I was a SAHM now he’s a SAHD. (I work from home). — The Bump
Working Moms

I was a SAHM now he’s a SAHD. (I work from home).

I’ll start by saying I loved being a stay at home mom. I felt it was my calling. I loved cleaning our home, making healthy homemade meals, and teaching my daughter every skill possible. 

I spent her naps playing fetch with the puppy or researching what new recipe I was going to try for her next meal. I spent the rest of the day playing one on one with her or cleaning the house. 

My husband came home to a spotless house and dinner made every single day after work. He ALWAYS complimented me for how smart our daughter was and how her actions were proof that I spent my days teaching her skills. (Flash cards, sign language, puzzles, drawing, sensory play, talking, walking, etc.) 

Just after her first birthday I was offered a job working from home that made double my husband’s salary. It was an offer we could not refuse. I was still able to breastfeed and be home with my baby. My husband was ecstatic to be a SAHD because he was MISERABLE at his job. Overall it seemed like the best option for my family. 

Now we are about a month in and I am at a loss for words. I absolutely LOVE my job. I love that I still get to be involved in my daughters care…..but my husband spends his days on the couch watching TV. He barely cleans anything (only if I ask). He adores our child, but does not spend his days teaching her/playing with her. The house is always a mess. Her meals consist of fast food and the least amount of effort he can put in type of meals. 

I remember being on my period one week and crying to my sister because I gave my daughter frozen waffles for breakfast and spent a few days on the couch. I felt like a failure! He considers that a win because she got fed.

We have talked about it more times than I can count and at this point it feels like wasted breath. I never wanted to pay someone else to raise my child when we could afford to live on one income. But now I feel like she would get more out of daycare than she is getting at home. I don’t know what to do anymore…. 
I still don’t want my child to be gone most of the day and me only be able to see her for a couple hours before bed. 

Advice? 

Re: I was a SAHM now he’s a SAHD. (I work from home).

  • Perhaps getting a neutral third party, like a counselor would help to level your expectations with his. Maybe the compromise is he finds a job to pay for childcare part time.
    DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
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