Childcare Options

laddy12

*Shamelessly stealing this from July 2022 board 

Let’s talk about the different options there are: SAHM, nanny, in-home daycare, daycare center. Pos and cons of each. Things to consider when choosing. How to find a reputable provider. Any advice from STMs. Anything else you can think of.

laddy12

I am super torn on what I want to do with this baby for childcare. MH and I both work full time, I WFH and he is in the office almost every day. 

With my daughter (now 6) I had a nanny for the first 2 years and I absolutely loved her nanny but it was soooooo expensive. 

I have been leaning towards a nanny for the first year with this baby but they are so hard to find now in our area because the demand is so high and charge $20-25/hour plus taxes (we can’t do under the table). 

I like my daughter’s current daycare (she’s in K) but the thought of sending my 3 month old to daycare is very hard for me even though I know we would all adjust and be fine. 

So all that to say I don’t know yet but I’m probably going to reserve a spot at my daughter’s center as a just in case and then I’ll just lose my deposit if we go the nanny route. 

wisewitch222

My first two went to daycare, and I'm planning on sending this one to daycare as well (same center that #2 went to last year for two-year-old daycare), but right now daycare is super unreliable because the health department keeps closing it due to covid. (A single positive case closes an entire classroom of preschool and younger in Pennsylvania, the argument being you can't contact trace toddlers because they come in contact with everyone.) I'm strongly hoping that by next January when we'll need daycare (I will need to take all of fall semester off) baby and toddler vaccines will be out and in use and daycare won't have to close anymore, but it's still frustrating to make that commitment so far ahead of time not knowing. We really can't afford a nanny, though, so that's just off the table.

itsme215

My husband is going to stay at home. At least for a few years and then we’ll probably look at preschool options. There’s no way I could stay home since I’m the breadwinner with good insurance (nor do I want to honestly, I love what I do). So luckily we’ll be just fine with him staying home. He’s already talking about how excited he is about it, it’s pretty cute.

I used to be a nanny in my early 20s. It was awesome. I never nannied an infant though, the youngest was 2 when I started. If we wanted to go that route here, we’d probably be paying almost $30/hr although I haven’t really checked the rates lately. 

wigglyicecream

I’ll be staying home when baby is born. My DD did daycare for a while before COVID spikes and my anxiety got too bad and I pulled her out. She will be 3.5 when baby is born so I’m mostly torn about her starting pre-k with an infant at home. We shall see what COVID has in store for the world and how I feel about it. It would be a no brainer for me to send her if they had the data and vaccines for her age group. 

maggiemadeit

This is a great conversation, thanks for starting it @laddy12

My first two went to daycare full time starting at 4 months. I only had 8 weeks of leave with #1, and 12 weeks with #2, and my husband used his leave to get us to 4 months both times. It was too soon both times. My oldest is now in public school and my little guy is in a great daycare 3 days a week, starting full time in the fall. Daycare in my area is fairly competitive, but siblings get priority and I know and love the infant teachers at ours.

I really believe that daycare is good for kids, but I am torn on what to do with this baby. I quit a full-time job that I loved a year ago and work freelance now, and only part time (~30 hours) since we only have childcare 3 days a week (COVID-related). I've always been very career-minded, but the truth is I love my days home with my little guy way more than I thought I would.  

I was originally thinking to take 6 months of leave with this baby, but the thought of putting #3 in daycare next January, at what will likely be the next seasonal peak of COVID, is terrifying. I could be a SAHM if I wanted, but I honestly don't know if I am cut out for it, and I am worried about how to get back into the job market if I stayed home with #3 for a while. I need to give our daycare provider a heads up soon or there won't be a spot for us, but I really don't know what I want to do. 

laddy12

@maggiemadeit it’s so tough to have a make a decision so far in advance! And that is a good point about January being peak COVID/flu/sickness time 😭 

I’m definitely not cut out to be a SAHM but childcare is so difficult to figure out sometimes. 

bridgiebee82

DH and I have discussed at length that I would stay home with the babies. I have been teaching for 18 years, and I'm just exhausted from it. He makes good money and if I were to continue to work, it would cost more than my whole paycheck for 2 weeks just for childcare. We will have to budget very carefully, but we will make it work. 

and_peggy

I’m very thankful that I don’t have to work, and if I ever chose to jump back in, I’d likely be able to do something from home. That’s the goal atleast. I do freelance marketing//graphic design. We could have never had a large family if I had to work, and I do not all that for granted. I know at some point I will want to though, just a matter of when. 5 kids in private school not quite doable.

All this to say I’m sorry for all you moms having to figure it out. You’re amazing whatever you want to do or have to do. 

anniemarie887

I own a business and my husband is self employed. I cannot imagine staying home, I would go crazy. That being said we planned to put our daughter in the local Montessori that has an infant and toddler program when she was six months old (would’ve been June 2020) - our plan was great IMO: the first 6 mos my parents were supposed to watch her two days a week, I will take her to the office with me two days a week and not work on Fridays. We pulled that off for a month before covid hit. Womp Womp. Instead my husband‘s work came basically to a screeching halt, I locked the doors of my office and sent everyone to work from home, and we did an insane juggling of our daughter for her entire first year of life. I wound up going back in the office in July and she came to work with me every day for about a half day until my husband was done his work and would pick her up. It was actually pretty great… until she was walking at 10 mos. Then game over. 

We wound up enrolling her in the same Montessori Jan 2021. That point we felt like we knew Covid wasn’t running rampant in schools, and we needed it for all of our sanity. 

That being said, I don’t envision keeping baby #2 with me for a year. I don’t think my sanity can handle it. My current gut says our goal will be work with baby until 6 mos and then enroll him/her at the Montessori. I am not thrilled about kissing away $2700 a month in daycare. 

buffythevampireslayer

My oldest will be going into 1st grade when the next one comes along, and we are going to do daycare. Actually they are the first people I told about being pregnant because we had to get on the waitlist right away since many are almost a year long here. It will be expensive but I know the cost goes down over time and we had a great experience with my daughter. These are such hard choices to make, really I just wish I could have a European or Australian style maternity leave that is way longer and then have my job waiting for my when my child is older. 

AIturra143

@laddy12 thank you for starting this. I am dreading this decision so it will be good to see what other mommas have done in the past and are planning to do for this baby. 

The company I work for is struggling and I don’t know if they’ll last until my maternity leave. If it does I’ll have 12 weeks off (8 weeks paid) and will be able to work from home for a bit or do a partial in office schedule, but idk what we’ll do with baby when I have to be in the office. It seems wild to have an infant in daycare especially with Covid closures, I’ve seen my coworkers deal with unstable childcare. My mom has health issues and my little sister is trying to get pregnant now too and works full time so I don’t have family to watch baby either..

For the mommas that chose outside childcare, what did you look for? How did you feel comfortable leaving your baby? What was/is the cost? 

TIA for all the shared information. 

leahrnmom

We use an in home childcare provider. She watches a few kids out of her home. My best friend's parents are retired and don't have any grandkids yet so they also what my kids. I'm very fortunate to have found the options I have. My best friend is pregnant but lives several hours away so I'm not sure if her parents will move or what. Childcare where we live is pretty affordable. I only pay 50$ day for both my kids. I also don't work m-f I work 3 12's so it works out that sometimes we need a sitter more and sometimes less. 

meagan822

I’m blessed to be able to stay at home with our baby! My husband is a Civil Engineer and wants to provide for us. I often do childcare for a few clients/friends, so when baby comes along, I’ll take a break from that, but in the future I will likely take turns with the other moms watching all the kids to be able to give each other breaks and Date nights. That way we trade babysitting and don’t have to pay for it. I have so many creative hobbies, I’ll never be bored, but also won’t probably have time for come late August. That’s already true for me, so even more so when baby comes.😂 

Sounds like some of you are in some tough spots figuring out childcare! I hope those transitions go smooth! Wishing you all the best!❤️

lmaplejc

Our daycare director was one of the first people we told about the pregnancy 😆.  We’ll put this baby in the same place my son is now, we love it.  The sense of community with the other families and teachers at this facility is amazing, and they have strict but fair Covid protocols which make us feel safe.  Siblings get priority, but I’m still nervous to get a spot with our name on the waitlist 13 months in advance of needing care.  Between maternity and paternity leaves, this baby will start at 6 months.

@Alturra143 I did a lot of research in FB local mom groups, and made sure to find one that was open the majority of the year (some take weeks off for holidays and development days).  The things I most cared about was high teacher to child ratio (1:2 in the infant room), and low turnover.  My son’s teachers have been there between 7 and 20 years which is very rare in childcare.  Cost is very regional, but the cost for one child in the infant room is about $2300 a month.

maggiemadeit

@Alturra143 The cost varies so much by location. We pay almost half of what we were paying in Boston just by moving out of the city, and for way better care, it’s crazy. We found our current daycare by word of mouth recommendations, and got in by being a squeaky wheel. I used connections, dropped names, and followed up relentlessly, because it’s hard to break through that waitlist!  

Two things that I have seen make a difference are hours of operation (sounds obvious, but actually important) and teacher retention. For example in Boston our center was open from 6am to 6pm, so it could cover different work schedules, but that also meant the same people weren’t with your kid all day or every day. They had really high teacher turnover (not a good sign) and I often would go to pick up my kid and see someone I didn’t know in the classroom. This made me uncomfortable. Our current provider is only open from 7:45 to 5pm, but my kids have the same team of 2-3 wonderful teachers all day every day, and the teachers have all been there for years. But that means someone has to be able to leave work before 5pm to get the kids, which might be a dealbreaker for some families. 

Good luck, it is not easy to find the right place for your kids, but my experience is that you’ll know when you find it! 

wisewitch222

When #1 was born we lived in a city that was much less affordable than where we live now, but we opted for (super expensive) center care. I’ve heard a lot of great things about in-home daycares and had friends who used them, but to me it seemed like an overwhelming amount of work to vet them individually and then find one that had an opening on the days we needed it. Centers are vetted by state or independent agencies so having that expectation took off a whole layer of leg work for me. Then we loved the center, and how it was like a little school for babies! When we moved, we found a center we like here. Then when #2 was born I went back to work very part time (1-2 days a week) and had to send him to a different center that did flexible schedules. When things reopened after covid shutdowns we sent him back to #1’s center. I plan to send #3 back to that same center 3 days/week starting in January. Part time is a lot more affordable than full time, especially when they’re under one, and I can make my teaching schedule so I only teach on M/W/F (which is what I did when #2 was little.) Finally, I send them to all day preschool the first school year they are three, which saves us about $2000 off a year of full time daycare.

anniemarie887

@lmaplejc oh girl I feel your pain, I can’t recall where you’re located? $2300 for infant? I thought ours was bad at $1645

@alturra143 word of mouth is great, also your state most likely had a site that you can look up the inspections and infractions. In Maryland both centers and in home have to be licensed, so even in home are inspected. We reached out to a few in home, but typically they don’t have assistants so when the provider is sick or takes vacation you are shit out of luck for childcare. Now, I have extreme flexibility but I really didn’t like that idea. That was a big push for us to look at a center, unless it’s a holiday or weather situation they don’t close. They also keep 7-6 hours. The two assistants in her room did turn over during 2021, but not the main teacher. The other big push was I really wanted a Montessori program, I personally attended Montessori k-5. We will have to pay for preschool in Maryland, so continuity of her care was another huge bonus. She’ll stay at the same school until we switch her to public kindy. Or if we wanted they do actually runs a program to 2nd grade. 

Also make sure the location is convenient: when you get that call that you gotta pick up your kid, or an item was forgotten at home and you have to run from work to fix it, it really helps being only 10-15 min.  

paytonpedro

I am so absolutely blessed to be a SAHM, I have been since #1 who is now in Kindergarten. I give working moms so much respect!

zzz2022

As the American living in Greece, my situation is a bit different here but will be nonetheless challenging. The state does offer a generous leave package in comparison to US standards, but nothing like northern EU countries like Denmark, Sweden, etc. (Still grateful for it though). The culture is very family oriented here, like, extremely family oriented. So it's culturally acceptable for the grandparents (grandmother rather), to take over the childcare responsibilities for the parents. That said, we most likely will not be following that norm. My in-laws are much older and it would be difficult for them, and for other reasons you might can guess, no. Boundaries are good!

Given that norm, there aren't a ton of options for daycare for children who are not potty-trained. So we'll probably look into part-time support to help us during a period of the day in which we'll both be working. Sometimes I also wondering about a switch of career so that I can work from home, but probably will still need some support (?). 

buffythevampireslayer

Here I was thinking I was for sure set on daycare but I was just talking to my sister who has 2 under 3 (so they can’t get vaxxed yet) and they have only been able to go for 3 days since coming back from the holidays due to exposures, and they haven’t even had covid themselves. If there’s a chance that this is still happening a year from now I am definitely looking into a nanny for at least the first 6 months.

mangoandguava

Y’all this is a big source of anxiety for me. I really need to take some time and make some calls about pricing and things. I’m very concerned that I’ll be working just to pay for childcare, in which case I’d rather just do the childcare myself. MH thinks his parents are an option, but I don’t see them curtailing their busy schedules for full time babysitting. They go and do and play and travel and this and that. We’ve taken care of their three dogs like seven times in the last year, for a week each time. Thankfully if they surprised me, I’d be okay with that (they’re good peeps, and I know they’d be a safe and happy place for Lil Bear to be). But in the meantime I need to make that a priority because if I’m not going back, I need to know. 

lmaplejc

@anniemarie887 Childcare is SO expensive, and ours is certainly not the most costly option in town.  I live in a suburb in northern NJ, a commuting town to NYC.

anniemarie887

@lmaplejc ah yea, makes sense then. I’m in Maryland, we’re bad, but not the worst. 

wisewitch222

@buffythevampireslayer they will definitely have vaccines for 6 months + by this time next year! (I follow the vaccine news obsessively). I'm really hoping that will mean they won't be closing down classrooms as often/anymore by then, but I can't be sure of that yet. 😕

fuzzywombat

I definitely struggled a lot with my first with the idea of daycare, but I went to school for a lot of years, like my job, and don’t have family willing to provide child care. My son goes to a center and we’ve been very happy there. I live outside of seattle and daycare here is $$$ ($2300 for an infant would a steal), so not terribly excited for sending 2, but we’ll be putting down a deposit next month
@wisewitch222 can’t wait!

bridgiebee82

@lmaplejc everything in that area is so expensive! I went to college in Morristown, and Holy crap, my South Jersey butt was surprised at the price of everything! 

@mangoandguava my biweekly paycheck wouldn't even cover childcare for us. My dad lives across town, but he will be 76 and MH's dad lives over an hour away. So it's better for us that I stay home. I know it's such a tough decision to make. 

lmaplejc

@bridgiebee82 100%.  Morristown is such a fun place!  South Jersey is great, and love the proximity to Philly.  My cousin used to live in Cherry Hill so we’d go down pretty often.

paytonpedro

@mangoandguava that’s the same problem I had. I now just work 5 hours on saturdays (to keep my foot in the door and to get out of the house a little) and my mil watches my boys. I’m not sure she’s going to do that with 3, she didn’t seem super excited and has made snide remarks in the past about only wanting to watch 2 to mh. But we’ll see! 

buffythevampireslayer

Thank you @wisewitch222 that eases my anxiety a little bit. I really do love our daycare, the teachers are incredible and my daughter thrived there. So hopefully things will be different then!

AIturra143

@lmaplejc Good idea, I need to join some local mom groups and see what other mom’s around me are doing. My best friend just had her baby in Sept last year but she’s about an hour away in a different county so what she found won’t work for us. I know cost is going to be high, I’m in southern CA

@maggiemadeit Hours and location are another thing I need to look up, I work about an hour north of where I live.. have you found childcare closer to home or work make more sense for those unavoidable extra trips? My husband works closer to home so he might be the extra trip and pick up parent. 

@anniemarie887 word of mouth does seem to be best.. My friends that have kids are much older and in regular school now so I’ll need to do some more research. I’ll look at the CA daycare center listings too that’s a great idea! Which makes more sense the daycare location closer to home or work? 

Thank you for all the responses, a lot of you STM+ are sharing some great information! I feel like this is the one major decision my husband and I didn’t have a clear answer/feel for how we were going to proceed before getting pregnant. It does sound like especially if we’re doing a daycare center we need to make a decision and start applying now. 

bridgiebee82

@AIturra143 as a teacher working the after school CARES program, oftentimes until 6pm, the parents that I've talked to have said that they're the ones that pick up on their way home 
ETA a fixed tag

anniemarie887

@AIturra143 possibly an annoying answer, but we were lucky to have our Montessori be smack dab in the middle of my 20ish minute commute to the office. 

AIturra143

@bridgiebee82 thanks! That makes sense to me too but wanted to see how other parents handle it. 

@anniemarie887 haha not annoying that it works so well for your family. I can look in the middle of my commute too and see what is out there

laddy12

@AIturra143 I used to have a 45 minute commute and my daughter went to a daycare about 10 minutes from our house on the way to work. I commuted to a big city with crazy traffic and didn’t want my kid sitting in traffic or risk her being in the car if I got in a wreck on the interstate. It’s also nice to be close to home if you have a day off for something and want to get things done you can take the kid to daycare for a little while and it’s not too out of the way. 

maggiemadeit

@alturra143 My preference was for daycare closer to home. The pickup to home ride can be long after a long day, often not a great hour for the kids, and the shorter the better IMO. #1 screamed the entire 15 minute ride when she was little because she just wanted to nurse and be with me and it was torture for her to be stuck in the back seat staring at the back of my head. Also, if you end up at home for the day for some reason, you won’t end up doing your commute on a day off or when you are sick. 

buffythevampireslayer

I definitely second everyone saying to pick daycare close to home. If you have a long commute, having the baby in the car with you is not ideal. Also, if helps to pick a place where someone, mom or dad, can get the baby quickly if needed. You will also have to put in emergency contacts and if the daycare is far away it could be hard for those people if you ever need to use them.

AIturra143

@maggiemadeit thank you, that’s really good advice as well. I’m hoping baby likes the car seat and car but no way to know until they are here. 

@buffythevampireslayer this makes sense too, I assumed it would be me dropping of baby but due to distance it may be my husband. 

A lot of research to do, but I feel like I at least know what to look for as far as location and some key features to make sure the center has for teachers and students. Thank you all for sharing!

wine_mama_03

My husband and I both grew up with families where the grandparents or extended relatives took care of the kids during the day, and that's what we are hoping to do. My grandparents would watch up to 6 of us grandkids most days and coordinated school pick-ups/drop-offs while our parents worked. Haven't had the conversation with the soon to be grandparents yet, but both his parents are about to retire in the upcoming months and live super close. I think the only problem we will have is deciding where because our house will be set up easiest, but with him working at home, that might be too much distraction/I doubt he'll want his mom with him all day long. On the other hand, his parents house has a way to go before it is baby proofed. It  makes us slightly uncomfortable leaving them with our puppy for a day in its current state.

maggiemadeit

@ethancaitlyn10172020 I think that's so nice if you can work it out. We moved back to my husbands hometown a few years ago to be closer to my in-laws, and although they don't provide regular care for our kids, they get to spend time together every week, and it's so great for both the kids and the grandparents. 

buffythevampireslayer

@ethancaitlyn10172020 that’s great. We didn’t have that option as we live far from my parents and my husband’s father isn’t up to the task. My sister used my mom for basically the whole first year of her daughter’s life and it was great, the main thing she has to deal with is our parents are older grandparents than my grandparents were, so they have way less energy to care for the kids, so it wasn’t sustainable long term or for additional kids. But if you have the option and healthy parents, I think it’s so great, my niece has the best relationship with my mom now.