@wigglyicecream I saw that Oct opened, so crazy. I was so confused today. I always just automatically click on the second month down (which is now Sept) and I was like “where am I?!” 🤦🏻♀️
@and_peggy not tubes, but I am considering IUD. (Not the hormonal kind. I do not want hormones.) But I'm definitely ready to be done having kids after 3 and so is my spouse and an IUD would provide an extra layer of protection and peace of mind.
With the first tri stretching on forever: I just checked the calendar back to my last pregnancy to see when I would start to feel better. I remember going to my friend's wedding right at the time when I was starting to feel okay. I had my energy back, I had fun at the wedding dancing until like 11, but I was still feeling a little first trimestery about food. It was a destination wedding in this remote beach community at Oregon and all the guests were being put up in family and family friends' beach houses, and I woke up needing to get some breakfast and the closest place I could find some was like five miles away. So I went out to my rental car at 6:30 am ready to drive to the next town over (jet lag was also involved - I live in Eastern) and ran into my friend's mom. I told her I was pregnant in the first trimester and if I didn't get a proper meal I would feel sick the rest of the day. She was so happy for me and took me back to her beach house and made me eggs and toast and bacon. Then later that night at the wedding I made it through the whole buffet line with nothing on my plate because nothing looked appetizing, so I had to go back through and make myself find some food I could at least nibble on. I just checked the calendar -- I was 13 weeks at that wedding. Can't believe I have another two weeks of this
@and_peggy my fiancé and I have discussed him getting a vasectomy after this baby is born. I didn’t do well with my IUD after DD was born so that’s a no for me and I don’t want any more surgeries if I can avoid them. I’m 100% done since I can no longer have vaginal births and don’t want to have to have repeat c sections. With my surgical history from other injuries and stuff the risk to reward isn’t there for me. Also I’m already putting school and my future career on hold for this baby (which I don’t mind) but I’m not getting any younger. I’ll be 35 in august and thinking about trying to recover from a c section at 36,37 etc with 2 kids is just not in my cards.
@wisewitch222 so all our kids were planned. I’m extremely impulsive and I don’t think I’ll ever feel done. But may really regret doing something permanent. Ugh. But I also don’t know about IUDs or bc.
@and_peggy Yeah, all our kids were planned too, and we have been excellent about using non-invasive and non-hormonal forms of contraception for the eight years since I stopped BCP after we were married. So I'm waffling on the IUD and might decide not to get one, but I know the easiest time to get one is after you have a baby while your cervix is still open, and it can be in there for ten years, and it just might not be a bad idea since we are not surprise people and don't want any surprises. I'm going to talk to my doctor about them at least.
@and_peggy I’ve considered it, or have been, but I haven’t told mh because I don’t want to feel pressured and his support often times feels like pressure to me. I also don’t know if morally I feel right doing that. I always said I would leave it up to God and if I’m taking surgical steps, I’m kind of cutting God right out, even though I know I’m done. I can’t take bc and didn’t do well with an iud after my first (I bled for 6 months straight and ended up needing to have it out) so I don’t really have any other options. It’s something I have to keep considering I think. Thanks for asking this question and getting my brain jogging on it again. If I were having a csection, I feel like it would be an easier choice because they would already be in there but I don’t anticipate having a csection.
@paytonpedro this is where I fit too. I feel like it would be easier if I was already having a C-section but I’m not (unless something happens). I would expect a vaginal delivery as I’ve had 4 uncomplicated ones. So adding in a surgery later, more money, time to recover, just doesn’t seem right either.
@and_peggy I am planning to get my tubes tied after the c-section (I’ve read they can package deal this thing so you don’t have to have a separate procedure). If I wasn’t able to get pregnant with this baby we were planning for my husband get a vasectomy. This is baby #3, and I will be 39 when the baby comes. No judgement at all to anyone who decides to take that road, but I just personally am not up for motherhood again after the age of 40. If I had started earlier I would definitely consider more children, but that wasn’t the way it worked out for us.
@wisewitch222 I cannot caution strongly enough against the copper IUD. I don’t react well to hormonal birth control, and after #2 we wanted something a little easier than FAM, so I got one. Even though it’s not hormonal it did weird things to my cycle. I ended up with 22-24 day cycles, with 12 days of excessive bleeding, I’m talking filling a menstrual cup every hour or two. I was severely anemic by the time I finally had it out. I waited almost a year because supposedly it was going to get better but it only got worse. Everyone is different but I felt like my OBGYN really didn’t tell me how common this experience is.
@maggiemadeit thanks for offering your opinion. I also really won’t consider and IUD because I’ve heard so many scary things about them and personally know women who had them with negative results.
@paytonpedro I understand what you mean about cutting God right out of the equation. My best friend told me I should get my tubes tied after I have these twice since I'm "so old." I was like ummmm I'm a FTM. I don't ever want my tubes tied. I've done a lot of work with a hormone coach because I have such a hard time losing weight. Working with her, I found out how to cycle my foods and certain seeds to eat during different times of my menstrual cycle in order to help with my hormone imbalance. It was the first time in over 10 years I had lost weight. I was on BCP for awhile in my 20s, and that messed me up too. I know I won't be going on any form of BC, even non-hormonal, because it messes with your ovulation. I'll be doing Natural Family Planning. That's how we got pregnant. For me, that's what works. I know for other women, the peace of mind of having an IUD or BCP is good. Either way, what works for you and your family is best. I know people (not any of you) are judgey because I'm 39 and pregnant, but I'm at the point in my life where idgaf what other people think of me. Lol I've been through too much to care, especially since their opinions don't pay my bills!
Sorry for the sudden wall of words... i usually try to keep it short.
@bridgiebee82 I’m sorry you’re getting judgement from other people about your reproduction decisions. I wish people would just keep their (crappy and misguided) opinions to themselves! We did nfp for 3 years before we decided to ttc this baby and it worked just fine for us but I’m young (I’ll be 30 in a month) and idk if I want to put in that much work for potentially another 15/20 years of my life… it leaves a lot of room for an oops- which of course would be a welcome surprise but also not in our current plans.
My very good friend is 38 and will hopefully be doing a transfer in the next week. She’ll be 39 shortly after this baby would be born if everything goes according to plan. Definitely no judgement from me. Everyone lives such different lives, so to judge is just so wrong. My friend, for example, has been trying for #2 for 8 years. Multiple failed fertility treatments, surgeries, testing- it’s been a long and painful road for them. So to judge without knowing the entire story (like someone could do to her or to you) just makes me so sad.
@geshem I'm a little late with this one, but I once learned a trick in times of insomnia that often does help. If I feel like I just cannot get back to sleep, I'll have this talk with myself like "Okay, if you want to be up, be up." There's something about committing to being awake (not fully committing by getting out of bed, just mentally) that sends the mind in the other direction -- the direction of sleep that is! Happy snoozing
Anyone else hoping the nesting instinct kicks in soon so they have motivation to clean and organize? I have so much stuff I need to purge but I don’t know where to start.
Me: 35 H: 35 Married: 4/5/13 "You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting." ~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12 EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13 BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18 BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18 RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28 BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@coco2787 mine is similar. I just need to start feeling more connected and more like this is really happening so I can start planning better. With shipping delays I’m wondering when would be best time to start looking at furniture for babe
@wigglyicecream my dad works in the furniture industry and told me the other day that one of their companies has a 8-9 month lead time on gliders! so I’ve already missed the window for ordering from that one. The other 2 brands he works with have a 3-4 month lead time so we’re going to be ordering from one of them pretty soon!
@itsme215 thank you for the insight. I’m going to call around shortly and see what’s available and how long wait times are. Luckily baby can and will sleep in a bassinet for the first few months
@bridgiebee82 I hope you know my comments above were absolutely from a place of no judgement and I’m sorry you’ve received nasty comments from a friend about your choices. It’s up to each woman to decide what’s right for herself and her family, and it’s shitty when people judge other people’s choices.
@paytonpedro@bridgiebee82 With the exception of the IUD situation, I have primarily used Fertility Awareness Method, which similar to NFP, and it’s been super successful for us both when trying and avoiding pregnancy. I’ve charted for something like 7 years, and I completely relate to it being a lot of work!
Just wanted to chime in FWIW if I didn’t have medical issues and chronic pain coupled with HAVING to have surgery for each birth, I would be up for having more kids at a later age and I think all of our moms regardless of how old they are and the stigma attached to that are doing a kickass job and if you want all the babies I say go for it.
@maggiemadeit I didn't feel judged at all by you. It's people that talk to me in person. I'm like, you've known me my whole life, why would you say that?
@wigglyicecream I feel you on that one. I have some ridiculousness going on in my body. But so far, aside from having covid, I've felt better physically during my pregnancy than I do normally!
@bridgiebee82 I remember you sharing your story. I’m so glad pregnancy is treating you well! Also I’m so excited to live vicariously through you and the other MOMs. I’ve always romanticized the idea of twins and they even run in my family but it wasn’t in my cards.
@wigglyicecream I'm loving seeing all of the posts from everyone. I love hearing everyone's story and gripes, and foods, and everything! I love this community. Also, I'm going to look into making those cinnamon rolls this weekend.
On the topic of hormonal birth control, I was on the pill for most of my young adult life (18-28). I went off of birth control when I was 28 to start TTC DS. I realized within a short period of time, that my personality did a 180 when it came to handling my emotions. I was suddenly way more calm, less hormonal, and just generally felt better. I tried to go on the mini-pill after having DS and it backfired - I instantly noticed I felt wrong & not happy on them. So for me hormonal birth control is a hard no. A third baby is not off the table completely, so I think until we make a firm decision, there will no action from either myself or DH to permanently prevent babies. We used the pull out method and I tracked my cycle using FAM as protection. We don't want to do that long term, so whenever we are done, DH wants to get a vesactamy.
Ummmm idk what kind of family I married into, but MH is on the phone with his brother and I just heard him say, "I think I'm going to buy you guys an SUV so you can fit the babies better." What? How? Who does this? I'm about to cry, but I don't think I'm supposed to know.
I'm thinking this baby will be it for us. Honestly, it's the horrible nausea that I can't imagine facing again. I have almost no quality of life right now. With DS it lasted 10 weeks (week 6 through 16), which is a long time to be miserable 24/7. I'm having DH get a vasectomy. It seems crazy for me to undergo a full blown surgery when he can get a brief procedure. He's on board, and is very supportive of stopping at 2 kids.
@wisewitch222 I'll have to see how this pregnancy goes, if it ends traumatically or with another micro-preemie then I might try to take permanent measures to stop it from happening again. BUT...if I manage a healthy pregnancy then I will definitely feel okay about having a 4th. I've always wanted 4 kids but didn't know if it was possible after my second baby.
I kind of feel like @and_peggy because I don't feel done yet and luckily all our kids were planned (my cycle is really super duper regular so it's easy to just skip O week if we aren't ready for another, it's worked for us for years so I think it'll keep working in the future, but then again an oopsie wouldn't have been so bad since we knew we wanted more kids, I just wanted to wait until I got healthy again). But I'm also not religious so I feel like it's 100% your decision and you know your body/needs best. I admire women who KNOW themselves so well.
I think we are done with four but I don’t know what I want to do. Hormonal bc is a hard pass for me from what several have mentioned—it affects my mood, I gained weight a lot when I was on it, and I know multiple people who ended up with cervical cancer. I’m also not interested in an IUD because of all the complications that go along with them—getting stuck, implanting in the wrong spot, etc. I don’t think I want to tie my tubes because it’s such a huge surgery and of the risks associated with it. I think we may go the route of natural family planning, at least for a while. This pregnancy is the fastest we have ever gotten pregnant. We were NTNP for about 4 months and actively trying for 2ish months. It usually takes me a minimum of 17 months with 11-12 months of actively trying or longer. I haven’t asked MH if he wants to get a vasectomy or not… but I respect his decision. I can also be impulsive and I do kind of want more babies, but I don’t think we necessarily can afford more babies, and I have this nice feeling right now if acceptance and peace about this being our last.
@bridgiebee82 I am about to talk a bit of crap because I am a people pleaser and very non-confrontational in general, but your best friend should probably be told that no one wants to hear her opinion about their own reproductive organs. Geez. I loved natural family planning while we were still growing our family but I also really enjoy MH and our “time” so I have to admit an accident kind of worries me a little. Do you temp check when you use natural family planning?? Also, for the record, I don’t 39 is too old to start your family. And you may feel done now and feel differently when the twins are older. It’s your family, and no one else’s. I’m also a little jealous of twins… I’ve always romanticized having them in my head but the actual possibility of having them seems a little overwhelming. lol
@paytonpedro I have a lot of the same feelings about the topic of more kids as you. I just don’t know what I want to do yet.
@coco2787 yes! I usually feel it kick in around 15-19 weeks and I am so so ready. Right now I am picking smaller projects, like spend 10 minutes cleaning this part of the counter or whatever surface and then taking a break. But I am so glad that I will be home this time during my big nesting time so I can clean and organize my own house! With #3, I spent those weeks on the east coast visiting family because MH was temporarily working on the east coast too. I am so ready for second trimester energy.
@mdfarmchick girl, my best friend lost her filter when she got divorced. I'm thankful for that at least because he treated her like crap and she just took it. Still takes it sometimes. But I do tell her when she says things that hurt my feelings. I'm like "whoa. That's not okay to say that to me." And she and I talk it out. But other people it's like, ok Susan. Thank you. Goodbye.
@itsme215 for real. It's so strange to think that I have people in my life that are like... this NICE and genuine about it too! Nothing expected in return!
😂😂😂 I'm cracking up right now. Covid stole my sense of smell. MH just poked his head out of the bathroom and said, "Make sure you spray more than that please!" Lol oops!
Sounds like this is an UO, but I’ve had two IUDs and been very happy with them. Light or no periods, no hormonal migraines, and no accidental babies, works for me. I’ll probably get another one after this baby until MH is ready for a vasectomy
Might be a little early for me to be thinking about this but I wanted to get a going home outfit for baby. I love these 💙💜
Not sure if I will because I put all 3 boys in the same onesie to go home, and I kept it, and also kept my daughters going home outfit for the same purpose. BUT. Isn’t this sweet?
@fuzzywombat What kind of IUD? Honestly, I appreciate the horror stories but statistics and risk factors will do more to influence my decision (along with personal advice from my doctor).
@and_peggy those are absolutely adorable and I also get the sentimental idea of wearing the ones you bought your kids home in. After the little speech from MFM yesterday I was also allowing myself to looking at coming home outfits. I’m thinking white for this baby.
Re: Weekly Randoms 1/17
@wigglyicecream I saw that Oct opened, so crazy. I was so confused today. I always just automatically click on the second month down (which is now Sept) and I was like “where am I?!” 🤦🏻♀️
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
Sorry for the sudden wall of words... i usually try to keep it short.
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@paytonpedro @bridgiebee82 With the exception of the IUD situation, I have primarily used Fertility Awareness Method, which similar to NFP, and it’s been super successful for us both when trying and avoiding pregnancy. I’ve charted for something like 7 years, and I completely relate to it being a lot of work!
@wigglyicecream I feel you on that one. I have some ridiculousness going on in my body. But so far, aside from having covid, I've felt better physically during my pregnancy than I do normally!
I kind of feel like @and_peggy because I don't feel done yet and luckily all our kids were planned (my cycle is really super duper regular so it's easy to just skip O week if we aren't ready for another, it's worked for us for years so I think it'll keep working in the future, but then again an oopsie wouldn't have been so bad since we knew we wanted more kids, I just wanted to wait until I got healthy again). But I'm also not religious so I feel like it's 100% your decision and you know your body/needs best. I admire women who KNOW themselves so well.
@paytonpedro I have a lot of the same feelings about the topic of more kids as you. I just don’t know what I want to do yet.
@itsme215 for real. It's so strange to think that I have people in my life that are like... this NICE and genuine about it too! Nothing expected in return!
Not sure if I will because I put all 3 boys in the same onesie to go home, and I kept it, and also kept my daughters going home outfit for the same purpose. BUT. Isn’t this sweet?
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19