I guess I just to *vent* and see, is this hormones or does she really need to chill out? Anyone also been pregnant at the same time as a sibling? My little sister is pregnant, 3 months behind me, both FTM. We live in different states, I moved away. Anyways, she's always calling me and the family helps/is trying to help because she's well- broke. Honestly, she just got a job like 2 weeks ago. And she's sooo picky. She called me this morning and was mad that our grandmother had assumed to throw her baby-shower outside on her patio and didn't suggest renting a venue etc. and made the comment "if they can't do what I want then they can just stop" but I feel like that is being wayyyyy under-appreciative considering she's buying like almost all the nursery furniture for her and is helping financially with everything. Plus she's older- she probably didn't even realize she wanted to rent a venue out for a baby-shower? She's also mad the family tried to donate her a dresser-set instead of buy her a new one for the baby, saying she doesn't need "old used-up junk" and she wants everything to match and is mad that our grandmother told her she wasn't spending $300 on this specific crib she wanted (because she can't afford too AND buy new furniture!) and idk. I feel like she's being extra. I get its her first, but I'm a FTM too and I'm not being no where near that picky but me and my husband have bought all our own "big stuff" and I actually have tons of hand-me-downs from my SIL and I don't understand why she's being so crazy. I really just want to snap and tell her beggars can't be choosers and to appreciate what the family is trying to do so she can have what she needs but when I try to defend their actions she gets mad at me and goes on about "my baby my choice" and I get that butttt. Idk. Y'all are wiser than me, lol. Am I being a mean big sister telling her she needs to shut up and chill out and appreciate what shes getting? I feel like since she's not the one actually spending money she's going "all out" expecting the family too and that is just rude to me.
Sorry for the long post. She called at 7 this AM and I was just astonished at how she was talking and I had to get off the phone lol, I didn't know what to say honestly.
@sph97 no, I definitely don’t think you’re being unreasonable here. She sounds super ungrateful for everything that your family is willing to do for her.
ETA I know everyone has different financial situations and pregnancy circumstances but no matter what I would absolutely not expect family and friends to spend a ton of money on me to buy my baby all new things. That’s so rude. Also the baby literally will not care what the nursery looks like, if the furniture is “mismatched” or old the only one it’s going to bother is your sister. She could also refinish and paint the dresser to match whatever she wants
eta part 2 but as someone who had covid shut down their first pregnancy, I would’ve loved to have ANY sort of baby shower to celebrate my pregnancy/baby, regardless of location. So you can tell her to just be grateful from me too 😆
@b_1029 thank you! Because she seemed real upset with me when I told her she needed to calm down its not a big deal, and that you don't even use some of this stuff for long there is no reason to go all out. My own nursery doesn't "match" but I guess we just didn't care about those smaller details like she does? Idk. I'm probably just going to have to have a come-to-Jesus meeting with her because I'm afraid she's gonna start ticking off family and she NEEDS the help. Which is fine, people make it work everyday, but she definitely has champagne taste on a beer budget lol.
@sph97 no, I definitely don’t think you’re being unreasonable here. She sounds super ungrateful for everything that your family is willing to do for her.
ETA I know everyone has different financial situations and pregnancy circumstances but no matter what I would absolutely not expect family and friends to spend a ton of money on me to buy my baby all new things. That’s so rude. Also the baby literally will not care what the nursery looks like, if the furniture is “mismatched” or old the only one it’s going to bother is your sister. She could also refinish and paint the dresser to match whatever she wants
eta part 2 but as someone who had covid shut down their first pregnancy, I would’ve loved to have ANY sort of baby shower to celebrate my pregnancy/baby, regardless of location. So you can tell her to just be grateful from me too 😆
ALLLLL of this!! IMHO If she wants matchy matchy and expensive shit then she can quit bitching and buy it herself. Same for the baby shower too - she can still have things “she wants” without having to pay to have it at a venue!!! When you actually NEED the help, you shouldn’t be ungrateful for other’s gifts.
@sph97 that would be SO frustrating especially as another FTM that needs things too! I know you said you can afford it, but I’d be so annoyed if everyone else were giving my sister things for free and then she whined to me about it even though I bought my own things. Or maybe I’m just petty lol
@sph97 yeah your sis is being a bit unreasonable. I'm bougie and like everything matchy matchy and do have expensive taste, but, I also don't expect my family to pay for it. I think re: the shower, yes, it's her shower, but she's not paying for it so her say only matters so much. I just had general input on theme and food selections. Also every baby shower (and I think bridal showers too) I've been to has been at someone's house lol 🤷♀️ is that not common? It's just so much more expensive to have a venue, would rather spend money on food and booze.
Winning: today is my one year SURGIVERSARY!!! I made the decision to have gastric sleeve surgery after years of being severely obese and unhealthy, and after MANY unsuccessful options such as diets/exercise routines/endo visits/even drugs did not work. I was diabetic, had hypertension, and metabolic syndrome. All of that has completely disappeared. I lost over 100lbs before finding out I was pregnant and hopefully I’ll get right back on track after baby is born. I had started to finally gain back my health and confidence, and even though it was the hardest thing I’ve done in my life, it was 💯 the right choice! I’d share pics with y’all but.. it’s TB. 😂
@MrsLaLaBug Thank you! I guess I needed other opinions because I didn't know if I was just getting aggravated because shes my sister or if this is really just as ridiculous as I feel like it is. & I agree that she needs the help and should be grateful, I think that's why it upsets me. I LOVE that me and my husband can do this on our own, but she has no idea how much money she is saving!! & my family isn't just "well off" by any means either, so its taking all of us to pitch in. So my husband is getting a little salty about helping getting her stuff with how she's been acting.
@sph97 oh I’d be salty too. Babies in general aren’t cheap… it’s hard to want to help people that don’t know how good they have it by receiving gifts from others. I have had very similar situations with my own sister all our lives, she was aways falling into some kind of hole that everyone else was digging her out of. And a lot of times she acted like she had ZERO idea how without other people helping her, she would have literally had NOTHING. It made our relationship very distant for a long while until she began to grow up and realize how good she had it when others were helping her adult.
@pajamstagrams I told her they were usually at someones house lol. Mine is at my church just because we have a fellowship hall and several members wanted to help host as well. I'm not sure why she is set on a venue, I think its like a barn with an outside patio. I'm sure my grandmother will end up getting it, just because that's what she wants. My grandmother just hates to rent a place out when we could use that money towards the baby or something else, so I understand her point for sure!
@b_1029 no, your not petty because this is definitely how I feel lol! Fortunately my in-laws are really amazing and they have gave us so much, its hand-me-downs but like NICE stuff! I have a momaroo swing they gave me, and went 1/2 with us to get a doona car-seat (we found one on sale around Christmas for $300!) as my "big present", I'm getting a bedside bassinet from my SIL so I am definitely fortunate!
my WTF is this weather. Dreary and rainy for the next 24+ hours, then it’s apparently turning into an ice storm and snow Thursday night. Daycare is already closed on Friday. Blarghhhhh.
Winning = since I was just laying there not sleeping anyway, I made it to the gym this morning!
Congrats @MrsLaLaBug! That’s wonderful news. With the right attitude, determination and hard work, you’ll get right to where you want to be in time!
@sph97 that sounds tricky and incredibly frustrating. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, SHE is. But perhaps there’s more to it than what shows at the surface? Is there something deeper that’s affecting her? It sounds as though she’s doing this alone (I mean without a partner - I understand that family is helping out greatly) so perhaps she’s trying to overcompensate? Or she has parenting fears so wants everything to look just perfect so she can use that as a mask? Could it be jealousy as you’re both pregnant at the same time but in very different situations? I don’t know her, I’m just throwing out ideas. Is there a virtual parenting class you could do together? Or set up your registries together? Or is there something you could open up and be vulnerable with her about to show that you “don’t have it all figured out” either - we’re all just faking it til we make it.
@annashaf her and the father are together, but they JUST started dating and it wasn't suppose to get "serious" so I do feel like shes fixating on making everything "perfect" maybe to make-up this being "unplanned" if you know what I mean? She was talking about leaving him before they found out, but she dates al ot and this is gonna sound mean but we weren't exactly *surprised* when she announced because we've been telling her she needed to be careful for years and slow down, learn to live on her own before she ended up starting a family before she was ready. I've tried to help her with her registry and little things but she's very adamant on her doing it herself, she's told me "I don't like the same things you do so don't worry about it" lol. Which our whole life has been this way. She does compare her life to mine, and I've tried to explain to her countless times I worked hard to be where I am at and that included sacrificing my free time and "luxury." Until now (obviously) she was a big partier, her money typically went to partying or like name-brand clothes/shoes/make-up. She's definitely very particular about her appearance, so I think that is a part of it. Everything NEEDS to LOOK "perfect" and candid for her to be happy. She compares her BD to my husband- ALOT. So I'm sure there is something there too maybe idk. I feel bad about her situation, but I mean it was gonna happen eventually if that makes sense. I know that sounds terrible, but seriously as a family we've talked about it several times and we just worried that she was gonna end up in a situation like this and here we are.
Very similar to @MrsLaLaBug sister-situation, she is always in distress it feels like. And she kinda does it to herself, and acts like she has no idea how she got there and doesn't acknowledge that she gets helps when she's never been independent. We're both in our mid-20's, only 1 year apart.
@sph97 oh gosh I could’ve written most of that myself LOL!!! Sounds like we have similar sibling situations. Along out way she has always been in some kind of predicament whether it be hanging with wrong crowd, getting herself into debt with no way out, flitting from job to job(being fired several times for irresponsible reasons), just downright quitting college, trade school, a paralegal course, and most recently real estate school - all of which my parents paid for, totaling vehicles bc of reckless driving, drug use, being arrested, never paying for things like her own cell phone or car insurance, etc etc. For a good long while she resented me, and told me to my face on several occasions that it was because she thought of me as the “golden poster child” who did everything right and “in order” according to how my parents raised us. Like meaning I graduated high school, went to college, found a job, got married, bought a home, then had a family. And while it’s true that was how our parents raised us or at least hoped we would go about our lives, I would always try to tell her that just because we made different choices and took different paths, it never made me “better” than her. She never believed that until recently when some very hard circumstances I think have finally forced her to grow up, and she’s in her mid thirties now with 2 kids. But now our relationship is much better than it’s ever been, I’m happy to say.
@sph97 definitely don’t think you’re being unreasonable. In all honesty, I hate hate hate when people expect anything at all. Your family doesn’t owe you a shower at all. If you complain about what you’re given, I’m just gonna take it back and return it. Especially if I’m also pregnant at the time too. I also feel like we could start an AITA thread on here 😂
WTF goes out to my sinuses which are in total revolt right now (probably because it’s almost 70 and they’re calling for snow this weekend and I’m just ready for spring. I live in the south for a reason lol and that reason is I hate winter).
Winning is to my doctor who basically told me today since I’ve recovered from covid and have no complaints she’s going to push out my appointments another 2 weeks (I should be moving to going in every 2 weeks starting in 10 days but she’s having me wait until 30 weeks to start that). She’s also scheduling me for another growth US in 6 weeks. My OB is a huge practice and is always slammed, and it’s such a hassle to get up there especially since they aren’t allowing children in the office still (babies aside), so getting to push all that back and not have to start coming in constantly yet?? Yes please!
@MrsLaLaBug yes! I gave her my old car instead of trading in it and she totaled it in two months.. that was the second one we've got her! My grandma got the first one. She was on my phone bill foreverrrr until I found out what she was doing and dropped her when I found out some things. She did up finally finish getting a 1 year trade degree but wasn't able to take a good job because she could pass a drug test. We actually grew up in the system, and our parents were not ideal. I was the "bad kid" but I straightened up as I got older (my husband has definitely been a huge part of that in the best way!) and she was the one everyone thought would be successful and go to college etc, and she ended up going wild and just never got back on track again so idk. We're close, but usually only when she needs something. If I piss her off soon I won't hear from her, and we don't hear from her when she's on her spells until she needs us again. I do worry about her being a mom, so I'm just praying the baby settles her down and that this crazy-FTM everything needs to be perfect thing she's doing is her preparing to be a good mother?
Thank you all for your responses and support! I do';t really talk to anyone but my husband about this and he gets tired of it so it was nice to get off my chest and read y'alls input!!
MrsLaLaBug
member
Re: WTF/Winning Wednesday - 2/2
Anyone also been pregnant at the same time as a sibling?
My little sister is pregnant, 3 months behind me, both FTM. We live in different states, I moved away. Anyways, she's always calling me and the family helps/is trying to help because she's well- broke. Honestly, she just got a job like 2 weeks ago. And she's sooo picky. She called me this morning and was mad that our grandmother had assumed to throw her baby-shower outside on her patio and didn't suggest renting a venue etc. and made the comment "if they can't do what I want then they can just stop" but I feel like that is being wayyyyy under-appreciative considering she's buying like almost all the nursery furniture for her and is helping financially with everything. Plus she's older- she probably didn't even realize she wanted to rent a venue out for a baby-shower? She's also mad the family tried to donate her a dresser-set instead of buy her a new one for the baby, saying she doesn't need "old used-up junk" and she wants everything to match and is mad that our grandmother told her she wasn't spending $300 on this specific crib she wanted (because she can't afford too AND buy new furniture!) and idk. I feel like she's being extra. I get its her first, but I'm a FTM too and I'm not being no where near that picky but me and my husband have bought all our own "big stuff" and I actually have tons of hand-me-downs from my SIL and I don't understand why she's being so crazy. I really just want to snap and tell her beggars can't be choosers and to appreciate what the family is trying to do so she can have what she needs but when I try to defend their actions she gets mad at me and goes on about "my baby my choice" and I get that butttt. Idk. Y'all are wiser than me, lol. Am I being a mean big sister telling her she needs to shut up and chill out and appreciate what shes getting? I feel like since she's not the one actually spending money she's going "all out" expecting the family too and that is just rude to me.
Sorry for the long post. She called at 7 this AM and I was just astonished at how she was talking and I had to get off the phone lol, I didn't know what to say honestly.
eta part 2 but as someone who had covid shut down their first pregnancy, I would’ve loved to have ANY sort of baby shower to celebrate my pregnancy/baby, regardless of location. So you can tell her to just be grateful from me too 😆
sorry for all the edits. Bump and I are fighting
today is my one year SURGIVERSARY!!! I made the decision to have gastric sleeve surgery after years of being severely obese and unhealthy, and after MANY unsuccessful options such as diets/exercise routines/endo visits/even drugs did not work. I was diabetic, had hypertension, and metabolic syndrome. All of that has completely disappeared. I lost over 100lbs before finding out I was pregnant and hopefully I’ll get right back on track after baby is born. I had started to finally gain back my health and confidence, and even though it was the hardest thing I’ve done in my life, it was 💯 the right choice! I’d share pics with y’all but.. it’s TB. 😂
WTF:
6 more weeks of winter… just NO.
Edit to say: Yayy! Congrats on your journey!!
my WTF is this weather. Dreary and rainy for the next 24+ hours, then it’s apparently turning into an ice storm and snow Thursday night. Daycare is already closed on Friday. Blarghhhhh.
@sph97 that sounds tricky and incredibly frustrating. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, SHE is. But perhaps there’s more to it than what shows at the surface? Is there something deeper that’s affecting her? It sounds as though she’s doing this alone (I mean without a partner - I understand that family is helping out greatly) so perhaps she’s trying to overcompensate? Or she has parenting fears so wants everything to look just perfect so she can use that as a mask? Could it be jealousy as you’re both pregnant at the same time but in very different situations? I don’t know her, I’m just throwing out ideas. Is there a virtual parenting class you could do together? Or set up your registries together? Or is there something you could open up and be vulnerable with her about to show that you “don’t have it all figured out” either - we’re all just faking it til we make it.
I've tried to help her with her registry and little things but she's very adamant on her doing it herself, she's told me "I don't like the same things you do so don't worry about it" lol. Which our whole life has been this way.
She does compare her life to mine, and I've tried to explain to her countless times I worked hard to be where I am at and that included sacrificing my free time and "luxury." Until now (obviously) she was a big partier, her money typically went to partying or like name-brand clothes/shoes/make-up. She's definitely very particular about her appearance, so I think that is a part of it. Everything NEEDS to LOOK "perfect" and candid for her to be happy.
She compares her BD to my husband- ALOT. So I'm sure there is something there too maybe idk. I feel bad about her situation, but I mean it was gonna happen eventually if that makes sense. I know that sounds terrible, but seriously as a family we've talked about it several times and we just worried that she was gonna end up in a situation like this and here we are.
Very similar to @MrsLaLaBug sister-situation, she is always in distress it feels like. And she kinda does it to herself, and acts like she has no idea how she got there and doesn't acknowledge that she gets helps when she's never been independent. We're both in our mid-20's, only 1 year apart.
WTF goes out to my sinuses which are in total revolt right now (probably because it’s almost 70 and they’re calling for snow this weekend and I’m just ready for spring. I live in the south for a reason lol and that reason is I hate winter).
Winning is to my doctor who basically told me today since I’ve recovered from covid and have no complaints she’s going to push out my appointments another 2 weeks (I should be moving to going in every 2 weeks starting in 10 days but she’s having me wait until 30 weeks to start that). She’s also scheduling me for another growth US in 6 weeks. My OB is a huge practice and is always slammed, and it’s such a hassle to get up there especially since they aren’t allowing children in the office still (babies aside), so getting to push all that back and not have to start coming in constantly yet?? Yes please!
Thank you all for your responses and support! I do';t really talk to anyone but my husband about this and he gets tired of it so it was nice to get off my chest and read y'alls input!!