Childcare

LJMoon6

Let’s talk about the different options there are: SAHM, nanny, in-home daycare, daycare center. Pos and cons of each. Things to consider when choosing. How to find a reputable provider. Any advice from STMs. Anything else you can think of.

LJMoon6

Oh man. I just reached out to our daycare to add an infant starting in November (July 29th due date with 12 weeks of maternity leave would put me right at the beginning of November)…. and they have no openings until Dec! I’ve got a whole month I have to figure out what to do with. EEK!

So… if you haven’t started thinking about childcare yet, especially if you are thinking about doing a daycare center, you should probably do that sooner rather than later. I think we’re in the middle of a huge baby boom!

tuxielove93

@LJMoon6 Well, that and an employee shortage. What else was everyone supposed to do during quarantine? 

I'm a SAHM. I LOVE being with my babies. I always wanted to stay home with them.That said. Money is tight, and that is stressful. Trying to work at all with kids is a disaster. Possible, but not fun. I work app gigs *Uber Eats, Instacart* but they have declined so much during the pandemic it almost isn't even worth it to turn my car on anymore. And despite my constant effort over the last year to get a different job where I could still have my kids.... it's not possible. Of course, daycare is wicked expensive, so especially with two kids (and now three) I couldn't possibly have a "real" job AND pay daycare. I would pay more than I would make. It's kind of a catch 22. 

Other than the finances, I absolutely adore being with my boys. No pumping, great bonding, we get to do all kinds of fun stuff together and I love spending my time with them. I don't regret it for a second. I just wish life wasn't so impossibly expensive for moms with little kids. 

inthewoods23

@LJMoon6 even before the pandemic I feel that's always been the advice to start looking ASAP at daycares. I should probably talk to HR to find out what kind of leave I'll get plus FMLA and whatever to know when I'd have to be back at work. A friend of mine was telling me that another friend of hers is due in March and all the places they've looked at have wait lists out to October! They had only recently started looking so it's clearly not a good idea to wait on this. I am hoping though, especially if we're not able to get a daycare once my maternity leave is over, that I can work from home for half the week or something while our parents do the other days until we get off a waitlist.

Does anyone know where I can find the average cost of daycare? Is cost listed as per week or per month?

stardustskies

I had daycare assistance with my son for like 6 months until my income made us "make too much" and then we didn't qualify anymore. Once we had to pay full price ($200 per week), my $15 per hour, minus gas and taxes, (plus the stress of having housework waiting for me when I got home) made it really not worth it to work. I'm now a stay at home mom. It's stressful at times but now that my son is in preschool, I get a bit of a break. I also have family close by who is willing to help out when I need it. Honestly, if that's an option for you and you're not really big into your career, I recommend it. 

LJMoon6

@inthewoods23 Oh ya, it’s always been crazy. I just feel like it’s extra crazy right now lol. I’m hoping I can do something similar for the month we have to wait, work part time from home (although we’re getting a new supervisor in a few weeks so I don’t know how that’s going to go over).

Average costs for daycare is going to vary greatly by your location. MN is surprisingly one of the highest states in the country. I’m going to guess that WI is close by. For a full time infant the cost per week is nearly $450 around here. It’s insane! We luckily have a slightly cheaper center and only go 3 days a week. Definitely do your research and see about going on some tours. We ended up with a nature based learning center which I love!! I think they were the 10th center I called.

sunshineandlemons

I would love to be a SAHM but I also enjoy working. Where I’m at I’m at in my career, I could never re-enter at this level and salary so I’ll be working. 

With my first, I found daycare while I was on maternity leave. I knew I wanted in home. I don’t recommend waiting! I got lucky! Here are a bunch of random daycare thoughts.

We are at a different in home- the one I’ve always wanted to go to because she’s in my neighborhood and lives across the street from my mom. She just got openings last year for both my kids. I told her last night we were expecting and luckily, she’ll have a spot for my baby!

I would recommend looking for a licensed provider if you are looking at in home daycares (in IL you can search for licensed providers). Also, next year when doing your annual benefits enrollment, sign up for the pre-tax childcare account and max it out if you can. It’s very likely you’ll spend way over the maximum contribution (I think it’s universal, but here it’s $5k).

Infant spots are hard to come by because in IL there can only be so many infants:adults which also needs to align with the infant to children ratio. Infant care also usually costs more than a 2 year old, for example.

Pros to in-home- cheaper (caution- sometimes you get what you pay for), flexible, and low turnover. Also, my in homes have almost always taken the week between Christmas and New Years off and the week of 4th of July, so it’s a good excuse to have to take those off too. 😉 And with Covid, with there being less kids, there is less of a chance of daycare being shut down for Covid.

Cons to in home- sitter gets sick, there is no coverage and you are left scrambling for childcare, children are mixed ages (pros and cons to that, IMO), depends on the in-home but usually not as robust of curriculum as a center, usually no cameras.

LJMoon6

I have sooooo much respect for SAHMs! I really don’t know how you guys do it. And reading about your days @tuxielove93 and @stardustskies makes me extremely jealous. But. I know me. And I know I would not survive. I need to get out of the house. And work is my break lol. I also don’t want to leave my career because I know it’d be nearly impossible for me to get back into once the kids are bigger. So my approach has been to reduce my hours a little bit so that I can spend more time with the kids in the summer. During the school year I work 4 10 hours days but during summer I drop down to 3 10 hour days. It works for us and gives me a little extra time with family. I’m still considered full time and I can still collect benefits too, which is important.

tuxielove93

@LJMoon6 I’m jealous of working moms sometimes. I could never leave my kids with someone else like that. For all that money too. But I never get a break, I never get adult interaction, our funds are limited because we have one income….. there are definitely big pros and cons to both. It’s not an easy decision and all sides deserve a lot of grace. 

zwink1

Definitely agree with starting to look way sooner than you think you have to... like, if you haven't started already, NOW.  It's crazy how fast infant spots fill up.  Particularly because, as someone mentioned earlier, the infant to care provider ratios are lower than older children.  I'm sure things have only gotten more crazy with the covid baby boom. 

We currently use a daycare center.  I personally wasn't comfortable with in-home for a variety of reasons (though if you find a good one, they can be a great option), and a private nanny/sitter was cost prohibitive for us.  We don't have any family near enough to reliably serve as care providers, so a center was pretty much it for remaining options. 

I like our center a lot, and DS seems to really enjoy going to see his "baby friends."  Our center is very curriculum centered for the kids 2yrs+, and it's really incredible to see how much he learns (way more than he'd ever get from me alone - I know my limits, lol).  They were also great with potty training. 

When looking for a center, it can be a good idea to ask how they charge (hourly/daily/weekly/etc) and what's included in the fees, what their day off policy is for sick/vacation days (most places expect that you'll pay for the day even if your child is out sick), and what their weekly minimum is if you don't plan on using care full time.  We pay a set fee per day, regardless of whether he's there for 3 hours or 8, and our center has a 3 day/wk minimum.

I am still working out my plan for this baby, but will likely continue to use our current center in some capacity.  Current families having siblings get priority status on our wait list, but I know from another mom there who just had her 2nd that there is definitely still a wait list.  I do not plan to take maternity leave/return to my job after this baby.  However, that's less because I plan to be a long-term SAHM (you all are rockstars, but again, I know my limits) and more because I was reaching the end of my rope with this job before this pregnancy anyway, so it just happens to be convenient timing to make a change.  

Edit - added some, removed some, moved some around, you know. 

runnergirl2018

For a childcare center or daycare - Think about things EARLY. Get as many reviews from people you know in person.  Get on wait lists multiple places if needed. You may have to pay deposits at them.  
Ask how they handle things such as sleeping, feeding, support development, how they handle introducing solids, staff to infant ratio.  how much time do they spend outside. what kind of contact do you have with the caregivers or reports are givien. Other things we asked about were if they would cloth diaper. they technically required individual bottles for each feeding prepared but i used Kiinde bags and just sent one holder and one nipple daily - so consider how you are feeding.  Get tours and meet whatever staff you can.

@LJMoon6 i had a 2 week wait for a daycare for my son a few years ago and i ended up finding a collection of friends that worked from home or were SAHM to take shifts of 1-2 days to get us through.  highly recommend if you can do something like that or if you have any family that can help even here and there


This time around for us we are close to family. I have NO paid leave of any kidn so i'm saving up now to take 8-12 weeks off. Since I have no paid leave, hubby is considered primary caregiver and gets 6 months paternity leave at his job so our plan is initially him.  aFter that we are still discussing but likely a combination of my MIL caring and possibly part time daycare. i think there's a lot to consider now as well with COVID that i did not have to consider a few years ago.

I will also say this -not as relevant for infants, but we had a daycare that was poorly equipped to handle potty training, especially as my kid decided at 20-21 months that he was ready. we actually abruptly changed care centers at that time because of how poorly they handled it and how rude one of the teachers was.  Almost thankfully it was fall of 2020 and we were easily able to get in somewhere else that we LOVED and i wish we had found sooner

sjb2215

Both my boys go part time to a daycare center the 3 days/week I work during the school year (and I am off and home with them in the summer). I like the balancr we have currently. It will be interesting though being home with them both next summer with a newborn, hoping DH can take off a few weeks too.

Luckily we found a center that offers a price difference for part time care, because I have many coworkers who pay full time for a part time spot. @inthewoods23 we pay like $270/week for both boys for part time, which I think is pretty reasonable. For us, if we were more in the Madison metro it would be about $300-350l/week for an infant 

Like others mentioned above, I like the classrooms with kids similar aged, the learning that takes place, the info that gets shared about their day (especially as babies). In Covid times, I appreciate they are doing temp checks and teachers are masking as well

twentythree19

I’ve only ever used a daycare - both because we have no local family (and they all work either rotating shifts or the same hours/seasons DH & I do) and because I am uncomfortable going with an in-home daycare since neither of us are from the area. Same with nanny service. Honestly I like the accountability of a daycare. There’s always several adults around with the kids. 

Other pros we experienced with our daycare:
Help with skills like potty training, eating with intensive, etc. 
Curriculum & socialization 
Age appropriate classrooms/groups - helps both with development and with minimizing Covid exposure across the entire center. 

Cons:
your little will have to work through what I cal the “daycare sniffles” for probably the first 6 months or so. 

Covid exposure seems to shutdown a classroom or two for a few days every month. We still have to pay because they pay their staff even when they have to quarantine. I don’t love paying for days when I don’t have childcare, but I know it helps them retain the staff I love so much so I try to grin and bear it. 

ETA: I want to add some context…I know myself well enough to say I’m not cut out to be a SAHM. So that automatically makes me pretty pro-daycare. Do with that info what you will. And shout out to all you ladies and however you decide to do the childcare thing! You all rock. 

jellie603

We have done centers and in-home care.

Our in-home care was so much fun! He was little (1yo-3yo) while we were there and she had 4 older school aged children of her own. They were always on field trips to the lake, the kids sports game, picking their chickens etc. etc. My personal opinion is that when they hit the preschool age, the center based programs are really great for them. Mine thrived when he switched and loves the schedule, learning, themes. 

We have always (and always will) needed and wanted 2 incomes so ours went to a center daycare at 8 weeks after my leave was up. Ours was really great with the tiny babies - sheets filled out every day with like every second of their day mapped out. Preschool has been great too - they actually finished potty training ours, he's grown so much socially and emotionally. I just called our center to drop 2 infant spots in the wait list for early October so I am hoping they have that for us!

Some thoughts:
- As everyone said, get on waitlists NOW. Put yourself on a couple of waitlists that way if one doesn't have space or falls through, you are already on a couple of others.
- Always take a center (or home) tour.
- Read the packets they give you and ask questions. Ask if food will be provided (as they get older), ask if diapers are provided. Ask if they use an app to keep you updated. Ask what the teacher to baby ratio is. Ask if you can shadow for a few hours one day to see how they run. 
- We are running into "next class up" issues. We think we have spots for the babies in the infant room but the director is concerned about when they move to the 1yo and toddler room. Lots of parents wait to send their kiddos and toddler rooms are the fullest. Ask to tour the next few rooms up to see how they are run and ask about future space (through prek). 

feather_heather

DD currently goes to daycare, but when this baby arrives I will be leaving my job to become a SAHM. 

DD loves daycare, but my entire take home pay would be going to daycare for two so it just doesn't make financial sense for us. She goes to the opposite of a fancy daycare and I still pay $530 a week for one kid. 

I'm nervous and excited about becoming a stay at home mom. It's going to be a huge change for me and I know it's going to be exhausting, but hopefully it will be rewarding to be home with them both. My career isn't really sustainable for someone that has children with evening activities (as I work all day and then also have night meetings at least twice a week) so we knew that eventually I'd need to try to make a career change. So the plan is to stay at home until the girls are in elementary school and then find something new (eeek scary because I have no idea what I'll do). 

I echo what everyone else has said about looking for childcare now. When I got pregnant with DD, I put our name on waitlists at 10 different daycare centers. We only ever got called back by one and ended up lucking out that they had an infant spot available right after my maternity leave ended. 

bumblebee0210

My 2.5 year-old is in a very high quality daycare, and we love it. It's actually attached to a k-12 school preparatory school, so they have high-quality nursery and Pre-K as well. It's one of the few that we found that took infants but also was more like "school" as they reach the toddler age. It's very idyllic-- all wooden toys, beautiful playground, no screens anywhere, lots of art projects and nature walks, etc. 

We had a nanny from about 8 weeks to 9 months old before sending my daughter to daycare. It worked out well for me because my job is extremely flexible, so I could work from home and see (and nurse) my baby throughout the day. Nannies are typically very expensive, especially since the pandemic. I think we paid ours $18/hr, and now the going rate in our area is more like $25/hr (~2 years later). 

For those of you thinking about nanny vs. daycare (I am aware that this is typically a choice for people with pretty high incomes), I found that the pros of the nanny were pretty great: especially if it's just one baby they are taking care of, they can do a *lot* of stuff around the house. Our nanny did laundry (all of ours), cleaned up the kitchen, ran errands, tidied up, etc. Plus, you don't have to get the baby ready and out the door in the morning. Also as the kid gets older, you don't have the daycare sickness that leads to a lot of absences. On the flip side, having a nanny takes a lot of management-- you have to figure out all of the rules, terms, etc, and essentially be this person's boss. If they suddenly quit, or don't show up, you are SOL. Also-- your nanny will get sick, need to take vacation, etc, so you will still be out of childcare from time to time. 

We are trying to figure out what to do for. this next kid, whether to put them straight into daycare at 12 weeks or so, or have a nanny for the early stages (or longer, since she can provide back-up care for my toddler as well).

If any of you are in the position of having a two-career household with "big jobs" (high earning, and also lots of hours and/or travel), I highly recommend the podcast "Best of Both Worlds" which is hosted by two women (one is a physician, one is a writer) with large families. They have a few great episodes on childcare, and really emphasize getting more than you need and seeing it as an investment in your career.  

Also, on timing: as people have said, the daycare slots are scarce, especially the good places, so get on the list pronto. For the nanny market, it's probably a good idea to get a sense of prices, etc in your option (or maybe other families if you want a nanny share), but they are typically looking to start right away, so you don't really need to find someone until much later on, potentially even after the baby is born, depending on how long your leave is.