Hope it’s ok to start a new thread on this topic. I’ve been thinking a lot about how many kids I want v H and how to know when you are done. Would love to hear from you all what you are thinking based on age, husband POV, etc. How many kids do you have now? Are you done, on the fence, definitely planning more?
When I got married I wanted none and my husband wanted 3. I knew we would have at least one but I promised no more than that as I have the mothering instinct of a fish- aka lay the egg and peace out. Well when it was time to have a kid we had crippling infertility and needed to do 2 rounds of IVF to get my son. That changed my perspective a lot, but i knew I would have another. Didn’t anticipate the surprise of my Daughter so soon after my first (they are 15 months apart), but after her I felt complete with our family and we were happy. I convinced my H to get a vasectomy because I knew I was done. And then a week after his surgery I totally changed my mind and wanted a third. Effing hormones. Luckily one of the reasons my H was ok with the vasectomy was we had frozen embryos from our IVF cycle so we were able to have our third. I’m pretty sure I’m done after this one because even 3 feels insane to me, but hormones…
I always wanted three, and DH wanted none, so we compromised on two 😂 He has since realized how amazing they are, so no regrets there.
After having DS4, we actually thought we might be one and done. It was a hard pregnancy, labor, and first two years. But once he became easier, all the positives became more visible so we decided to have one more. We’re happily done after this baby!
When I was younger I wanted a ridiculously big family; something crazy like 6 kids. 😜 I’ve always loved the idea of a large, messy, loving family! So for years now I’ve wanted 4 kids, but more recently hubby has been pretty insistent that he wants to be done after 2. He thinks that the world is built for families of 4, he wants us to all be able to fit into one car, he reasons that fewer kids is cheaper (can you tell he’s a practical, logical decision maker??), and he also likes the idea of having a smaller, more intimate immediate family. We’ve settled on, let’s wait and see how we feel when the time comes. I have no idea how that’ll actually work out for us. 😂 We may compromise on 3 kids as an in between, or maybe one of us will change our minds once we are actually thrust into the world of parenting with actual real life little humans! This is our first baby and we are 25 and 26 years old so we have some time to decide!
I'm an only child, DH is the oldest of 4 boys. Originally we wanted a lot of kids, but then kind of were like okay probably 3. I still want a 3rd, but I don't think I can be pregnant again. I just don't think my body can handle it. So this is probably our last baby. Maybe I'd change my mind in a few years, but I can't imagine being older is going to improve my experience of pregnancy.
This will be our second and last. We went through 2 rounds of IVF to get our 2 embryos and are very lucky to have had them both be successful transfers. If this transfer hadn't worked, I think I would have wanted to do another round, but DH seemed content with 1.
TTC#1 10/2016 TTC/IF:included medicated cycles, IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF with 1 embryo each. BFP finally in 12/2018
TTC#2 06/2021 planning FET
"Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks, some doors are open, some roads are blocked"
Originally I wanted a large family, coming from just having one sibling, but since becoming a parent I think we may be done after 2. I really struggled during the newborn stage and even into toddlerdom, so I didn't really feel ready to open that back up for discussion until my son was 3. I ended up having a loss and it caused me to step back from conceiving for several months until becoming pregnant with this little one. My pregnancies have been fine, I'm still kinda thinking I don't want to completely shut that door, but I am okay right now if we just have 2. I'm also on the older side- 38 - so I don't really wanna wait too long. PLUS I don't think we could afford more than one child in daycare so that's another factor. This baby will start when my son starts kindergarten this fall.
In high school I got to know a few families with 5 kids who I really loved. Their homes were always open and even though they weren’t perfect, they were real and they supported each other. That’s when I decided I wanted a big family, but figured realistically I’d go for at least 3.
When my husband and I were dating he didn’t really have a preference so long as he felt we could afford them. After we had a couple he thought they were pretty cool little people and was fine with making it to that 5 number.
H and I both come from families with 4 kids and would like a large family if possible. We often joke about having like 10 kids 😆 but considering we are starting with our first at age 30, we could probably have 4 or 5 max, assuming my health stays good, we’re able to time them about every two years, and we don’t lose our minds before then. So realistically, while we’re open to having a lot of kids, we’re going to take it one at a time and see what happens.
Me: 30 // Hubs: 31 Married May 2019 Baby #1 due April 19, 2022
I always knew I wanted 2. My siblings are my very best friends and I wanted that for my kids I have as well. After we had DS5 we were so traumatized we couldn't even bring up the subject of having another for quite a while. It was a complicated pregnancy, 90 days in the NICU, and then a really awful time until he was ~1yr. But he made up for every ounce of it once he was a toddler. He has been such an easy kid and we just love being around him so much. Because of that we then couldn't seem to bring ourselves to throw a wrench in our family dynamic that we loved so much. So it took 5 years and A TON of begging from me to get DH on board for another. But I made it very clear that I couldn't bear to make him be an only child when I know he would be such a loving big brother. He deserves to have what we have found with our siblings and it would be selfish of us to deprive him of that.
All of that to say, we're done after 2. We have infertility issues and my pregnancies are too complicated to do this again. I think we will be very happy with 2. I'm going to have my Dr tie my tubes during my c-section. If hormones or anything else changes our mind then we can look into IVF or something later on.
I originally wanted two or three— DH wants a huge family but I think we’ve kind of resigned ourselves to having maybe three tops. With DD6 I had horrible postpartum anxiety, a really hard time bonding with her, lots of breastfeeding issues, and it took forever for me to recover physically down there. So even though I’m sure DH would have been thrilled to have another sooner than this I just wasn’t emotionally or psychologically ready until early last year. And with all the monitoring I’m having this time around I know any future pregnancy will be the same, and our risks of another preemie increase every time, and I just don’t know how I can deal with that. So maybe one more after this but we’re going on a case by case basis, especially because I’m “advanced maternal age” this year (eye roll)
I always thought at least two, because I think siblings are awesome. But I’ve also always said, well just see and take it one at a time. DH always used to say, “5 boys!” And then he kind of backed off that after we had our first 😆 We both have parents who came from larger families and are close to our cousins - DH so much so that some of his cousins are more like siblings/best friends and I think that definitely influences us.
I still don’t have a magic number. Although I originally wanted to be done by 35, and now I’m only a year away from that.
When DH and I were dating I wanted 6, lol, because like some have mentioned I got to know some really cool big families and loved the idea of having a built in support system and awesome little traveling pile of fun wherever you go. But we started having kids at 30, so 6 was already out. By the time DS3 was born, DH was really starting to have fun with DS6 and wasn't sure he wanted another because he wanted to be as hands on as he could. DS3 was also such a shitty baby compared to DS6, and is a pretty three-ish three year old. So a third was a hard sell, but he came around. H is pretty adamant that he's getting a vasectomy after this- he's done. And I'm not sure I want to be pregnant again...I've never really felt excited to be done but this time, I do.
That being said, I can't quite get on board with a tubal bc it's too permanent, I guess. I also wonder if four would be a better number bc my older two are buddies and I don't want this new guy to feel left out.
Anyway, 98% sure we're done at 3. But four wouldn't make me sad, lol.
I always thought two; my husband was pretty indifferent and kinda thought kids were more a box to check so you didn’t have regrets than something he was excited about. After our first, he was hooked and loved being a dad, and couldn’t wait for a second. We figured we’d be okay with two but felt like three would feel more complete (but we dealt with IF for the first, so didn’t want to go down the medication road again, so only if it happened naturally)… and here we are
This will be our third and DH was basically fine with one 🤣 I begged for a sibling for DD7 (got pregnant when she was 18 months) and he agreed then when our youngest was 2.5 we started vaguely talking about a third. He wasn’t gung ho but didn’t flat out say no, but then Covid hit and we both decided we just didn’t want to have a baby in that situation with so much uncertainty. So then when the vaccines came out and were super effective we went for it (ironic that we are now in the middle of Covid chaos again!).
But anyway now my youngest will have just turned 5 when new baby is born and oldest will be 7. My two girls are best friends and although I don’t think I could survive morning sickness again and my DH will probably kill me I sort of feel like having 4 would be better so my little two could be close in age and have the same bond my two oldest do.
Ultimately I know my girls are super excited and they will love the baby and age becomes less important as they get older, but I’m sad for the new one to be in all her schools alone and just not have that buddy on her level who has the same interests, etc.
I always said I would have as many as I could afford (turns out they are expensive and very few can really afford them lol). My husband spent most of his life thinking he would just forever be the fun uncle to his friends' kids. Once we met and got serious he said he wants kids and said ok to at least not having an only child. He was an only child and his childhood seems so weird to me lol not in a mean way but I just can't fathom not having a sibling. I want 3 kids, this baby will be our second. I think I'm done being pregnant, I'm not a fan of that part. We always talked about adoption so I'm thinking we will explore that in a year or two and see if we can swing it.
This child was a very big surprise in how much we changed our minds to have her. We were very one and done, our oldest will be almost 6. After 3 years my husband even had a vasectomy. Then Covid hit and we became very isolated. For a while no school, then and now slowly things come back but randomly it goes to isolation again. When that happened it became clear to me that we would want more family interaction as we live far from everyone in both our families. My parents are closest at 6 hours away. So after a year of talking he got a vasectomy reversal and we got pregnant. Before we weren't really stretched money wise or time wise so we still had options. But we had to make a lot of decisions to make sure we could do two. This is it for me. Many reasons one of which I'm 38 and the difference between 32 and 38 in being pregnant is epic for me. So tubes removed in April and I'm at peace with it. One last bit of cuteness to complete our family. I'm excited for all of it.
My husband wanted like 12 kids when we were dating, he always wanted a big family. I was leaning towards 2 at most.
Once we had our DD5, we both were sure we would have one more at least. We struggled getting pregnant with both DD5 and DD1 so we anticipated that #3 would come years later, but that was not the case. I think that if this baby was another girl, DH would try to convince me to have another to “try for a boy”, but really to have more kids. I am done being pregnant after this baby, I am getting my tubes tied during my c-section. If we decide to have a #4, which I doubt, it will be through adoption.
******TW******Siggy warning BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d; BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks; BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016
This has been so fascinating reading through everyone's individual situations on having kids. It seems like a lot of the conversations are similar, and yet so very different at the same time!
Everyone's choices and feelings on having kids is so interesting. I was adamant I did not want kids because I did not want my children to have to go through some of the things that I had to go through. I was so adamant that my mother just accepted it and has never asked me for grandkids, surprisingly. Throughout my 20s I kind of dealt with a lot of my trauma and got to a good place emotionally and when I was about 26, I don't know if I suddenly just felt my biological clock ticking or it was just the healing but literally overnight I wanted kids. One day I drank too much coffee and I suddenly wanted a baby, right then. It took me a few years to get out of a rough marriage (and one that would not have been good to raise a child in) and meet the right person who will be an amazing dad, but I'm really happy to finally be here.
My husband and I aren't really set on a number, we've talked about 2 and seeing how we feel about having a third. I'm going to need some time after this pregnancy to forget how terrible I feel to be able to try again. I think if we had started younger, we might have been the kind of people who ended up having a huge family because we love being parents, but I guess we'll see once this baby is born. As it is, we have talked about becoming foster parents once our kids are older. We have both worked with kids in the system over the years and I think we both are aware of the challenges and rewards of being foster parents and it's something we would like to try. There are so many children who need structured, supportive homes and I think we have the skills to provide that kind of home.
We're pregnant with our first and have a "let's see how we do with one" mindset for now. I get the value of siblings and big families but I'm worried that the chaos and stress will just be too much for me.
Meanwhile, my mom is already scolding me about how a child NEEDS a sibling to play with and to learn from... as if the only point to having a second child is to entertain the first one... (I happen to be her second child and maybe this clarifies a lot of my childhood).
Embryos dictated this one for us. I initially wasn't sure I wanted kids, then they told us we couldn’t… and I was like.. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. After a a few IVF and FET tries we had 2 girls and I was done but we still had embryos left (like a lot) and my husband wasn’t done. So after a few years I was convinced to try again for a 3rd (which was my limit… not doing more than 3) and on our last embryo.. here I am.
I always wanted kids, but was caring for my mom for most of my 20s/30s so it wasn’t really a focus. Luckily got pregnant by surprise with DD3 as husband had been told in the past it would be highly unlikely. We thought we were done for a number of reasons, I struggled with PND, I’m essentially geriatric from a maternal perspective, and we have no support, but then when my mom passed I think it changed my perspective and I wanted to grow our family after it shrinking or something? And given we are older I like the idea of DD3 having someone else in her immediate family when we’re gone (I know that’s very morbid, but both my parents have passed and my life would be so much poorer now without my siblings), although obviously hopefully they’ll go on to have their own families too some day. That said, those stereotypes of only children are nonsense, some of the most well adjusted, grounded and social people I know are only children
I always assumed I would have 2-3 and after having two amazing boys, we decided to go for one more and now, are getting our girl. I very much feel like our family is complete now … my husband would keep going lol but we live in the nyc suburbs with an extremely high cost of living and extremely high taxes lol… not to mention daycare costs are like college tuitions- which also reminds me of college we’d need to pay for lol. Oh and camp… oy, camp! It stresses me out. Three is plenty
Me: 36 DH: 36 Married: October 2011 DS: January 2016 DS: May 2019 #3: April 2022
MH has always said he only wants one and I've always said I want two. There was a point a couple of years ago where he was saying he didn't want any kids because he didn't want to pass his medical issues (primarily his T1 diabetes) on. He came around and then it turned out we needed to do IVF anyway. We only ended up with one viable embryo so if we want a second we will have to do another cycle so it's something we will have to think about. I think I want a 4-5 year gap between so that gives us time to see how we're going and decide.
I think we are going to see after having this one! As a FTM I still find it hard to wrap my head around the fact that a baby is coming most days so it's hard for me to think about how many at this point. I'm an only child (not by my parents' choice, but that's just how it went) and I don't feel like I fit the typical only child stereotype so it doesn't make me nervous, though MH is not on board with an only child, I think. However like @teamama80 I am hyperaware of the fact that siblings can provide so much support, my parents are older and though I am so fortunate to still have them in my life I can see how quickly it could get lonely.
@winterviolethope camps are definitely something we thought about with having another! DS6 does 3 or 4 a summer- and we're not even at sleep away cost yet! It's gonna cost a lot to send 3 but that's a good thing about our age gaps, I guess!
I'm pregnant with my first. We have always said three but then we ended up facing infertility. Now we both feel we will be lucky if we have two. There's just so much uncertainty about the future but right now we are thankful to be expecting our first baby!
I’ve always wanted 3 kids. Grew up with two siblings and it just felt right. Dealing with struggles conceiving our 3rd I really tried to be happy and feel complete with 2. But honestly when I envisioned the future I just couldn’t picture not having a 3rd adult child in the vision. There’s a big age gap but I’m so thankful for this 3rd surprise baby completing our family.
When we started I was in the 2 maybe 3 camp. DH was more like 2 and done. I was in my mid-30s with DS1 and wanted to be done by 40. At the time, I was pretty sure 2 was going to be our number. After DS2, I wanted more, but was in my late 30s. DH was done. I had come to terms with that and we really focused on our marriage. Welp, DS3 had other plans and we became a family of 5 just before I turned 40. I can’t imagine life without him now. He’s the coolest kid! DH loved our family of 5, but was planning on getting the snip after DS3 was born to make it official. Then, Covid happened and elective procedures were put on hold. He always planned to schedule, but is terrible at scheduling anything! I still felt like we weren’t done, but DH was a HARD no on a 4th so I agreed that we were done and we kept up with preventing. Instead of a 4th, we compromised and got a puppy to complete our family.
I tried to come to terms with the fact that we were done with lots of therapy. I was a mess. I couldn’t even talk about the big snip without losing it. There was a lot of grief for a daughter that I knew would never happen. So one day, I gave up trying to get through it on my own. I gave it up to god and asked him to help me through to the other side. Letting go was helpful for me and seemed to be working. The grief was finally dissipating. I started to look forward to more freedom and time to take care of myself more. We surrounded ourselves with friends and started to really let loose.
A few months pass after that and we were on an adult only trip with friends when AF was supposed to show. It didn’t. I still wasn’t worried, but stopped drinking myself silly for the last couple days of the trip as a precaution. I still believed whole-heartedly that AF was wonky because I was 41 and my cycle wasn’t as on-time as it used to be. AF had been jumping around a couple days before or after my expected dates. Plus, we were preventing. I had gotten implantation bleeding with my first 3 as well and hadn’t experienced anything like that this time around. I POS when we got home because I had one left and fully expected that test to bring on AF. Cuz it usually does, amiright? I almost passed out from the instant BFP! DH surprised me and was happy when I told him. Nervous, because we only make boys, but happy. I did not expect that.
A couple months later, we learned that we were having our first and only DD. DH had wanted a baby girl since we were pregnant with our first. He is over the moon, as am I! God didn’t exactly answer my prayers that day. Instead he reminded me that he runs the show! Lol!
All this to say, I know we are done after #4. I’ll be just shy of 42. I feel done now with this little girl and am looking forward to the next phase in life. I’m not sure if I’ll still “want” more after DD1 is born or if I’ll finally have the feeling that our family is complete stick around like everyone talks about. Either way, 4 and a dog is our number!
P.S. I’m not overly religious, but consider myself faithful. I pray when life gets rough. And to say thanks every so often! (Or to laugh with him, because dude has a wicked sense on humor sometimes.)
@boymom312 so happy you are getting your baby girl— you’ll have to change your username we have two boys and are having a girl too— it definitely feels like we are finally complete
Me: 36 DH: 36 Married: October 2011 DS: January 2016 DS: May 2019 #3: April 2022
Re: GTKY: How Many Kids Do You Want?
When I was younger I wanted a ridiculously big family; something crazy like 6 kids. 😜 I’ve always loved the idea of a large, messy, loving family! So for years now I’ve wanted 4 kids, but more recently hubby has been pretty insistent that he wants to be done after 2. He thinks that the world is built for families of 4, he wants us to all be able to fit into one car, he reasons that fewer kids is cheaper (can you tell he’s a practical, logical decision maker??), and he also likes the idea of having a smaller, more intimate immediate family. We’ve settled on, let’s wait and see how we feel when the time comes. I have no idea how that’ll actually work out for us. 😂 We may compromise on 3 kids as an in between, or maybe one of us will change our minds once we are actually thrust into the world of parenting with actual real life little humans! This is our first baby and we are 25 and 26 years old so we have some time to decide!
TTC#1 10/2016
TTC/IF:included medicated cycles, IUIs and 2 rounds of IVF with 1 embryo each.
BFP finally in 12/2018
TTC#2 06/2021
planning FET
"Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks,
some doors are open, some roads are blocked"
In high school I got to know a few families with 5 kids who I really loved. Their homes were always open and even though they weren’t perfect, they were real and they supported each other. That’s when I decided I wanted a big family, but figured realistically I’d go for at least 3.
When my husband and I were dating he didn’t really have a preference so long as he felt we could afford them. After we had a couple he thought they were pretty cool little people and was fine with making it to that 5 number.
Married May 2019
Baby #1 due April 19, 2022
All of that to say, we're done after 2. We have infertility issues and my pregnancies are too complicated to do this again. I think we will be very happy with 2. I'm going to have my Dr tie my tubes during my c-section. If hormones or anything else changes our mind then we can look into IVF or something later on.
I still don’t have a magic number. Although I originally wanted to be done by 35, and now I’m only a year away from that.
That being said, I can't quite get on board with a tubal bc it's too permanent, I guess. I also wonder if four would be a better number bc my older two are buddies and I don't want this new guy to feel left out.
Anyway, 98% sure we're done at 3. But four wouldn't make me sad, lol.
He was an only child and his childhood seems so weird to me lol not in a mean way but I just can't fathom not having a sibling.
I want 3 kids, this baby will be our second. I think I'm done being pregnant, I'm not a fan of that part. We always talked about adoption so I'm thinking we will explore that in a year or two and see if we can swing it.
BFP1 04/24/2015 EDD Dec 2015 MMC 10W5d;
BFP 2 09/25/2015 EDD June 2016 MMC 9wks;
BFP 3 03/22/2016 EDD Dec 6th 2016
My husband and I aren't really set on a number, we've talked about 2 and seeing how we feel about having a third. I'm going to need some time after this pregnancy to forget how terrible I feel to be able to try again. I think if we had started younger, we might have been the kind of people who ended up having a huge family because we love being parents, but I guess we'll see once this baby is born. As it is, we have talked about becoming foster parents once our kids are older. We have both worked with kids in the system over the years and I think we both are aware of the challenges and rewards of being foster parents and it's something we would like to try. There are so many children who need structured, supportive homes and I think we have the skills to provide that kind of home.
Meanwhile, my mom is already scolding me about how a child NEEDS a sibling to play with and to learn from... as if the only point to having a second child is to entertain the first one... (I happen to be her second child and maybe this clarifies a lot of my childhood).
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
college we’d need to pay for lol. Oh and camp… oy, camp! It stresses me out. Three is plenty
Married: October 2011
DS: January 2016
DS: May 2019
#3: April 2022
change your username
we have two boys and are having a girl too— it definitely feels like we are finally complete
Married: October 2011
DS: January 2016
DS: May 2019
#3: April 2022