What Nobody Told Me

and_peggy

Alright all you seasoned moms. What are some things you wish knew about pregnancy, labor/delivery, and postpartum? Talk about those things nobody wants to talk about.

and_peggy

Pregnancy
- you might pee yourself at some point. I still have to cross my legs every time I sneeze

- you may walk around dilated for weeks.

L/D
- you lose all modesty with the number of people that see you naked. (I thought it would just be my dr LOL but yeah, no. Lots of nurses constantly checking your dilation and stuff.)

- most women’s water doesn’t break on its own. I’ve had 4 very fast labors, some gone into labor on my own, and my water has never broken by itself.

- might poop yourself

- you have to birth the placenta after the baby. Sometimes it slides out and sometimes they have to wait to actually contract

- speaking of contractions…after labor the nurses will “massage” aka press your uterus really hard to get it to contract and help go shrink down. They’re uncomfortable especially after just pushing a human out.

- if you have an epidural, you will have a catheter for peeing and you cannot get up and walk around. Also won’t be able to move around immediately after birth.

- if you go into labor during the night, it may be the on call dr that delivers your baby.

- there’s a lot of blood and fluid that comes out of you. It’s pretty gross 😆

Postpartum
- depression and anxiety is normal but if it ever gets overwhelming, talk to someone. There is no shame in that.

- you will bleed for several weeks after baby. I varied but I typically bleed about 10 weeks.

- there’s a very real hormone crash and you may not feel like yourself for a while. It does get better.


There’s just a few, I’m sure i’ll be back for more.

tmartin014

+1 to the on call doctor. I gave birth on a holiday and no one even introduced him to me, he just walked in and said it was time to have a baby 😅 love this thread, will formulate my thoughts and be back for sure!

and_peggy

@tmartin014 my third was 20 minutes from parking lot to in my arms so yeah, on call OB for me too 😆

wisewitch222

Prodromal Labor Is a Thing, and nobody tells you about it.

You read lots about Braxton Hicks, the "practice" contractions that don't really hurt and your uterus just hardens and they stop if you change position. Prodromal labor is not those.

Prodromal labor is real contractions that hurt (sometimes very badly), can be long (like 2-3 minutes long), come at regular intervals, so you can time them with a contraction timer, BUT they don't ever get get close enough together to turn into real labor. (So yes, real contractions, but not real labor.) I had prodromal labor with both my kids, and I wish someone had told me about it the first time because I feel like if I had known prodromal labor was a thing my labor with #1 would not have been an epic adventure where H and I were awake for 2.5 straight days.

DS #1, I started having real contractions that did get closer together, did become very painful (like call the hospital because I can't talk through a contraction painful), but were still only about 5 minutes apart and the hospital kept telling me to stay home. Well I kept walking and walking and eventually I went into the hospital anyway because I was in so much pain, and I walked and walked there to the point that it eventually did become real labor, but it was a hugely prolonged forever labor that in hindsight I know started out as prodromal.

With DS #2 I started having these real, timeable, painful contractions about 2 weeks before his due date and I told my doctor and he was like, "Ah yes, the prodromal labor," so I told him about my first labor and he was like, "Yep," and explained it to me. So for the next three weeks I had prodromal labor and it was just awful, except this time I couldn't walk myself into actual labor because he was positioned in such a away that it hurt my hips to walk. So every night I would time contractions and then go to bed thinking that if the contractions got worse it would wake me up, and every morning I woke up to no contractions. They were not Braxton Hicks, they did not go away with water, it was like having a few hours of early labor every night and it was awful, but at least I knew what it was. Eventually, I was induced at 41 weeks and had a comparatively much easier labor than #2.

starkette

ALL your choices are valid and okay!

You want a natural labor? Great! Doesn't go as planned? That's okay! End up with an epidural? That's totally allowed. (I love epidurals, they are a godsend.)

Want a home birth? Great! Trust yourself!

End up with an emergency c-section? It's not your fault and you did everything right for baby and you.

Want to formula feed? Go for it!

Want to breastfeed for 3 years? You go for it, mama!

We gotta stop mom shaming.

L/D

Research as many possible outcomes before the day arrives.

For my first I only researched what I wanted for my birth plan and didn't dig into all the other possibilities. Ended up being induced bc of preeclampsia and my whole birth plan was thrown out the window. Wish I knew it was okay to trust my doctors. Wish I didn't feel so helpless and scared the whole time.

For my second, I knew I would have a c-section due to vasa previa and I felt so prepared for it. Even though I ended up having her WAY earlier than predicted, I'd already prepared for the c-section and had everything I needed for recovery. I'd had preeclampsia before and knew the procedures and what to expect. I let my doctors take the reins and felt much more comforted in my choices. It was scary, but ultimately okay.

Hospital Bag

Pack chapstick, nice lotion, face moisturizer, dry shampoo or detangling spray, soft tissues, mascara (to feel human again after birth), hair brush, and saline nose spray. Hospitals are SO DRY. I had to wait 4 days before my c-section because they tried to get my preeclampsia under control. My hair was a matted mess, my nose was so dry it bled constantly, and my face felt like leather.

Most hospitals provide a nice after birth supplies kit. It includes body soap, shampoo/conditioner/ warm socks, chapstick, pads, mesh undies, and deodorant. BUT you can of course pack the brands YOU want with you. After my first (vaginal delivery) I showered in the hospital. After my second (csection) I wanted until I got home.

IF YOU HAVE A C-SECTION:

Get a girdle/abdomen binder. Life saver!

c-section underwear from amazing (under the incision or high waisted) are a MUST. Buy one size larger than your normal size, they tend to run small. I got two different sizes, so as my body shrank over time I could use both.

Buy a shower chair! That way I could sit and wash my hair and take my time. It made showers do-able and relaxing. I had a hard recovery since my c-section wasn't the traditional type. Many people don't experience as much pain, but I could barely walk/stand for more than a few minutes for weeks. The shower chair was totally worth it.

Argon oil on the scar really helps it heal nicely.

Steal those long hospital ice packs for home. (they actually give them to you to keep if you ask nicely)

and_peggy

@starkette I always take (and ask for) as many ice packs, and mesh undies as they’ll allow 😆 great tips

Regarding you - are you doing vbac or are you at risk for VP again?

starkette

@and_peggy I have to have another c-section because of my classical incision. It's a high risk for a uterine rupture if I experience contractions. So I'll be having the baby between 36 and 37 weeks since I can't grow too large, either. Technically, this will be a July baby.

and_peggy

@starkette that makes sense. Fingers crossed it’s all smooth sailing for you this time around.

This will be a July baby too. First 2 were born at 39 weeks. Last 2 at 38 weeks, and depending on the pre-e situation I’ve had twice, I suspect an induction this time around (maybe 38ish weeks). 

wigglyicecream

Add me to the planned c section crew and delivering in July. I have an appointment with high risk this Friday and will ask about the risk of rupture for a vaginal birth but probably going to pick the safer option. 

lmaplejc

@starkette @and_peggy Yes to hoarding all the perineal ice packs and mesh undies!

Pregnancy 

Prenatal yoga (or exercise in general) throughout the second and third trimester really helps prepare your body for the marathon that is birth.

If you can, hire a doula.

L/D

Sometimes babies don’t want out.  I kept thinking labor would magically happen, but I made it to just shy of 42 weeks and had to do an induction.

Castor oil is not fun, do not recommend and didn’t help. 🥴

Eat before going to the hospital they discourage eating and drinking in case you need a c-section.

Try to get a port and not an IV for as long as possible so you are free to move.

A peanut ball is a great tool to help you progress if you get an epidural.

Postpartum 

I had a 4th degree tear so I was not prepared for the recovery.   Going to the bathroom was the worst.  Colace and a sitz bath were my bffs.

If your partner can swing 2-3 weeks off post delivery do it.  I could barely walk, and each day was needed.

Breastfeeding hurts in the beginning.  Even with a perfect latch, nipples are not used to all that activity, and letdown itself was painful.   I’ve heard people say it shouldn’t hurt…that’s just not reality for most people.  But it gets better. 

mdfarmchick

Some of this I can’t deal with right now but I will be back to add later. 

… most people’s water don’t break. Mine has broken every single time and then my contractions stop. I thought it was stress the first time and a weird fluke the second. With number 3, they were kind enough to let me try to labor on my own and my contractions just weren’t consistent or productive so I got the pitocin anyway. By number 4, I am just signing up for pitocin when I get there. 

I have had all three of my children with no one in the room ready. With 1, my doctor was the only one who believed me that I was going to have a baby momentarily. He caught the baby and handed him to MH. With 2, I went from 6 cm to a baby’s head in less than a half hour and the on call doctor didn’t make it in the room from the end of the hallway until after the nurse had caught him and was handing him to MH. My OB was 30 minutes late. With 3, I went from a 6, to a baby’s head in 20ish minutes. The head nurse didn’t believe me or MH when we said if I was a six you should call my OB. He got there 30 minutes late. Also the on call doc was in the cafeteria and didn’t make it. MH caught him because the nurse was not prepared. That doesn’t mean this is your experience. I’m just here you tell you that labor can be long but the time from halfway to a baby can go very very fast for some. 

I have also gone into labor 2-3 weeks early with every baby. With my first, they stopped my labor. A lot of doctors won’t talk about it or admit it but if you are less than halfway dilated and something happens to put you into fight or flight ((in my case, an inexperienced nurse missing a vein in my hand trying to put in a port—it hurt so much worse than childbirth by the way)), your body can react by halting labor so you can flee. It was the worst. 

Prodromal labor is the worst and I didn’t know it was a thing with my first. 

I hate pain medicine and have chosen to skip an epidural every time I have gone into labor, even with pitocin turned up to the highest setting. Pitocin also sucks, fyi. It makes my contractions feel like they burn. Anyway, I’m just here to say that if you choose not to get an epidural, you will probably be pressured by everyone and their brother to get one. You don’t have to do it. And you will be fine. And if you want one, you should absolutely get it. My fear of needles is greater than my fear of pain. Also, I’m okay with general anesthesia if I need an emergency c section. 

Also, my inductions were 3 hours, 3 days, and 32ish hours. Don’t be afraid to ask for a nap… I don’t want an epidural but with my third I got two really nice medicine induced naps while the pitocin worked and MH just helped me roll over whenever the nurse said. It was amazing. Also, just because your labor is long doesn’t mean you have to have a c section. The best piece of advice for me was that if it is an emergency, it will feel like an emergency… everyone will be in your room, someone will be telling you facts very very quickly and it will feel like an emergency. I was pressured with my first and second to have a c section out of convenience for the doctor on call and the nurses. I say this with ZERO judgment at all for anyone who has a c section. We are all moms and however you birth your baby is hard work and you deserve a medal and a spa day. Just remember, you don’t have to get a c section because the nurse or on call doctor want you to have one for their schedule. 

Also, ultrasounds to guess your baby’s weight are notoriously inaccurate. Plus or minus more than a pound either way. So your 9 lb estimated baby may only be 7.5 or they may be over 10 lbs. Just keep that in mind. But if you have a linebacker hubby who is over 6’ tall, well… maybe you’ll have big babies. 😬

This is your birth. Make a birth plan so you have an outline of things that you would like, ideally, for your labor and delivery. And then know that it will absolutely not be the way you pictured. And it will not matter once you are holding that precious new baby in your hands. You did it. You are a rockstar and no matter how this goes, you are a momma who survived blood, sweat and tears to bring this baby to our world. Congratulations. It really is living with a piece of your heart outside of your body. 

Oh and I think every single woman deserves a doula. Look into it. Best decision ever and MH tells all his friends that it is worth every penny. Even with #3 when she couldn’t be there, she was available for most of our texts and questions. He says that the doula isn’t for me so much as it is for him—it makes it so he feels like he can grab food, go to the bathroom or check on the kids at home and he isn’t leaving me alone. And the doula is also really great at telling him what he should or can be doing to support me in the moment, where as he normally feels clueless.