October 2022 Moms

To the Anxious Mama to Be…

I saw a comment on the introductions page that inspired me to share this.

To the first time mama to be who is anxious and worried…

Take a deep breath & repeat after me, “my body knows what to do and I am doing the most to support my body and my baby.” Repeat until you feel a sense of TRUST within yourself (and your higher power, should you find peace with that).

I know how it feels to be anxious and worried and paranoid over this new life within—is it growing? Is it healthy? Did I remember to take my prenatals last Tuesday? Oh shit, I didn’t—does that mean something will go wrong? Did I workout too hard? All I want is bagels and pizza—that can’t be healthy for the baby?! So-and-so was telling me about her miscarriage and now I am paranoid….All of these questions and anxieties and worries are normal and valid. But, mama, you cannot focus on what is out of control, nor should you worry about things not yet confirmed for you, as they may never be a worry you needed to hold. Miscarriages are not contagious. Whatever food you can stomach to eat during the first trimester nausea is perfectly fine. Worry about broccoli and salad later. Forgot prenatals a day or two? Oops, get back on track. Remember that although there are some general precautions, pregnant women are not highly fragile or weak—you CAN workout, you CAN have sex, you can stretch… in general, there are only a FEW no-no’s and even then, it’s not the end of the world if you had 2 margaritas the night before seeing those first pink lines—OOPS! (also, been there…she’s a totally healthy 2 year old BTW! 🤣)

I am carrying my third. And although I have been here twice before and carried full term to two health babies, I, too, have these worries that bubble up and attempt to steal my joy. Here is what I do: I focus on the POSITIVES and I focus on the things I CAN control:
The Positives:
- Those two pink lines….which were also darker lines a few days later (my HcG must have increased!)
- I am nauseous AF….I choose to take this as a sign that things are going well, my body is surrendering to new life (insert whatever symptom you have)
-I am Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise (IVF community calls this PUPA!) I have NO reasons to actively believe anything else. I am pregnant.

The only things I can control right now:
-I can remember to take prenatals (but know that folate and DHA are also in many foods I eat if I forget a day)
-I can drink water all day and stay hydrated
-I can eat as balanced as I can, but have grace for whatever sounds good
-I can avoid the obvious nono’s: alcohol, certain medications, etc.
-I can take a rest when I need a rest
-I can be active and move my body when I have the energy
-I can trust that my body was made for this and it knows what to do.
-I can enjoy this pregnancy to the maximum extent possible (knowing some days kinda suck, though) and not let worries or anxieties steal my joy.

So, again, deep breath, trust, joy. Go ahead and look at pinterest nurseries. Go ahead and ponder baby names. Plan these things because you are Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. Don’t want to get your hopes up? Mama, your hopes are higher than you even want to admit. So do these things with joy and trust. Don’t face any mountains or obstacles until (and only IF) they become a reality. Unless a doctor specifically restricts you, your body can do pretty much anything it physically did before those two pink lines.

You were made for this.

Re: To the Anxious Mama to Be…

  • @teacherchelsea, completely on the same boat with you! Very nerve racking the unknown.

    Thank you so much for writing this, it is nice knowing you’re not the only one feeling certain ways. Keeping this mantra in mind! <3
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  • Thanks for this! This is my second pregnancy, but I’m still super anxious something will go wrong. PUPA is my new mantra 😉
  • Thank you. You have no idea how well timed this is as a first time mom. (Tear tear)
  • @merostomata I think that's a great idea!
  • @merostomata great idea! Definitely in for that. 
  • Really needed this! I’ve been stuck between excitement, anxiety and not wanting to get too far ahead of myself. Such a weird combination of emotions!
  • @merostomata That's a great idea! I'm in for that as well.
    Me: 34  DH: 34
    Married 10/28/17
    Our TTC Journey
    TTC #1 February '18
    Team Green turned Team Blue 10/15/18

    TTC #2 January '21
    BFP June '21
    MMC/Blighted Ovum that led to D&C July '21
    Jan '22 - started IF testing
    BFP Jan '22
    MMC/Blighted Ovum that led to D&C Feb '22
    BFP May '22

  • Also in for a monthly mental health check in :smile:
  • First time mom here too and I needed this so badly! Thank you!! 
  • Thank you so SO much for this post!! I’m a (mostly terrified, sometimes excited) first time mom and didn’t realize how much I needed to hear this ❤️
    Also super into the monthly mental health check in!!
  • I can’t thank you enough for writing this. I’ve been coming back to it when I start to feel anxious and it’s really helping to quell my nerves ♥️
  • I've been having a lot or anxiety. Thank you for sharing this!
  • As a first time mama & first time ever being prego (also conceived within our first month trying, I thought I’d have trouble getting pregnant!)
    Thank you SO much for this post.
  • First timer AND unexpected as my dad is dying so this was the last thing on out minds! Obvious anxiety about the whole idea with hints of curiosity and joy.
  • @knottieba95fd5ae15c0cc5 My dad died 10 days before my niece was due and I've heard from many people about new life and deaths in the family aligning. Sending you so much good energy your way as you navigate the conflicting emotional waves that come with that.
  • I just wanted to also chime in with a big thank you for this post. Like some others in this thread, it’s my first pregnancy and we got pregnant on the first try. I’m only 5 weeks 3 days today (so I’ve only known for about a week and a half), but I keep coming back to this post every few days for those words of encouragement to help me get out of my head. Just wanted you to know how much I appreciate them ❤️
  • I definitely needed this! Thank you!!
  • Thank you for this. I need to remind myself every 5 minutes. I feel so anxious and depressed thinking about the what-ifs. You would think I’ve suffered multiple losses but this is my first time being pregnant. Especially since I’m at 5w2d. I feel so delicate right now and this isn’t like me. Does it ever get better?
  • I needed this so much. My mind is so anxious on the what if’s. I was only off my birth control for a few weeks and bam I was pregnant. I am going to continually repeat that to myself! Also, all i ever want is bagels 😂😂
  • Thank you for this. I need to remind myself every 5 minutes. I feel so anxious and depressed thinking about the what-ifs. You would think I’ve suffered multiple losses but this is my first time being pregnant. Especially since I’m at 5w2d. I feel so delicate right now and this isn’t like me. Does it ever get better?
    For me it always gets better after the first ultrasound confirms a viable pregnancy. And from there, it just depends on your history of anxiety and worry because there is always the “next big check” like: anatomy scan, glucose level, getting to week 34 for better mortality rates, confirming baby is head down for vaginal delivery, etc. there is always something to “worry about” but if it consumes you, seek guidance and strategies to mitigate. 

    Trust me when I say PPD doesn’t care who you are or how much you’ve wanted a baby. If you see signs of anxiety before the baby is born, definitely plan for a mental health system afterwards. I was not prepared enough for PPD with my first. Now, I’m in a much better mental headspace and know how to healthily manage stress and worries. 

    So, yes and no!! It gets better but as mamas we always worry about something. 
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