FFFC 2/11

KFrob

marionberry19

So my brothers girlfriend and I are both pregnant. This will be my second child and their first. I am due 3 months before them. My son is the only grandchild on my side of the family right now. My son is his nanas whole world. Pretty sure when he was born my brother & I became irrelevant. I am worried that when baby #2 comes, and then shortly after that another grand baby shows up that my son is going to feel overshadowed by the babies and will start to resent them. For context my sons spends all day with nana while I am at work, and so will sibling & cousins. But I’m not sure how I can express this concern to my mom without her thinking that I’m complaining that they’re having a baby too. Since I obviously chose to contribute 1/2 of said babies that I’m worried about effecting his relationships with my family. 

Tulips29

@marionberry19 I can totally understand your concern. I think it's hard to tell how anyone will react until babies come and you see how things are. I would maybe mention your concern to your mom if you're comfortable so she can keep it in mind for the future and still pay enough attention to your son so he doesn't feel overshadowed...or get him involved with the babies when she's spending time with him. We have a similar situation with my husband's sister. We were the first to have a baby and she had hers a year later. Then we were pregnant with #2 at the same time (our 2nd kids are 2 months apart) and now we're again pregnant with #3 at the same time and kids are due a few weeks apart. Our son was everyone's 1st grandbaby so the world revolved around him. When her kid was born a year later, our son didn't really feel much of resentment but we made sure grandparents still got their 1-1 time with him when they could. Now all 4 of our kids hang out with the grandparents at the same time with no issues. Grandparents will do solo time + group play with them, read books to them at the same time, etc so keep everyone engaged. I think I personally felt (and still do at times) that grandparents favor one kid over another in some of their actions I observe, but I try not to focus on it so I don't get bothered too much. Also, our son was more jealous of me spending so much time with a newborn that he took his resentment out on me vs grandparents or the baby. It did eventually pass as well. 

marionberry19

@Tulips29 thank you for your insight. I felt like I was being whiny and irrational and I feel more justified in my concerns.  I did talk with my mom about it and she said she plans to make nana dates with him where they get to do stuff without the babies. But she voiced some concerns about it going the opposite way as he is going to be 5 almost 6 years older than them and that she helped me raise him when he was a baby because bio dad left and that she doesn’t want to make him feel replaced as her baby, but doesn’t want them as they get older to feel like they are in competition with him because she may show favoritism towards him. So at least it’s out there and we can try and keep issues minimal.  

fluteling

My current job is awful and I’m now going to start using “doctor’s appointments” for job interviews.