized those are.

@tuxielove93 wait, CIO as in cry it out? Isn't it normally the other way around that people accuse mothers for "ignoring" their kids who are crying? Again... Different methods work for different kids, and different people I would think!

@zinnia19 I'm a FTM too and I'm like, I only know so much about what typically gets posted as pregnancy progresses so I feel we're not doing as much as we could be! I'm wondering if it's possible to have a FB account with no friend connections so that you can be in a FB group 🤔


My preference is FB because I think the threads/posts are organized a bit better compared to what a forum like TB offers. Also I'd actually get notifications on my phone of activity in the group so it's easier to keep up.

LJMoon6

So I know a few people in my old BMB created (or re-activated) their FB pages just so that they could join the private group. We also don’t have to go to FB. There are other options (like reddit or discord… etc). From past experience I’ve noticed that some people have a hard time getting into/accessing the private group on TB. It can be soooo buggy. I would like to move to a private TB group before migrating to a different platform but just wanted to throw that warning out there. Also, I actually found it harder to keep up with conversations on FB than on here. A lot of us felt that way so we just moved the conversation to FB messenger (this could also be an option for some who don’t want to have to access FB itself but don’t want to lose the connection with everyone).

inthewoods23

@LJMoon6 wouldn't reddit also be public? Or is that a side of reddit I don't know?

I do use discord for a few things so that would work for me but I don't really get the organization of it at all! I have such a hard time using the app lol

tuxielove93

My husband uses discord all the time and there are totally ways to have multiple discussions in one group. That’s actually probably a great idea. I still have my Facebook but I don’t really participate much at this point. There is nothing on my profile for months now. It’s just toxic. But I’m still in my mom groups. Anyways, I would love a completely different platform if that’s on the table. 

@inthewoods23 you can’t do anything right as a parent. There is as much hate on the CIO side as on the people who sleep with their kids and refuse to do CIO. Same with baby led weaning versus rice cereal/blended foods and breastfeeding versus formula and basically everything under the sun. People are really invested in THEIR chosen method and can be extremely hateful if people choose to go a different way. 

Personally, I think everyone needs to choose what’s right for their family and themselves and no one else really gets a say. You never know what people are dealing with or where they are coming from. Very few things are truly going to amount to abuse. But especially as a FTM it is really hard to deal with at first because you aren’t as confident in your choices. Having two living breathing happy babies makes me feel more confident about the choices I’ve made so it’s easier to ignore the hate now. But when I was pregnant with my second and sleep deprived and desperate, the hate was hard to deal with. 

inthewoods23

@tuxielove93 ugh, you are so right. I partly want to not see anybody or have visitors for a few days post birth because I'm sure I'll be an emotional mess (took over 4 years to get here for 1 baby) and the last thing I'll need is someone trying to tell me how to do something. I'd rather have the opportunity to ask how to do something than be told.

LJMoon6

@inthewoods23 I’m pretty sure there’s a private groups option for reddit… but I’ve never actually used it myself lol. I’m just relaying what I’ve heard. I also have a hard time with discord but my time on it has been limited.

tuxielove93

@inthewoods23 I am a huge advocate that brand new mamas get whatever they want regardless of what other people in their lives say. I didn’t let anyone come visit until two weeks post birth. My mom took care of our cat and my MIL helped out a bit, but they weren’t really visiting. The second time my mom was here because she was watching my oldest and she’s planning to be here again. They were keeping things running. No one but my husband was at the hospital. My mother in law still feels sad for us. She thinks the nurses must have felt bad for us. But birth is a transformation and an incredibly vulnerable experience. If you don’t want people around, then no people.